Egg Breakers (Chapters 4–5)

[DArchivist]

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Chapter 4

Mom was sitting at the table eating with Lizzie already. I sat down and stared at my eggs. I couldn’t look Lizzie in the eyes after what happened yesterday.

I can’t believe mom made me do that—on my birthday too! At least afterwards, mom gave me a giant bowl of ice cream, and the rest of the night went perfect.

Mom poked my sides, and when I looked up, she leaned back and rested her ‘Number 1 Fan’ feet right next to my plate.

“How’s my,” she covered the word ‘Fan’ and wiggled her toes, “karate master?”

I poked at my eggs.

“Not hungry after getting those in your face last night?” Lizzie laughed.

Mom whacked Lizzie lightly with the towel. “Stop making fun of your brother. He did great last night!”

“Great at being our carpet.”

Mom shot Lizzie a glare, then wiggled her toes again. “See my new favorite socks? These will always be cheering for you.”

“Thanks, mom, but could you please put those down?”

“He doesn’t want to be reminded of the smell.” Lizzie giggled. “Remember when you shoved them in his face?”

Mom pulled her feet off the table. “That was all in good fun. I was aiming for my comfy foot-pillow. Although I did get to rest on something more comfortable.” She laughed while I felt sick to my stomach.

I moved eggs around on my plate. “Can I go up to my room and practice?”

“You have to eat a little something, your cousin is coming over today.”

“Jules?” Lizzie’s eyes opened wide.

“Yes,” mom said. “Julia is coming over today, so I want you two to be on your best behavior.”

I grabbed a forkful of eggs and swallowed. Julia and Lizzie always were best friends. Even though Julia was a few years younger, they still sat the same, dressed the same, talked the same. I’ll just lock myself in my room and they won’t bother me.

“Okay, I ate. Can I go practice now?”

Mom looked down at my plate in disappointment, but let me go.

I ran upstairs and started my daily practice. I had to become perfect if I wanted to beat Lizzie—I smashed my pillow with my fastest and most powerful attacks.

I sensed something behind me, so I kicked my leg back.

“Ow!”

I turned around.

“You little weasel. I just came up here to tell you mom wants you.” She rubbed her leg. “How did you know I was here?”

“I have eyes in the back of my head.”

“We’ll see about that.” Lizzie glared at me as she headed into the hallway, probably to go brush her teeth.

I ran down the stairs and whipped around the corner. “What’s so important that it can cut into precious pract—”

A bowl crashed, and ice cream and chocolate sauce got everywhere.

Mom looked down at the floor, fuming. “Joshua! What the hell do you think you’re doing!” She took a step back, trying to avoid shards of bowl, and stepped all over ice cream. “Now look, my favorite socks are ruin—”

“But I—”

“I tried to make you a bowl of your favorite to cheer you up,” she stepped in some chocolate sauce, “but now you’re grounded!”

“But I—”

Mom peeled her socks off and threw them on my chair.

“Now grab me paper towels and help clean this up.”

Lizzie turned the corner with a toothbrush in her mouth. “What was that crash?”

“Your clumsy brother ruined his surprise.”

“I didn’t mean—”

Mom shot me a look. I instantly shut up, then got on my hands and knees to help clean.

“Lizzie, could you take my number 1 socks and get them in the laundry?”

“Anything for my favorite mother.” Lizzie skipped over to the chair and pinched mom’s socks. She held them far away from her. When she walked by, she hovered them in my face. “Remind you of anything?”

“Lizzie! Stop teasing your brother and get that in the laundry!”

I cleaned up the rest of the ice cream. What a waste, that stuff was amazing.

“You are not allowed to leave your room today. And do whatever Lizzie and Julia say while I’m gone. Am I clear?”

“But—”

“Am I clear? Now go brush your teeth, you’re late.”

* * *

As soon as I came home, I instantly ran into my room. I slammed the door, tied my yellow belt around the doorknob, and locked it, then shoved my head into my pillow and screamed.

The doorknob jiggled. “Little brother, you know you’re not supposed to lock the door.” Two pairs of giggling on the other side.

“Leave. Me. Alone!”

“Come on, don’t you want to see your amazing cousin Jules?”

“I said leave. Me. Alone!”

“I haven’t seen you in years,” Julia said. “I promise I just want to say hi, and then we’ll leave.”

I untied my yellow belt, placed it on the dresser, and unlocked the door.

Lizzie pushed right past me and sat on my bed.

“There he is, little Josh.” Julia pinched my cheeks. “Or should I say Joshy Woshy.”

I shot Lizzie a glare as they both laughed.

