is it cheating to get busted from someone else?

[Hurts!]

been with this girl for a year now and there is no way in hell I will ever tell her about my fetish in the past I have had domiantrix before I met her, my mind wants to secretly get another dominatrix because its been a year now since busted, she knows nothing about this and nothing anyone can say will make me tell her about this things are perfect their staying that way

I guess what I am saying is I need people to talk me out of getting a dom again in the future! is it cheating? I am not reaching orgasm with this I am not getting a blow job or sex just pain! so is it cheating?

[bdsminportland]

Hi there, 

Short answer, yes this is cheating.  

That said, telling people about your fetish is seriously not as big of a deal as you think it is.  The thing that is a big deal is keeping a side of yourself hidden from your partner as you build a relationship.  Speaking from experience here...

Anyway, talk it out.  Just let her know that you have this side of yourself and see what happens.  Maybe she goes for it.  Maybe not.  But it is better than not being open with them.

Also, maybe she isn't into it but would consider letting you play outside of the relationship so long as it is only for ballbusting and no sex is involved.  This is my current deal, and while it is a lot of work it is definitely the right way to go about things. 

[Hurts!]

I am trying to work out why this is classed as cheating, when its the same thing as watching bb videos on here or porn? doing that actually is masturbation which is worse, getting kicked in the balls and thinking about that while having sex with the one you love surly isnt as bad?

[bdsminportland]

I really wouldn't put masturbation in the same category as meeting up with someone to engage in a sexual act without your partner knowing.  Cheating pretty much = other people outside of the relationship + your partner not knowing + an act that is sexual (note I am not saying sex.  Kissing is cheating.  A lapdance could be cheating.)  

[Joe]

No it's not cheating.  Don't be rediculous.  Some girlfriends just aren't into it.  It's a SM fetish.  It's not sleeping with another person at all.  It's not cheating at all.  Not even close.  Not even in the same category.

[playfight]

It is cheating but problem is you do not realize that fact is it cheating or not does not matter. Problem is that you think you will be happy with that girl for ever ignoring your fetish and from time to time satisfy your need with some lady. It is completely same situation like u married girl with who u have good sex and u really love her like a person but u never be happy if u do not have some sex on side

[JackD]

Got to agree that this is cheating. Seeing a dom is a sexual experience and I'm guessing that your girl would consider it to be unfaithful. Especially as you've never talked about your bb fetish with her and you've just assumed she wouldn't be interested in exploring with you... You're not even giving her the opportunity. I would try talking to her about it, my experience has been consistently positive  in relationships - although there's no guarantee that your girl will bust you, at least you will have been honest. Pro tip: approach the bb subject with humour and alcohol, she'll probably be shocked, but dont press it, give her a while to think it over. 

[3dk1tm29uk1v2]

Think about the worst possible case scenario of what COULD happen if you told your girlfriend. Multiply that at least 2 times, and that is what WILL for SURE happen WHEN, not if, WHEN she finds out you've been seeing a dom.. 

Women are the best detectives out there when it comes to this stuff. You cannot, I mean CANNOT fool them. If you aren't 100% honest with her about this, she will nuke you from orbit, just to be sure.. 

If you care as much as you say you do about this relationship, be honest with her. 

[Bblove]

Yes. It is cheating.  It may not be as bad as sex, but it is cheating.  It is getting sexual gratification from another woman.  If it is not cheating, or if you think it is in some way not wrong, then you should be able to tell her about it, but you're probably not comfortable with that, because you know she wouldn't be okay with it.  Do you really want to be keeping secrets of this sort, having to lie about where you've been, what you've done?  If your fetish is something you need as part of your sexuality then you should tell her about it, or decide its not so important and you're otherwise happy with your sex life with her, or end it.  But its cheating, no way around it.  In my opinion.

[Myron Cumberland]

It is cheating, but what choice do you have?  I've told girlfriends about my fetish before only to have them give me a funny look and never speak to me again.  Try this:  Watch a movie with her that you know has busting in it.  When it happens, start caressing her legs and feet.  Push her foot into your crotch and let her feel your boner.

[Allen Witts]

I definitely disagree with the previous poster.  Yes, it is cheating, at least without talking to her about it first (although that said, I'm not sure if I could necessarily condemn you for it).  However, that said, I definitely think that the previous comment is incorrect in multiple ways.  First and foremost, it's *not* the only option.  In sexual relationships, openness is important- is this fetish important to you?  Would you want it to be in your relationship?  And if not, can you go without?

That said- at least in my experience, I've told a fair few people, and never been heavily rejected.  Sure, some are simply uninterested- but if you frame it politely and explain your thinking behind it, I highly doubt there'll be any problems for you.  One thing I've done in particular is playing a questions game- you and her take turns asking each other any question you want, which you both *must* answer honestly.  This can often get into embarrassing subjects pretty quickly, and both participants tend to be fairly embarrassed but lighthearted.  Try asking her if there are any sexual interests she's embarrassed about or shy about- and listen and try and understand what she says.  I can almost guarantee she'll ask the same question back, just to get revenge for the embarrassment if nothing else XD  Then explain to her why you're interested in this, what you get out of it (be human- often I think the whole hyper-sexualized stereotype of dominatrixes can weird some girls out).  Be honest.  Be open.  If she declines, don't push the matter- after all, she did ask you the question, she can hardly reject you for answering openly.  And if she expresses at least curiosity, then maybe show her something friendly- I'm particularly thinking of Keith and KK's videos, or perhaps KKBBSaverz's (Kat and Joe's) videos if you're feeling a little more brave!  Especially the former- because it's something quite lighthearted, between two people who clearly love each other and care for each other.

If you try this, and she asks you about this kind of thing?  Be open, be honest.  Don't hide anything, explain why this is interesting to you.  Be receptive to whatever she says.  Just playing a question game like this can also help you find out other interesting things about each other- like do you know what her favorite color is?  Kind of animal?  What kind of food she'd love to cook?  When she's asking you, be genuine.  Don't try to impress her, or to make yourself look good, or gloss over your flaws.  Answer honestly and completely- speaking from experience, being honest with other people tends to induce honesty and trust in them. 

Good luck!  I really hope this works out okay for you :)  If you'd like to pick my brain about anything, go ahead and reply or shoot me a message ^^

[mag launcher]

I would bring up the fetish to the GF if you've been dating her for a year.

I mentioned this to my girl, and she said that she could try it, but couldn't really couldn't get into it. She actually said she'd be comfortable with me seeing a dominatrix or something if I really needed to.

Like most things in a relationship, it comes down to respect and communication. If she doesn't want to engage in BB or wouldn't want you to see somebody else to engage in this, you have to decide what's more important to you - the girl or the fetish.

[justaboy]

This issue came up with me and my gf after I told her about my fetish. She doesn't like the idea of me being busted by another girl. There was one time when I was kicked by a girl during an altercation, and my gf wasn't mad, and was actually concerned afterward, though she did jokingly ask later on if I liked it.