Male Inferiority & Female Superiority: inspired by KITG member BallsOfSteal

[dvhour (Site Owner)]

This post is inspired by KITG member BallsOfSteal 

Earlier today in private chat one of the gals chatting with me said "goodbye Loser" which threw me off cause that wasn't the content or tone of the conversation that we were having. The comment wasn't traumatic or even something that I would consider hurtful... to be honest, I really do not like this term "loser" at all... let alone having it spewed out at me with someone who barely knows me. Its not a male ego thing its a get to know who I am and respect my vibe kind of thing. As I write this I think about a profound comment that BallsOfSteal wrote with regard to female superiority. he didn't take a macho or submissive male position but one of equality and one of a fantasy vs reality perspective. It was well written and very thought provoking, it reminded me of one of the reasons why I created this site in the first place.  

I do not believe that the entire BB landscape should be one purely about the CFNM dominatrix beating down the slave calling him "worthless loser"... NOR do I believe that BB is purely about ONE solid hit to the nuts and the girl calling him a "worthless loser"… I personally have no interest in having these images as my main BB diet... and no one should be brainwashed into thinking that BB fetishism is limited to these two forms of BB... BB is wide ranging and more complex than this narrow perspective - I personally can appreciate both depending on my mood. When I started discovering online ballbusting around 1997/98 i was turned off by the nude sniveling creepy dude getting his body and sexuality demolished by the seemingly callus dominant woman wearing fetish gear. There were no regular female members to balance the dominant male BB groups and forums so it was hard to get another perspective...  As far as CFNM dominatrix/slave videos go, I knew that It was not my personality or the image that I want to have placed on me with regard to the fetish. Sadly that is the spoof of most minds when they hear of this fetish, especially the gfs I had to educate assure over the years... Don't get me wrong not all sites are or were like this and I won't lie, I often purchase and totally crave seeing that kind of content… I have absolutely nothing against the men and women who are featured in these videos or live this lifestyle, I honor and respect their sincerity or desire to show this side of the fetish... but it is just not how I define myself, matter of fact I DO NOT think the vast majority of guys define themselves this way either.

BallsOfSteal said it best…. "A man gives himself over to the control of a women and that is the real turn on for many (not all). Wondering how far she will go, Trying to come to terms with the fact that she could, in her powerful hands, destroy that, that separates a man and a women…" It is with this segment of words spoken by  BallsOfSteal that we should all strive to remember that fantasy does not equal realty when we are in first contact with one another. MEN... remember that you are not a loser or worthless or some  pathetic slug that needs to be walked all over. My advice to everyone is to be aware that we are all human beings who deserve to be heard. And just how i always tell the men to respect the women and treat them like they are meeting them for the first time on the street.. the women should also be sensitive and thoughtful about how they treat the men here as well. WOMEN... Just because some guy has an awkward opening line try to educate him rather than ignore him...This is one of the ONLY places on earth where we each have an opportunity to share our most private and intimate thoughts on this subject, so lets try to build and connect rather than disregard one another.

Sincerely,

dvhour (site admin)

[Ballbuster_X]

It does suck that the Ballbusting scene is seen as your typical black leather and dungeon scenario, with strict FEMDOM.

Most people don't think about the big picture - that it's just something regular people do in the bedroom. 

Though me and my BF tend to have a light sub/dom theme going on for most of our busting - we are nothing like most people think BDSM couples are.  There's this stigma that BDSM involves BONDAGE | DOMINATION | SADOMASOCHISM. The stigma is precisely what the idea is named - But it's not the same for everyone and... Most people don't assume a literal dominant role. Even if my BF was extra kinky, he wouldn't appreciate me calling him a "BITCH" all the time, and he wouldn't appreciate me pushing him around and abusing him just for fun ALL THE TIME.

