A Great First Date: Part II

The squeak of gym shoes, staccato bursts puncturing the drone of second-rate announcers, did not interfere with Ryan’s blissful dozing. It was Friday night and it had been a long week. So long that Ryan hadn’t even bothered taking off his shoes or his tie before collapsing on the couch twenty tedious minutes after leaving work.

In one fluid motion he tossed his jacket on the chair, grabbed the TV remote, hit the power button and sunk deep into his over-sized sofa. He didn’t even bother to check the program listing instead settling for the no-name college hoops games on ESPN U, which came on along with the TV. He was asleep within seconds.

Buzz. The sound barely registered a blip in his subconscious. Must be halftime, the thought flickered through his mind.

Buzz…buzz…BUZZ!

That was definitely not coming from the television. Ryan forced his eyes open and rubbed them into focus. His wall clock read 7:30. He was surprised to see he’d been asleep for nearly an hour – he was expecting to take a short power nap before hitting the gym. Then it hit him that the buzzing was coming from his intercom. Someone was at the door downstairs.

His knees creaked as he rose and he thought maybe it was good thing he’d missed his window to workout. He cleared his throat before talking into the intercom, “Hello?”

“Ryan, it’s Rebecca. Buzz me in.” The voice crackled with static.

Puzzled, Ryan pressed the button to let her in and cracked his apartment door so she’d know to come right in. Then he went and found a piece of gum to combat his bed breath.

He returned to the living room to find Rebecca had moved his jacket off the chair and was now sitting on the edge of the chair playing with the TV remote. It was a small gesture, but indicative of how smoothly the relationship was progressing. They’d been seeing each other a few times a week for the past month or so.

“Hey. I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight,” Ryan greeted her. “But it’s a very nice surprise!”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about dropping by so randomly.” She said, adding, “I was just in the mood for a nice cold beer and I thought you’d be the perfect person to share it with.”

“Well, it’s been a ridiculous week at work and I’m pretty beat…but I think I could manage to suck it up for you.” His eyes twinkled playfully.

“You’re damn right you will,” she came back. “I’m not exactly Peppy Patty, either, but I’m hoping a few brewskis will hit the spot.”

Another one of the many great things about Rebecca that Ryan had discovered was that she liked beer. Not cosmos or fruity drinks, like most girls he knew, no, she was definitely a beer girl.

“I’ve got some in the fridge if you just want to hang here,” he offered.

“Well, I was really hoping to go out, to be honest.”

“Oh yeah? You have something in mind?” he asked.

“Actually, and this will probably blow your mind, but I was thinking Hooters.” She couldn’t keep the grin from breaking through as she tried to play it with a straight face.

“Hooters,” he said and then shook his head. “Are you for real?”

“I know it’s weird for me to want to go there, but they have the coldest draft beer.” She noticed him giving her a sideways glance. “Seriously! The pitchers come with ice crystals floating on top, that’s how cold the beer is.”

“If you say so. Let me just lose the tie and we can be on our way.” He was already unloosing the knot as he spoke.

“Great,” she said. “I’ll drive.”

Hooters wasn’t too far, and they traded office horror stories during the drive. Since they were both working as interns during the break from school, they had a lot of common ground. The conversation took some funny turns and by the time they reached their destination, it was obvious the energy levels of both had seen an uptick.

As they walked to the front door, Ryan asked, “Can I tell you something funny…and I don’t mean it to be cruel.”

She looked at him quizzically, “Um, okay.”

“Well, it’s just that every time I go to Hooters I get the, uh,” he paused trying to find the right phrase, “you know, I get the one waitress that probably shouldn’t be working there.”

“What do you mean by that?” Rebecca asked, egging him on. She had an idea of what he was trying to say, but she wanted to hear him say it.

“You know. Hooters girls are supposed to have –“he put his hands out in front of his chest, “but I always get the one that doesn’t. But I’m not complaining. I’m just saying.”

She burst out in laughter. “Well, then today’s your lucky day. I always get the one with the biggest,” and she put her hands in front of her boobs.

“Yeah, we’ll just see about that.” He said, joining her laughter.

As it turned out, Ryan lost, but really, he was quite happy to lose. Rebecca’s karma won and the view was impressive. He wasn’t sure the bra sizes he was familiar with could handle the job. He already thought Rebecca had incredible breasts, but these were on an entirely different plane. Then it occurred to him that this might not be such a good thing. How was he going to keep his eyes from straying over in their direction?