“Lizzie told me all about your amazing fight.” Julia patted my cheek, then sat next to Lizzie. They both crossed their legs the same.

“He really did do a fantastic job.” Lizzie grabbed my yellow belt and wrapped it around her head. “He even got a few hits on me.”

I rushed over to yank that yellow belt right off, but Julia used her foot to keep me away.

“Now now,” Julia pushed me back, “didn’t your mom tell you you had to listen to whatever we say?”

“You promised to say hi to me and leave.”

“I promise a lot of things.” Julia crossed her legs again.

“This is how it was.” Lizzie put on a goofy face. “I’m Joshy Woshy, I’m a karate master!”

Both of them burst into laughter as I darted towards my belt. “It’s not funny! Now take that off!”

“Okay okay,” Julia pulled the headband off and held it out, “let the loser have his funny headband.”

“Thank you,” I ripped it out of her hands as they walked towards the door, “at least one person listens to me.”

“Meet us downstairs in fifteen minutes, we have a surprise for you.”

“I can’t leave my room.”

Julia turned around. “Fifteen minutes.”

As soon as they left, I put the yellow headband on and looked in the mirror. It really did look incredibly stupid. How could I ever think I could beat Lizzie with that thing on my head? I placed it on the counter and practiced on my pillow until it was time.

As I turned the corner, I saw the greatest action figure next to the TV.

“Surprise!” Julia jumped up and gave me a huge hug.

“Is this some sick joke?”

“No,” Lizzie said, “this one is yours this time.”

“Are you serious?” Julia hung onto me as I dragged her along. I picked the toy up and actually started crying.

“Aww,” Julia pinched my cheeks, “little Joshy Woshy is so happy.”

“Hell yeah I’m happy.” I bent his arms, putting him into a sweet karate pose. “I’ve been waiting years for this, and it’s always out of stock! You two are the best!”

Julia ripped it out of my hands. “But you just have to do one thing for us.”

My heart dropped.

“What is it?” I reached for it, but Julia kept her palm on my forehead.

“Listen to us for the day,” Lizzie said.

“That’s way more than one thing!”

“No it’s not,” Julia said, “plus your mom told you you had to do it. So it’s not like you’re doing anything different.”

I let out a huge exhale. “Do you promise to give me that after?”

“We promise,” they both said at the same time.

“Fine, what do you want?”

“Good Joshy Woshy.” Julia pushed my forehead back, then they both laid on the couch. “I need a glass of water.”

I grumbled under my breath, but got the water. When I came back into the room, I saw that amazing action figure next to the couch, they changed him into this awful pose.

As I handed her the water, Lizzie snapped her fingers. “I need my foot-pillow fluffed!”

I walked over to her. I stared at her feet, but she didn’t budge.

“Now, Joshy Woshy!” They both laughed.

I shoved Lizzie’s feet out of the way and fluffed the stupid pillow.

“And now mine!” Julia snapped her fingers.

“You don’t have one.” I smirked at her.

Lizzie laughed. “Go grab the pillow off your bed!”

“No way! You’re not using it. I sleep on that!”

“You sleep when it smells like that?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I’ve been using it as my foot-pillow ever since you snuck into my room, weasel.”

“That’s why it smelled like a permanent fart?”

They both laughed like they never laughed before.

Lizzie held her sides as her giggles subsided. “So now you’ll have no problems bringing it down for Jules.”

I could have smashed her face so hard then and there. I ran up into my room, ripped the pillow off my bed, and ran back down.

Julia was nowhere to be found. I looked at Lizzie.

“Well? Get to it.” Lizzie said. “Put it in her spot!”

“Where’s Jul—”

An immense pain radiated between my legs as I fell to my knees, face-first into my pillow.

“I guess he doesn’t have eyes in the back of his head.” Julia laughed.

“His eyes probably popped out of his head.” They both roared into laughter as Julia nudged my butt with her foot.

“Are Joshy Woshy’s little ballsies okay?” She laid down on the couch and rested her feet on my head. “Ahh, that’s better. Perfect footrest.”

Lizzie came over and sat on my back. “Can’t let you have all the fun with our new footrest.”

Julia rubbed the back of my head with her foot. “So this is how you used him yesterday?”

“No.” Lizzie kicked me in the ribs. I coughed and collapsed to the floor, holding my side. She stomped on my stomach, making sure to crush my hand. “That’s how I used him yesterday.”

They both laughed again like this was the funniest thing. I grabbed Lizzie’s foot again, but Julia kicked it away.

