The Kicking of Mack Mallard

[R-Gii]

“Okay, have fun with your friends,” Mack called after Dax and Gwen as they headed out of the nest to meet up with Kim and the others.

“We will,” Dax said.

“Don’t worry Dad,” Gwen assured them.

“And make sure to be safe,” Pam called after them.

And then the two of them flapped away.

Once the kids were out of sight, Pam sighed in the silence that followed, “Peace and quiet,” she said.

Mack turned to Pam, a romantic look in his eyes. “Now that we got the nest to ourselves, maybe we should try something new.”

“Oh my,” said Pam, eyes going wide, before falling into a flirtatious return, “and what exactly are you suggesting?”

Mack looked at her, all serious business “Well, you know how when a girl duck like you gets kicked in a certain place, nothing happens, but when the same thing happens to a boy duck, like me…?”

Pam’s eyes went wider, “And you’re suggesting that we… That I…” she flicked her webbed foot demonstratively.

Mack nodded.

“And you really want that?” Pam asked in shock. She had never thought of doing that, but she couldn’t hide the fact that the thought amused her.

“You know me, Mr. Adventure Duck, I’m ready for anything,” Mack said, spreading his wings and looking all noble.

“And being…” she demonstrated again, “does that count as ‘anything’?” Pam asked.

“Well, you know how anytime a guy gets hit in the… you know,” Mack said, suddenly awkward to be explaining it, but determined to press on, “how he instantly collapses and starts moaning and stuff, haven’t you ever wondered what it must feel like for it to gather such a response?”

“Well, I’ve never had to wonder about that,” Pam said, plopping down into her nest.

“Well I have,” said Mack, refusing to let this go, “And I want to try it. With you. Because you’re beautiful.”

“Okay,” Pam said, standing back up, “but isn’t that a little extreme?” She looked at him, halfway torn between concern and amusement.

Mack straightened up, standing tall and strong, “Nothing is too extreme for Mr. Adventure Duck.”

Pam’s eye’s lit, now fully amused. “Well, okay…” Pam looked at him curiously, “But what on Earth makes you want to try this in the first place?”

“Because we’re in a relationship, and that means sharing my weaknesses with you as much as my strengths.”

Pam narrowed her eyes flirtatiously, “And it has nothing to do with how you find my tail feathers attractive, and me showing off you’re differences will remind you how I’m different from you,” she shifted her tail feathers behind her suggestively.

Mack went red, “Well, that too.”

“You know I can show off my tail features to you any time you want,” Pam said, continuing to give her tail feathers their flirtatious ruffling.

Mack shook his head to clear it, he would not let her distract him from his goal; she certainly was attractive… “But this time I want to show off to you,” he said, “show off to you how I’m special.”

Pam took a step back in confusion, letting her tail feathers relax, glancing down at Mack quickly, then back up, “so the ability to knock you to your knees in one kick, a move that, let me remind you, does not work on me, is something you consider special about yourself?”

“I know,” Mack said, “I mean, isn’t that cool? Or whatever young ducks say these days instead of cool. Do they still use ‘cool’ anymore?”

Pam gave him those eyes, feeling a sudden attraction for him all over, the thought of actually doing this suddenly feeling more appealing than it probably should, “okay, but if I do this, you have to promise to let me take care of you while you recover, and later, I get to show off my tail feathers to you all I want.”

Mack’s eyes brightened, holding out a wing, “Then it’s a deal.”

So they shook on it.

Then, Mack backed up a few feet and stood with legs slightly apart.

“Okay, I got my legs apart and ready to go!” Mack said, looking down at himself, ruffling his feathers, self-conscious of the vulnerability he suddenly felt. But this was Pam, he shared everything with Pam, even his embarrassment. “That is enough room for you to get through, right honey?” Mack asked.

Pam looked him up and down, “I think that’s wide enough,” she replied with amusement in her eyes, “never underestimate the aim of a hen ‘trying something new’.”

“Okay, I’m ready,” Mack said, standing straight with determination, filling himself with confidence in his decision before the nervousness of the pain he was about to face could hit him.

“Okay, here comes,” Pam said. And with that, she lifted one foot off the ground, and shot it straight at Mack in as hard a fancy side-kick she could.

TW-CRACK!

Instantly, a quack of sudden shock erupted from Mack’s throat as the pain hit him.

