Egg Breakers (Chapters 12–13)

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Chapter 12

I finally felt a little better. It was dark out, and nobody bothered me all day. Maybe Aunt Nikki should come over more often. It would take mom and Lizzie off my hands and give me the house to myself.

As I hobbled slowly towards the kitchen, all three women burst in the door with shopping bags.

They plopped down on the couches. Mom laying down, Lizzie sitting, and Aunt Nikki laying with her head on Lizzie’s lap.

“Perfect!” mom said. “My number 1 massager is here.”

“Be a best nephew and take off my shoes.” Aunt Nikki wiggled her foot in the air.

“Hurry!” mom said. “Don’t let those touch my furniture or you’ll regret it!”

I reached over the couch and pulled her shoes off.

“Thank you,” she pressed her foot on my face, “how’s it smell, sock-sniffer?”

All three women laughed as I lurched back and gagged.

“Go put those shoes by the door,” mom said, “and get back in here.”

I walked to the door and kneeled by the shoe rack. I gave her shoe a little sniff and felt my crotch moving. It actually smelled like amazing perfume.

I returned to mom and Lizzie’s feet still in the air.

“Do mine or I’ll break some eggs!” Mom kicked her feet in my direction and crossed her eyes as they all laughed.

I pried her shoes off.

“And mine!” Lizzie kicked my butt lightly. “Oh darn, I missed the eggs!”

They all laughed again.

I brought all four shoes to the shoe rack. Before I placed them down, I gave them all a sniff. Mom’s actually smelled a lot like Aunt Nikki’s. Lizzie’s just smelled plain awful.

As I turned the corner, Aunt Nikki glared at me.

“What were you doing in there, practicing?”

Her and Lizzie cracked up.

“Yeah, I was.” I threw a few punches. “I practice every day.”

“Didn’t help against the Egg-Breaker,” mom said.

They all laughed.

“I can’t believe he actually kissed these things last night,” Lizzie said.

“I know. Gross.” Aunt Nikki gave her foot a sniff. “At least it was last night and not today!”

“Aren’t you lucky?” Mom laughed as she wiggled her socks in my direction. “Imagine if these socks got you just one day later.”

“Well,” Lizzie laughed, “he would still be walking fine, right limpy?”

I turned red as I raced for the kitchen.

“True! I see it written on his face!” Aunt Nikki laughed along with everyone else.

I ate an energy bar by the fridge as Lizzie barged in. She shoved me out of the way.

“Isn’t it great having Aunt Nikki here?”

“Just great.”

She pushed me out of the way again as she headed for the calendar on the wall.

“She’s still here until tomorrow.”

“I know that, loser.” She shoved me into the fridge on the way to the sink. “I just needed an excuse to plow through you.”

I rubbed my back. My balance and stance were so thrown off, I had to keep my legs out in a funny position as I walked. I wonder how long I’ll be swollen for.

“You see that sleeping bag down there? You’re sleeping in it tonight.”

“I’m what?”

She flicked my forehead.

“You. Are. Sleeping. Down. There. Tonight.”

I bent over backwards, almost into the sink.

“Find out a way to do it.” She grabbed three glasses and stared at me.

I stepped out of her way.

“Good boy,” Lizzie laughed, “or next up was going to be a scrambled egg special.”

She filled up all three glasses with water, shoved one in my hands.

“Follow!”

As she rushed into the living room, I followed as fast as I could.

“Here you go, mom. I love you.”

Mom leaned up and gave Lizzie a kiss. “Wow, what a wonderful daughter.”

Lizzie sat down in her spot, and Aunt Nikki rested her head back on Lizzie’s lap.

“Wow, what a horrible nephew.”

Everyone giggled as I slowly hobbled over and handed the glass to Aunt Nikki. She ripped it out of my hands and glugged it down.

“Thank you,” she handed me the glass, “now give me a kiss.”

“Aww,” mom held her hands to her heart, “just like me and Lizzie.”

I leaned over and pecked Aunt Nikki on the cheek. She patted my cheek.

“Good boy.” She smashed her feet into her foot-pillow. “You know what my nephew can do to raise his ranking?”

“He’s mom’s number 1 massager.” Lizzie giggled.