This is the product of BDSM and Ballbusting Porn.  Honestly, I try not to watch all of that Slave/Mistress ballbusting. It's  all about the BD, and not about the SM.  Ballbusting is about the SM side of BDSM, and though it does work well with the BD, I think that porn producers don't know anything about Ballbusting. I think that THEY THINK it is an EXTREME form of BDSM. E.g. ("Many people into Bondage/Domination are also into crazy shit like BALLBUSTING") therefore, ballbusting videos must be primarily Bondage videos. In reality, at least for the people that LIKE ballbusting. it is: ("Many people into ballbusting are also into crazy shit like dungeon domination")

I prefer to watch amateur videos - because it shows us the juicy sexiness of BALLBUSTING AS IT EXISTS BETWEEN NORMAL COUPLES. 

[Foo Bar]

Erica, I couldn't agree more.  The chains & leather dungeon stuff just isn't very appealing to me at all.  It's a whole world more sexy to see an amateur video of a real couple.  Yes, of course there is usually at least a little dom/sub undercurrent going on - I mean, she is busting his balls for her enjoyment - but it's in the context of a relationship, so it's a lot more subtle & hot than the typical dungeon scene. 

One thing that really annoys me about ball busting videos, is that you hardly ever see the couple kissing.  That's just wrong.  Ball busting can (and should) be an intensely romantic experience.  I've been busted by several ex-gfs, and all of them have considered it a romantic activity, with lots of kissing & teasing involved.  The more dominant of them seemed to especially enjoy squeezing the hell out of my balls during a long, slow make out session..   Now that's something I would love to see in a video.

[Sarah Versell]

yep, i can't stand the leather etc... mostly due to now horribly lame it is, the whole set up makes me cringe... in fact, everything you said is spot on. gold star!

[charles stone]

I agree with you guys. My wife busts me sometimes and I don't want to be a bitch or a slave, I just want to be busted. I also have a domme that I see on a regular basis because she takes the busting to levels that my wife never would. But even with her I am not a bitch or slave. She doesn't try to be a mean pissed off domme. Her personality is great and when we hook up, she has fun with me. We talk about things other than busting before and after the session. During the session I'm getting what I want but she has fun with it. She doesn't try to treat me as a slave, in fact if you saw one of our sessions you would think we were friends rather than domme and sub. I do not like the dommes that feel they must belittle you.

[Marina Glückskeks]

Aw this is just the subject i used to complain about alot :) I love the KITG especialy for the fact most here dont get off to the image of some pvc gloss domme stalking through a dungeon and letting out humiliating insults.

You know from my earler posts my very original intention when i was frustrated was to actually mistreat some guy til i learned its not about that at all. Maybe some have not figured it for themselves yet.
I always say the other person is my partner, not my victim. (And its NOT about hurting people, its about dealing pain.)

Especially in the chat, countless people i that pop up ask me things about "isnt it great to be stronger than the men" and subjects of severe damage and all this (supposing it to be turn on questions for me), is actually turning me off because i see "Ah, just another person who doesnt a healthy view on BB/CBT.

With folks like that, its no wonder this is one of the thinkable most prejudice loaden subjects and chapters in bdsm which isnt refused by the outsiders but even by a non deniably percentage of the insiders O_o

Its your place after all, DV, maybe the subject should be pointed out in a way like putting a notification on the page. Something like "Behind the scenes we are all equal people so please dont mistake dungeon roleplay with reality" :P

Provided that they dont practice that "ideology" , that is.

It's why i lately use this quote "Masochists are sexy" all the time. Because its supposed to bring a message across (Who is sexy and fancied by me cant be worthless to me, right?)

[Tender Boy]

Great post.  I think you make a very important point regarding BB being about dealing pain, not about actually harming people.

[Daniel A.]

I also totally agree... it's not about which gender is better or superior, it is about the best way to experience the couple' s sexuality =D

[MatthiasE]

You have my thanks for the explanation, i will keep it in mind when i'm thinking of bdsm and cbt :-)

[3qa45yzsktocn]

For me it's about the story or scene leading upto the actual ballbusting.  There has got to be some power play (verbally or physically) before the bust takes place. 

 

I don't know where these feelings come from or why I get a kick from it (pardon the pun!!). I have these fantasies for quite some time now - not sure where they come from.....But its great to read responses from people into the same thing - especially females.  I have posted a story on the erotica section - would be good to get some feedback.