Pam stood there for a second, trying to process what she had just heard… And then she collapsed in laughter. She couldn’t help it, that quack was so unexpected and hilarious (and maybe even a little cute), she just lost it, before she could even see what happened to Mack next.

Mack on the other feather felt such pain, his mind couldn’t even process it; for a second, he could only stand there stunned, his body hunched inwards on itself, feeling nausea rising up within him; he knew instantly that this was a bad idea. “So that’s what that feels like,” he said with no more than a squawk.

But he was wrong, that’s only what the initial shock felt like, the full force of the pain wasn’t far behind, and it fully hit him in an instant.

And thus Mack collapsed, crying out in absolute agony, grabbing himself with his wings, clutching himself, trying helplessly to ease the pain in his most sensitive regions, “I take it back! I take it back! I’m not up for this anymore! Please take it back!”

Pam, who had just recovered from the quack, finally managed to regain her feet, as she watched Mack writhing, she couldn’t help but feel a growing humor and attraction toward him. “Well I don’t, I think this is hilarious,” she said. Nobody told her seeing her husband like this, cradling his “special” place so desperately would be so attractive, “I thought you were Mr. Adventure Duck.”

“This isn’t an adventure,” Mack squawked, wings clutching himself desperately, “this is torture! Mr. Adventure Duck isn’t cut out for this!”

Pam couldn’t stop herself, she burst out laughing again, “I’m so sorry,” she tried to apologize, “this is just too funny! I can’t believe you asked this of me!”

“I can’t either,” Mack moaned. He knew this had been his idea, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt THIS bad! At least he now knew what it must feel like to make a duck act like this. How could he feel something this painful that Pam couldn’t even understand? She must think he looked so ridiculous right now! He had thought that the fact that she knew everything about him would make this any less embarrassing, but he guessed there were just some male secrets too awkward to share with a she-duck, even if she already did know everything about you…

Though in some strange way, he was still almost glad to have shared this experience with her. If it hadn’t HURT this bad!

Still, despite her amusement in it all, Pam couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her husband, he was acting so adorable right now, but she knew it must also be painful. “Here, scoot over,” she said siding up next to him and laying down beside him, cozying up close. “Let me take care of you right now.” So, Mack pressed tight against her, her soothing feathers helping to distract him from the pain he was feeling. “There, now isn’t that better?”

“A little,” Mack said weakly, “just let me…” then, with one wing still clutching himself, he grabbed one of Pam’s wings with the other, brought it to his beak, then screamed into it.

When he was done, he let go of the wing, and Pam let it rest over him, patting him lightly. “There, all better,” Mack said, the pain he had felt finally beginning to subside; snuggling next to the one you love can make all the difference, even when the fact that your partner is female and you are not is an embarrassing reminder of why you’re here in this situation in the first place.

They sat side by side for awhile, when Pam finally spoke up, “I just can’t believe that worked,” she said, still in stunned amusement over what had just transpired. Then she looked at him, “I’m so sorry, you must feel so embarrassed right now.”

“Yeah,” said Mack with a blush, waving her off with a wing, “But you’re my wife, I’ll get over it.”

“I mean everywhere you go,” Pam said, getting up, “Just taking a step outside, how do you know you’re ever safe? How do you live with your life knowing that you’re capable of being so weak?” She turned to him with realization, “Is that why you were so worried about leaving the pond?”

But Mack didn’t answer, still caught up on the thing she had said before that. “Wait, you think I’m weak?” Mack asked, ruffling his feathers, suddenly self-conscious.  He had known Pam wasn’t prone to the same situation as he was, but that didn’t make him any weaker, right?

“No no,” Pam corrected, “I just think it’s easy to make you weak. Too easy...” She looked at him in confusion, “How are you males able to be so confident in your strengths when it can all be so easily knocked out of you with one hit?”

“We don’t really have to worry about it much,” Mack said, feeling a bit awkward by this conversation.

“Well you must get lucky,” Pam observed, “Real lucky. I mean it’s right there, anything could hit it, and there’s nothing you can do about it until it’s too late!”

Mack looked unimpressed.

“Well, I’m feeling better now,” Mack said, getting to his feet; he still felt a bit of pain, but other than the uneasiness of being on his feet after such an incident, he could make do. “I think I’m going to go get some berries.”