Mom raised her foot, flexing it in the air. “Oh my goodness Nikki, you have got to try it.”

“Be a good boy and massage Aunt Nikki’s feet for her.” Lizzie smirked.

“Sold!” Aunt Nikki raised her legs, her socks looked soaked. “I was going to pay to get one while we were shopping, but Joshy Woshy’s Massagy Parlor has way better reviews!”

They all laughed.

“Horrible name though.” Lizzie giggled as she massaged Aunt Nikki’s scalp.

Aunt Nikki shot me a look, and I sat on the couch. I placed the pillow on my lap, and she gently rested her feet back on it.

I started the massage. Her socks were so sweaty, my fingers were instantly drenched.

“Oh yeah, this is the life.” She flexed her foot. “Is this why you had kids?”

“Yep,” mom ground her feet into the pillow, “my own little massagers wherever I go!”

Lizzie clapped. “We should bring Joshy Massagy wherever we go!”

All three laughed.

“Another great idea,” mom said. “Lizzie, you’re on a roll with these ideas.”

Aunt Nikki nudged my ribs with her foot. “That business will definitely travel with us next time.”

Lizzie cracked up. “I could make a sign and everything. Maybe stick some lights on it.”

“First one’s free,” mom said. “Once you’ve had Joshy, you’ll always come backy!”

Aunt Nikki smushed her foot on my nose. “Free sniff included!”

They all cracked up.

“I think Joshy’s up for it too.” She rubbed my cheek with her sole. “His face is all red.”

“And he’s so happy he can’t even speak.” Mom giggled.

“I’ll start on the sign right away.”

Aunt Nikki plopped her foot back down on the pillow, hard. “Joshy won’t be able to help though, too busy practicing.”

I looked at her. She gave a little wiggle of her nose and laughed, then rubbed her foot on the pillow.

“It’s okay,” Lizzie said, “me and mom will make it.”

“And we could wear our bathing suits like a car wash.” Mom walked on a runway and struck a pose.

All of us laughed, me included.

“Maybe we could even recruit Jules, and Reebee.”

“Great idea,” mom said. “What has Rebecca been up to lately?”

“I don’t know,” Lizzie said, “playing soccer in school, I think. We haven’t had the same classes in years.”

Aunt Nikki nudged her foot into my ribs. I twisted away as she laughed.

“Okay,” she said, “I think I’m ready to go to sleep.”

“Joshua,” mom rolled over and curled into a ball, “go get her sleeping bag from the kitchen and bring it in here.”

Lizzie shot me a glare, had two fingers open to the size of a pea, and crushed it in her fist.

“I have a better idea,” I said. “How about Aunt Nikki sleeps in my bed, and I sleep in the sleeping bag.”

“Great idea.” Aunt Nikki ground her heels into the pillow and flexed her toes. “It would be so much more comfy.”

“Just don’t forget to brush your teeth,” mom said. “Come on, let’s go try our new pajamas on.”

All of them rushed upstairs, giggling. I gave my fingers a large sniff. Maybe I wouldn’t wash my hands tonight. And I had the whole downstairs to myself.

I looked at the shoe rack.

It was going to be a long night of practice.

Chapter 13

I woke up to a heel on my stomach.

“What’s for breakfast?”

“I don’t know,” mom said, “it’s just us today.”

Another heel dug into the other side of my body.

“Lizzie went out?”

“Yeah,” mom said, “she said she was going to go practice with Rebecca.”

“This early?” Aunt Nikki groaned. “I would be dying if I was out running this early.”

“Not everyone drinks gallons of wine the night before.”

Aunt Nikki laughed as she flexed her foot on her heel. “It wasn’t gallons.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

One foot left my body, and another one pressed against me. I heard cabinets opening and closing.

“Is there any cereal?” Aunt Nikki asked.

Mom shook a box. “Yep.” I heard the fridge open. “But only chocolate milk.”

“Ew!” Both feet stomped. “Who would drink brown milk in cereal?”

I felt sick. I rolled over and tried poking my head out from the sleeping bag.

“Oh my goodness!” Aunt Nikki rested her feet on the opposite chair. “I forgot you were down there.”

