Seeking Arrangements and the Legality of Paying for Ballbusting

[FatSmurf]

I first heard about the site Seeking Arrangements through discussions on this site. For those unaware, it is a "sugar daddy" website that connects people looking to arrange financial agreements for whatever service you are looking for. It states that it does not allow people to arrange money-for-sex situations, but I imagine that's the overwhelming majority of the arrangements taking place anyway.

I recently decided to join the site after going through a rough break up and wanted to distract myself from that. At first, it was exciting messaging all these incredibly attractive girls that were way out of my league about ballbusting and actually getting some to respond and be interested. I began texting with some of them using an app that spoofs your number to protect my identity. In my mind, paying someone to kick you in the balls is not the same as paying someone to have actual sex. But as I started getting used to talking with these girls and realizing how much some of them were ok with doing, I started pushing the limits of what I was requesting.

My early messages stated I was looking for clothed kicks and knees, but was open to discussing more if they were comfortable with it. Then I started requesting we both get nude and do it, and then I started adding that we would have more physical contact like facesitting. It wasn't until today, only a couple hours before I was to have my first meet with a girl from the site who said she had "no limits" when I asked what she was comfortable with, that it dawned on me I might be getting into some pretty dangerous territory. I was pretty far from the original innocent clothed kicks and knees. But because it was a gradual build up to that point, I didn't consider I had strayed into a bit of a moral and legal grey area. At least until I had the thought that I would likely be tempted to ask for at least a handjob once things started considering how much I would have been paying, and I knew I was well beyond the grey area.

I have a job in government, and any sort of legal trouble like that would be life-ruining for me. I didn't think she was a cop or anything, but I started thinking about how she might secretly record our session on her phone or save our messages and use either of those as blackmail against me or risk being reported. After 5-10 minutes of an intense moral dilemma, I realized the risk was too great and I called it off.

The reason I'm posting this is because I'm wondering if I made the right call to cancel. How much of a risk would I have been taking, if any at all? Is it illegal to pay for ballbusting, and where is the line if you start adding non-penetration sexual activities? Can you ask someone to take their top off and squeeze your bare balls for some money? I know some of the members on here have paid for sessions, so I'm wondering what your experiences have been like? Did you keep it clothed and PG, or did you get more intimate and physical with the person you paid? Dominatrixes seem to be able to operate without much issue and even own brick-and-mortar dungeons. How sexual are they legally allowed to get with their customers?

I did also just get banned from the site because I messaged someone about facesitting in a session, but that person turned out to be a scammer and I think they reported me for calling them out. Customer service would not tell me the exact message I sent that got me banned, but I assume it was that one due to the timing of it. So maybe I should just take that as a sign and walk away.

[WutchaReturns]

Right now I have 3 girls in my town, 3 girls from 30-45 mins away, and a new one today that reliably kick me. All from seeking 

[Ash]

You’ve echoed all my concerns about seeking,com. I would apply the of ‘clean the pipe’ before using those sites, that’s is to say, don’t do it when you’re horny. I’ve not tried it yet but I’ve come to that conclusion through browsing fetlife and the like. It has to be a business-level decision done with a cool head. 

Saying ‘no limits’ is like stipulating you want unethical conduct in your accountant or a tradesman who doesn’t give a shit about his craftsmanship. That’s how I’ve come to look at it. You probably want the simulation on no limits, the feeling or impression, to get close to the edge. I imagine that’s why dommes get the big bucks, cos that requires a lot of trust and competency. And that’s the opposite of saying no limits to a random, unscrupulous stranger. 

So so I think you we absolutely right to trust your gut. 

[WutchaReturns]

I’ve done this for years. Usually just clothed ballbusting. Other fetishes too if the girl is ok with it but clothed the entire time. I’ve been able to get girls to do this for $40-80. Pain in the ass to get many to agree but there’s diamonds in the rough out there. 

[Tommy T down in cali]

Hi! I work in gov’t also, and pay for ballbusting sessions at a local brick and mortar dungeon several times per year. Been going there for just about seven years now. While I’ve grown rather comfortable that nobody working their plans to “blackmail” me, when meeting a new domme for the first time, traditionally before leaving my car I “strip my wallet” of all ID cards and bank cards, anything with my name on it... sometimes I’ll leave my smartphone in the car also. The point is, nobody can blackmail you if they don’t know who you are, don’t know how to contact you in order to extort money...
Is pay for play sessions w/ballbusting legal? We visit this website from different countries and different provinces, in any United States territory, hiring a person to abuse you in a way you find sexy is “paying for entertainment” no different from if you hired a band to play music at your families backyard wedding or hired a clown to entertain at a child’s party. But it’s important to understand that local/regional values will vary and cops and prosecutors in “Iowa” for example may be more interested in charging us or pro-domme’s inaccurately for solicitation than law enforcement in Los Angeles or New York City or Vegas etc.
when I go into a session, I always ask permission from the pro-domme to strip down to my underwear, and I never ask a pro-domme to “strip naked” for me or ask to expose myself. With that said, some have “elected” (without asking me) to take their tops off, or have asked my permission for my underwear to come off. In this example, this becomes consensual behavior between adults even if a tribute has been paid in order to initiate pay for play fantasy entertainment. Some pro-domme’s have initiated hand jobs or asked me to masturbate because they wanted to watch. This makes me uncomfortable on the occasions when it happens, but it’s not prostitution if you never asked for it. If you don’t want to do it, you also have the right to say No, that is outside my boundaries...
Canceling your SA appointment was entirely the right thing to do if you weren’t feeling comfortable about going into it.
Brick and mortar dungeon domme’s in principle are great, because ideally they are professional and also understand our fetish interests best. The likelihood of something turning into a blackmail disaster is lower because in theory they want new and returning customers to continue entering their establishment in the future. Facesitting is awesome, some pro domme’s want to do it. Others don’t, respect any woman who doesn’t want to facesit on you, and never ask her to strip her clothing of any specific layer for the facesitting experience.
If you can’t trust yourself not to ask for a hand job, penetration or any other kind of release, then definitely don’t go into a pro session until you can trust yourself not to ask. Or otherwise, find pro-domme’s who are comfortable playing games like “edging” or “tease and denial” or whichever bdsm games you can think of where you’ve watched a video of a pro-domme doing it, and you might have witnessed in the video stroking, a blow job or penetration. There are definitely some pro-domme’s who will get that personal at their discretion, but many will be found in private dungeons within their own homes and will likely charge significantly more than publicly advertised multiple staff professional dungeons. Hope I gave you some good food for thought! Good luck and be safe and respectful!