“So…what’re ya havin’?” the waitress asked, leaning over the table and winking at Ryan.

He started to answer but was distracted by the fact that her breasts were actually resting on the tabletop.

“We’ll have a pitcher of Killian’s,” Rebecca cut in. She looked to Ryan for eye confirmation and he managed to break off his stare to give it.

“You got it,” the waitress said as she bounced off to fill their order.

Rebecca chuckled and said, “Hard not to stare, eh.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows and nodded. He could feel the color rising up his neck. There was a very good possibility that this might not end well.

“Well, I don’t blame you. If I had to guess, I’d say those were GGs. The real question is, are they real?”

“First off,” Ryan said, gathering his wits, “who cares if they’re real? Second, what the hell are GGs?”

Rebecca just laughed and said, “Real. Big.”

As if on cue, Ms. Real Big appeared with a real big pitcher of Killian’s. And sure enough, there were ice crystals as promised.

“By the way,” Ms. Real Big said as she started to pour the beer, “I’m Bette and if you need anything, don’t be shy about asking.”

She held the pitcher close to her chest as she poured and Ryan thought her nipples might poke right through her little Hooters tank. Clearly, the beer was cold. He snuck a peek at Rebecca who was plainly watching Ryan watch Bette.

“Thanks,” Ryan said, as Bette set a full glass in front of him.

“Are you two having anything to eat?” Bette asked in return.

He looked to Rebecca who answered, “Nah, we’re just having drinks for now. We’ll let you know if we’re going to order food.”

“Sounds good. I’ll check back in a little bit.” She turned to go.

“Hey Bette,” Rebecca called her back. “You might want to go warm up,” as she pointed discreetly toward her nipples.

Bette looked down and put her hands to her boobs. “Girl, you know it!” And they both laughed.

An hour later as Rebecca poured the last of their second pitcher equally into their glasses, she offered up the idea of heading home for a little happy hour night cap. Considering they hadn’t eaten, Ryan thought this was a pretty good idea, though he did feel a slight pang of disappointment about leaving Bette behind. She’d been over to their table more than a typical waitress would have and he was really enjoying the way Rebecca played up Bette’s cleavage. They sure seemed to hit it off, he thought.

When Bette came over again, Rebecca asked for the check and Bette asked, “Just the check?”

Ryan noticed Rebecca pause and then, as if a light bulb came on, smile coyly. “Why don’t you meet us by the door.”

With a wink, Bette headed off toward the bar.

“What was that all about?” Ryan asked.

“Oh – you’ll see,” Rebecca responded. “C’mon, let’s go.” And she stood up reaching for Ryan’s hand to lead him toward the door.

At the door she stopped and surveyed the room. Ryan turned to look, too, thinking she was looking for Bette. He was surprised when he heard Rebecca say, quite loudly, “I can’t believe you’d blatantly stare at her tits like that!”

As he turned back to defend himself he saw Rebecca draw her foot back, and his eyes went big.

She kicked him square in the balls.

He immediately grabbed for his groin with one hand and the hostess stand with the other. As he struggled to retain his feet, he saw Rebecca’s ass sway as she headed out the door. He heard the hostess burst out in a fit of laughter along with some snickers from nearby patrons.

He was mortified and completely red with embarrassment. He just wanted to get out of there, so he summoned all his strength to try and make for the door. He felt a hand on his shoulder from behind him and it seemed to be steadying him. He turned to look and it was Bette. She wore a huge smile and held a bag of ice.

“What the – “ Ryan managed to grunt before Bette cut him off.

“Shh,” she said, “just take this bag into the bathroom and ice down your balls for a little while. I doubt you want them to swell up to the size of my jugs.”

He couldn’t even muster a laugh at her joke, but he did manage to limp over to the men’s room and flop down in a stall. He was weak all through his body and the pain in his balls was excruciating. He put the bag of ice gently on his groin and prayed the cold would numb him.

After a few minutes of icing himself, Ryan started to get his wits back. Why had Rebecca played it so cool all night? If she didn’t want him to gawk a little at Bette’s boobs, she could’ve just said something. Instead, she made it seem like a joke – only to deliver a brutal kick to his balls. In front of the whole restaurant, no less. And what was with the little tease at the end to make it seem like she wanted a little more from Bette. Come meet me by the door. What the fuck was that all about? Sounds more like an invitation to a three-way than a ballbusting.