“Have a good sleep, honey?” She shook the box. “Cereal?”

My stomach dropped. “No thanks, mom. Eggs.”

Aunt Nikki laughed. “Speaking of eggs, how have yours been?”

“A little better, but everything still really hurts.”

“Do you need me to call the doctor?” Mom cracked two eggs into the pan.

“No. I’ll be fine.”

Aunt Nikki laughed. “Do you really want to be eating eggs while your little eggs are smashed?”

“They’re grapes, remember?” Mom laughed.

“Oh yeah.” Aunt Nikki looked under the table and held her fingers open while she giggled. “Maybe you could eat some grapes instead.”

“They’re in the fridge, on the left.”

“Want me to get them?” Aunt Nikki pulled her feet off the chair and went into the fridge.

“No thank you,” I sighed, “I’ll eat the eggs.”

“It’s your grave.” She rested both feet back on my chest.

I stared at her bare feet. I took a slow sniff, trying to stay as silent as possible. They smelled… delightful.

“Are you alive down there?” She wiggled her toes on my chest. “It felt like you stopped breathing.”

“Alive and fine.” I inhaled again. “See? Lungs working fine.”

“Nose too?”

I made a loud noise in and out through my nose. “Yep. All good.”

I looked up in mom’s direction. She was doing a little dance as she cooked. She rested one foot on her toes and flexed her sole—Egg. How many days in a row has she been wearing those?

I felt a twinge in my pants as a foot ground in my chest.

“Alive down there? You stopped breathing again.”

Mom twisted around on her foot, and I watched the word disappear in slow motion. She put the plate on the table and sat down.

“Okay,” Aunt Nikki said as she rested her feet on the chair, “eggs are ready.”

Mom looked under the table. “Do you want those eggs?” She wiggled her sock in my direction. “Or these eggs?”

They both cracked up as I crawled out from the table, making sure to push the chair out and slide into it without my crotch showing.

“Shucks,” Aunt Nikki said, “I really wanted my footrest while we ate. It was so comfy.”

“Did you know it had a built-in foot-warmer?”

“A what?”

“When Lizzie won her match, I used the foot-warmer.”

Aunt Nikki almost choked on a grape as she laughed. “You mean the time Lizzie beat him to a pulp, and you were so confused, you used his face like a foot-pillow?”

“Yep, that’s the one.”

They both laughed as I turned red.

“Aww, look at his face. It’s true!” Aunt Nikki pressed a foot against my leg. “I wish I tested that a few minutes ago, my feet are freezing.”

Mom took a bite of food. “You’ll get to try it when Lizzie opens that new business! Maybe she should add it to her sign!”

“Maybe that should just be between us. Best customers only.” Aunt Nikki rested both feet on my lap and wiggled them.

“Yeah,” mom reached over and ate a grape, “we need something to entice the big spenders.”

“Maybe they could break some eggs too.”

I felt her foot brush against my…

I stared at her, but she never looked away from mom for a second.

“Yeah, that could be his payment!” Mom giggled. “We get all the cash, and he gets to eat his favorite food!”

“You could maybe practice for a food-eating competition.”

Her foot brushed it again. There’s no way that was an accident.

Mom clapped and cheered. “And you would have all three egg-breakers there to cheer you on.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice?” Aunt Nikki pressed her foot a little lower.

“Josh? You look a little…” Mom put her hands up to her throat and pretended to throw up. “And you barely even touched your—”

“Eggs?”

Mom laughed. “Maybe we wouldn’t do that competition. He can only handle two broken eggs a day.”

“Is that right?”

Aunt Nikki’s foot gave my eggs one final rub, then disappeared.

“Yeah, that would probably be too many eggs.” Aunt Nikki laughed.

I looked under the table and saw both of them kneading my pillow with their feet.

“Not feeling well?” Mom asked. “Did you want to lay back down?”

“Your favorite aunt could really use a foot-warmer!”

“Mom, can I go to my room and practice?”

Mom nodded. “Sure, you can go.”

Aunt Nikki winked at me. “I’m going to be leaving in an hour, but I left a present in your room for letting me sleep in there. And like you always say, practice makes perfect.”

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