“No. You have to do what we say.” Julia sat back. “And since I wasn’t here, I want to recreate the epic fight from yesterday.”

“Well first I did this.” Lizzie stomped my stomach. “Then this.” She stomped my chest. “Then this!” She stood on me, completely squishing my guts.

Julia cracked up and grabbed the other foot-pillow. “And then your mom stuck this behind his head?”

Lizzie crushed my guts as she balanced on one foot. “And then I stepped right on his little face.”

Julia sniffed the pillow and gagged. “Don’t you and your mom always rest your feet on this thing?”

Lizzie nudged my nose with her foot. I whipped my head to the side, trying to launch her across the room.

Julia shoved the pillow on my head and slammed her feet onto it. I saw white lights as my entire head rang. My cheek was smashed into the ground and I could barely hear anymore. But I could smell this awful pillow. It definitely smelled like a sick mix of both their feet from last night. I heard the occasional giggle, and felt my guts moving around as Lizzie shifted on each foot.

When the pillow was finally yanked off my head, I was greeted with Julia’s feet smashing into my nose.

“Zero! And Joshy Woshy is down! Jules wins with a kick to the eggs! The crowd goes wild!” Lizzie and Julia cheered louder than mom, then burst into a fit of laughter.

“Now give your biggest fan a big kiss on her perfect feet!”

I was hurting, I wanted my action figure, and I just wanted this to be over with.

I kissed Julia’s foot as they both laughed.

“And the ultimate winner!” Lizzie pressed her disgusting foot onto my lips. “Just don’t lick it again.”

I felt like throwing up, but gave it the tiniest of pecks.

“He licked it?” Julia said. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“Yeah, and he loved it.” Lizzie leaped off of me, landing back on the couch.

As I sat up and coughed, Julia snapped her fingers.

“I need my foot-pillow.”

I rubbed my stomach, coughing, trying to take in the fresh air.

“Now!”

I grabbed my pillow and shoved it under her feet. “Anything else?”

“No, that is all.” Julia waved me away. “You may take your prize.”

As soon as I ran into my room, I slammed the door and locked it this time—I was never unlocking it again—not for Lizzie, not for mom, and definitely not for Julia.

Chapter 5

I turned the corner to be greeted by two devils. They instantly stopped talking as soon as I walked into the kitchen.

“Where’s mom?”

“She decided to sleep in a little more,” Julia said. “She said we had to watch the little brat.”

I knew mom would never use those words—this was going to be a long breakfast. I grabbed a box of cereal, made myself a bowl, and started walking towards the living room.

“Get back in here this instant,” Lizzie said.

I stopped in the doorway and spun around. I glared at Lizzie.

“You know you’re not supposed to eat in there.”

“Well there’s no way I’m staying in here with you two after what you did yesterday.”

“Scrambled eggs?” Julia and Lizzie snickered. “Or gave you an amazing gift?”

I turned around again and took a step before Julia put me in a chokehold.

“Now now, come sit down at the table with your favorite cousin.” She dragged me over to the table. I went to place my bowl down. “Not there!”

Julia dragged me to the back door. Lizzie was outside getting the mail. She looked back at Julia and they both waved to each other.

“Now put your bowl on the ground, and get on your hands and knees.”

“I’m not—”

Julia kicked the back of my knees, making me spill some milk and cereal on the floor, but I placed it down.

Lizzie came through the door, smiling and laughing as she looked through the mail. “Even better than we planned.”

Julia stopped choking me and kicked my back, launching me into the ground. Lizzie stepped with both feet on my back, wiping her filthy socks all over me, then stood with one foot and stared at the bottom of her socks.

“This doormat stinks.” Lizzie stepped right into my bowl of cereal as they both cracked up. “That should help.”

Her toes swirled around, slowly transforming the milk more and more brown with every stir. She giggled as she walked up and down my entire back, even rubbing the back of my head, dripping milk down my neck.

I stared at the dark brown milk in my bowl. Breakfast… absolutely ruined.

Julia picked it up and placed it on the table as Lizzie finally stepped off. “You can get up now, doormat brat.”

They both laughed as I wiped myself off and rushed for the steps, but before I could make it past the table, Lizzie grabbed my arm.

“Sit down with your loving sister.”

“Not hungry.”

“Sit down or Jules is going to play scrambled eggs again.” They both laughed. “Isn’t that what you like to eat every day? Jules will make that dream come true!”

Julia kicked my leg lightly. “I can make some for you if you want.”

“Not hungry.”

“Well you’re not going anywhere.” Lizzie shoved me into my chair as Julia pushed my bowl closer. “Mom always says you need to finish your breakfast.”