Worse, he thought, I’m going to have to go out there and face all those people. It’s not like they’ll be sympathetic. I’m just another guy gaping at Hooter’s girls and they probably think I deserved to get kicked.

As the pain continued to abate (the ice appeared to be working), Ryan now tried to gather the courage to make his escape. He stood up gingerly and found he could walk pretty normal. Emptying the bag of mostly melted ice into the sink, he convinced himself to get out.

He opened the door a crack to see if there was a clear path to the exit and was shocked to see Bette and Rebecca talking by the door. Rebecca was reenacting her kick while Bette played the role of Ryan. The way she made her eyes bulge as she crouched with her hand on her “balls” made Ryan feel a little stupid. Did I really look that pathetic, he wondered. That thought was immediately followed with a little anger that Rebecca still there hanging around with Bette. He forgot all about his embarrassment and went to solve this new mystery.

“Hey!” He said, moving as fast as the dull ache would let him. “What’s going on?” He pointed a finger first at Rebecca and then at Bette. “You think this is funny?”

“Calm down,” Rebecca retorted. She glanced at Bette and they both giggled.

“Come outside with us,” Bette said. “We’ll fill you in…if you promise to stay cool.”

Ryan nodded a reluctant assent and followed the two girls outside. Bette put her arm around his shoulders and they waited for Rebecca to compose herself as her giggle fit threatened to blossom into full-blown laughter.

“I’m actually a little sorry about that,” she began. “No warning, just an unexpected direct shot to the nuts.”

“Yeah,” Bette squeezed Ryan’s shoulder enthusiastically, “I’d say your kick was dead-on! Wasn’t it, Ryan?”

“Uh-huh,” he mumbled.

“What I really feel bad about is making you think I was pissed about you staring at Bette’s breasts,” Rebecca continued. “I just wanted people to think you deserved getting racked, no pun intended. Plus, I knew it would turn heads. What a rush knowing all those people watched me give you a good kick in the balls. And it gave Bette a heads up to get over to you with that bag of ice. I’m looking out for you.” She winked at Bette.

Ryan perked up. “Wait. You wanted people to see me get kicked?”

“Does that bother you?”

“Well, yeah. It’s embarrassing.” Ryan immediately thought back to when he’d first asked Rebecca out .... He’d responded by admitting how embarrassing it was to get kicked in the balls by a girl. “But you know that’s how I feel.”

“Exactly, and that’s why Bette convinced me to pull this little stunt – she and the other Hooter’s girls enjoy a little show of female power now and then. And your embarrassment just adds to it.”

“What?!” Ryan was stunned at this little revelation. “Bette was in on this?”

It was Bette’s turn to come clean. “You poor thing,” she said, letting go of his shoulder so he could look at her. “Becca and I are cousins. I’ve been in on it the whole time. We share a bit of a mean streak which usually results in a guy getting his balls busted.” She held up her hand mimicking giving some poor pair of testes a good hard squeeze.

“Today it was your balls that got it,” Rebecca added.

“Why?” He asked, not sure if he was asking about it being the day he got busted, or about Rebecca and Bette being crazy cousins.

“Well, yesterday I was talking to Bette and I brought up our first date and how I kneed you,” – Bette nodded her approval at this – “and our discussion about how all men need to get kicked in the balls by a woman. I told her I didn’t think you really learned my lesson, so she concocted this little scheme. We both agreed a public scene might help reinforce it.”

Ryan thought back to their discussion and how Rebecca truly believed that men had to be kicked in their balls by a girl to “unlearn” their chauvinistic views. He still didn’t want to accept this, but after this experience, he was starting to buy in.

“Honey,” Bette cut in, chuckling, “you have to admit, you were helpless after Becca busted you. Pissed, hurt and utterly helpless. I could’ve pushed you over with a feather. It was priceless!” She clapped her hand together and jumped up and down happily, her boobs almost bursting out of her Hooter’s tank top.

“Tell you what,” Rebecca said, “Why don’t the three of us get together tomorrow and we’ll give you the whole story.” She could see Ryan was practically recovered and looking quite ready to get out of there. Which wasn’t surprising considering people leaving the restaurant kept pointing and snickering as they passed the trio. The poor guy deserved some relief, she thought. After all, she knew her foot connected squarely with his balls and that had to hurt unbelievably. Her message was delivered and maybe she should give it time to sink in – just like how her foot sank deep in the V between his legs.

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