Emasculation

A while ago I wrote a post here, mentioning an upcoming vacation with my old friend and disciplinarian, Moon. Well, the vacation happened, was quite pleasant, and changed our relationship a little. In short, whereas before our sexual relationship was "complicated", I'm now her fully emasculated sub.

It's quite an interesting change. When Moon & I first started dating years ago, she was my sub. Once we realized we're both into ballbusting - I'm not the first man she's busted - we became more switchy. But still pretty balanced.

Later we moved on to an open relationship. That's when she started scrambling my eggs on every date, and often denying me sex. But we still did have sex. And when we're fucking, I'm on top, and she's on the bottom getting pounded hard.

It had been a few years since we had met, tho we kept in touch online. When we first were together again, we immediately fell back to our old ritual: I gave her a long, slow, kissy, obedient massage. Neck, back, arms, legs, and especially feet. When she's satisfied, she ordered me onto my back. For a humiliation handjob. Cock teased, balls beaten, ego reduced, cum drained.

We carried on like that the first couple days and I didn't try anything more. But one day I was really horny, and she'd been teasing me hard. We were both naked, so I roll on top of her, held her down, and kissed her like I really wanted to fuck her. She played along for a couple minutes, enjoying it.

Then she pushed me back - and told me I'm not allowed to fuck her, it's not my place, my cock isn't hard enough anyway (she wasn't giving it any attention, for obvious reasons), that I'm her sub and not her boyfriend. She commanded me to get on my back "where you belong". Then she gave me a humiliation handjob.

After that she set the rules - often informally, sometimes explicitly.

I am allowed to kiss her respectfully on the lips. I am allowed to kiss her respectfully on her ass cheeks. I am allowed and required to kiss her feet. I am required to give her massages on command. I am allowed to caress her body any way I want when I'm hard. I am allowed and encouraged to hump her cute little ass when I get horny (i.e. all the time). And I'm allowed to beg for a ballbusting handjob when I need release.

But - I am not allowed to french kiss her. I am not allowed to be rough or forceful with her. I am not allowed to pull her hair. I am not allowed to hold her down or in any way use my superior strength on her. I am not allowed whatsoever to be on top in bed. And I'm not allowed to fuck her - I'm not even allowed to touch her pussy. As she says, that's for her boyfriend, not her sub.

Mostly this was unspoken and de facto during our vacation. Afterwards we discussed it and she formalized some of the rules. As always, she expects me to behave like a traditional manly-man in public. Tho I wonder how obvious it is to other people, that I'm pussy whipped? We're back to our separate lives now, thousands of miles apart.

I definitely feel emasculated. Obviously I'm still a man - this whole thing is kinky sex play centered on the difference between men and women. But with Moon, I'm forbidden from acting like a man. I can be horny and desperate, sure - she loves that. But I'm not allowed to do anything about it. Anything, except beg for a humiliation handjob. Cock teased, balls beaten with her little fists, verbally humiliated, until she lets me come and squeezes every last drop out.

Although it was a little frustrating when she denied me, I now feel very comfortable with my new 100% sub role. It was moving that way for a long while when we were together. I'm glad she took away the ambiguity and put me in my place.

Besides, it's never that physically frustrating. Moon is the opposite of a blue ball princess! She totally loves pumping the cum out of my cock. She says it's satisfying - the liquid itself - and good for her stress. So I always get to cum when I play with her. She said it explicitly: I get to cum, I just don't get to cum "like a real man".

In most relationships the man's erection is a symbol of virile power. In my relationship with Moon, my erection is a symbol of my weakness and submission to her. That's what emasculation means to us.

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