I pushed the bowl away, and Lizzie gripped my hair as Julia kicked higher up my leg.

“Okay okay! I’ll sit! I’ll sit!”

“Good Joshy Woshy.” Lizzie rubbed my hair, careful to avoid anywhere near the back of my head.

They both kicked their feet up and rested them on the table. Lizzie’s socks were absolutely filthy.

“So, did you like yesterday?” Lizzie nudged my bowl with her foot.

Maybe if I was nice to them, I could leave. “Yes, the gift was amazing. The best gift ever.”

Julia turned to Lizzie. “Told you he loves scrambled eggs!”

“I should give it to him all the time now!” Lizzie and Julia both cracked up as the table shook.

I tried to not look at them, I just stared into the bowl.

Lizzie nudged it some more with her disgusting foot. “Eat your breakfast.”

“Not. Hungry.”

Julia’s legs disappeared off the table, and then I saw something neon green resting on my chair.

“Are you sure?” Julia wiggled her toes in her neon green socks.

“Just take a spoon of yummy cereal.” Lizzie nudged my bowl closer.

“Or you’ll get another helping of scrambled eggs.” Julia rested her heel on the edge of my chair.

I was about to say I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t want to get hurt. I just wanted to get back to my room. I should have never come downstairs.

I picked up the spoon.

Lizzie made a sound like she was feeding a little baby. They both laughed as the neon green moved closer.

I dug into the cereal, trying to grab the untouched parts and drain all the dirty brown milk.

They both stared at me with eyes bulging out of their head.

I took a bite and almost threw up. I gagged, and both girls laughed. Lizzie almost fell onto the floor, and the vibrations from Julia’s foot rocked my entire chair. That movement didn’t help. I felt my stomach lurch. I could feel myself turning colors.

“Don’t do it!” Lizzie said.

I tried to swallow.

“Don’t do it!”

I tried to swallow again.

A neon green blur shot between my legs and my insides exploded onto the table as both girls leaped up and screamed.

I tried running away, but my balls had other ideas. I collapsed onto the floor.

“Hurry, clean this up before my mom comes down!” Lizzie said, frantically grabbing paper towels. “Why did you stomp him?”

“I thought it would be funny.” Julia held her nose and gagged as she started cleaning the tile near the door.

I groaned into the floor, then tried getting onto my hands and knees.

Lizzie stepped on my hand as she cleaned the table. I felt my hand completely compress, it felt like it was going to break as she twisted her foot on my fingers and ran for the garbage.

“Get out of the way, doormat.” Julia pressed her foot into my ribs, tipping me over. I slammed onto my side and just held my groin.

Lizzie and Julia whirled around the kitchen making everything spotless when I heard footsteps.

“What was that noise?”

I couldn’t let mom see me like this. I forced myself up and rested against the wall.

“Nothing,” Lizzie said. “Go back to bed, mom!”

Mom burst into the kitchen and I slipped in behind her.

“What happened in here?”

“Oh nothing,” Julia said, “I think he just had a bad case of scrambled eggs.”

I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet as I threw up again.

Many dizzying minutes later, I heard a knock on the door.

“Are you okay in there? Lizzie and Julia explained everything. I already threw all the eggs away. We won’t be having those for a long time.”

“Not feeling well!” I said into the bowl.

“They told me you went outside to get the mail and fell? Are you really that sick? Do I need to call the hospital? Open up!”

I reached for the door handle and opened it. Mom gasped.

“You’re filthy! Why would you walk into the house looking like this?”

I groaned into the bowl.

“Did you roll around in ice cream and chocolate?” She laughed as she pulled off my shirt and threw it into the laundry basket. “By the way, have you seen my number 1 socks? I can’t find them anywhere.”

I groaned into the bowl as she picked up the laundry and rushed for the washing machine.

As soon as she left, I crawled out of the bathroom and into my room. I dragged myself into bed. I smelled my pillow. Smelled completely fresh. Finally.

As I laid my head on my pillow, I heard a crunch. I touched something sticky. I pulled out two ‘Number 1 Fan’ socks with a note attached to them:

“I’m going to make you eat these tonight, little weasel.”

I felt myself turning colors as I scored the socks into my laundry basket. I didn’t want to see anything brown ever again.

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[mickeybb]

Another great part. I am gonna struggle waiting for the chapters to be released. I've always loved the double entendre of scrambled eggs. Family jewels is a good one with sister and cousin kicking too. Keep up the good work. Thanks! 

[DArchivist]

I love eggs too—scrambled, kicked, broken! :)