“Oh no need,” said Pam, heading for the nest’s opening, “lay back down and recover, I’ll get them for you.”

“The pain has mostly faded now, I’m not that helpless,” Mack said as he made his way past Pam.

But Pam stepped in front of him, holding a wing out gently to stop him.

“No, I promised I would take care of you today,” Pam said.

“We never shook on that,” Mack protested, “We only agreed you’d take care of me until I recovered.”

Pam looked at Mack, quickly glancing down, then back up again.

Pam didn’t know what came over her, but before she could stop herself, her leg shot out once again, shooting upward, and connecting with the place where Mack’s legs connected, hard.

Mack’s eyes went wide; he was already still feeling delicate down there from the first kick, and as the pain exploded inside him once again, nothing could explode out of his mouth again but another “ Quack !”

And then Mack collapsed, once again in absolute pain. Every nerve was reminding him how fragile he felt down there, and nothing this fragile could be ready for this kind of pain!

Pam covered her mouth with a wing to cover her laughter; despite her guilt, Pam couldn’t help but feel another charge of amusement washing over her, Mack looked so adorable when he was in this state, “See? You’re still recovering,” she said, “Now let me get you those berries, it’s obvious you can’t do it yourself now.”

“Ugh! Why did you have to do that!?” Mack cried, clutching at himself helplessly, “now I do feel like I’m weak!”

“Oh, relax,” Pam assured him, “I still haven’t forgotten what a strong and capable father and husband you are.”

“Well, I don’t feel strong,” Mack moaned.

“I thought you wanted to try this,” Pam said.

“ONCE!” Mack cried, “Now I feel like a weakling seeing how I can obviously be taken out of commission anytime with just one simple kick!”

“Well…” Pam said with a chuckle, “that sounds like something you’ll have to work out on your own. All I know is that you are a strong competent father and I completely trust you to do your best to take care of your family. Except when you happen to be hit there. Then you’re apparently totally useless, and we both know now that can all happen too easily for comfort, so… Just don’t get hit there. Unless you have no choice of course, and in that case…” She stopped as if suddenly realizing the potential faultiness of leaving the sole protection of the family in the wings of the man of the nest.

Mack just groaned.

“Don’t worry,” Pam said, turning back toward him, “we’re a team, we work together; I’ll always be there to step in when you so inconveniently can’t.”

“Well that makes me feel a lot better about myself,” Mack said without enthusiasm. How could he see himself like this? He didn’t see himself as this vulnerable.

“Well you just rest, I’ll get you some berries while you recover,” Pam said sweetly.

Pam retreated out of the nest leaving Mack moaning there to himself, and came back in a few moments later with some of Mack’s favorite Jamaican berries. She laid them down in front of him, “There you go sweety, all for you.”

“I don’t think I can eat them now,” Mack said through his nausea, “I think I’m going to throw up.”

“Well, just take your time, maybe I can show off my tail feathers while you’re recovering.” Pam turned around, parted her wings slightly, and adjusting her tail, began flexing her feathers. She looked back at him sweetly, “How’s that sweetheart?”

“As good as it can be when I’m in excruciating pain,” Mack groaned, “Do you have any idea what that feels like?”

Pam bent her head down and looked at him through the opening in her legs, “Seriously? I’m literally showing off my tail feathers to you. Do I look like I would know how that feels if I got hit through here?” She couldn’t hold back a laugh.

Mack blushed; she was absolutely right, that’s why this whole situation was so appealing. Hens were such amazing ducks, and Pam was the most amazing hen of them all. Even through the pain, it suddenly felt good to be a drake if that meant being able to appreciate how a beautiful henlike Pam was different from him. Feeling as vulnerable as he did now in his unmentionable spot was just an embarrassing reminder of what he admired so much about Pam.

Plop!

Pam went still as something white and gooey landed unexpectedly in front of Mack’s face. Pam went red.

“Well, I guess that’s what happens when you flex too hard,” she said flustered, “I did not mean to do that. Don’t mind the offering do you?”

Mack looked at her in shock for a moment, and then he burst out laughing. He was still in a lot of pain, but he couldn’t hold it back. Pam stood there a second, now in her own share of embarrassment, but in a moment, she couldn’t help but join in the laughter too.

A little bit later, Mack and Pam were huddled in their nest, cozied up side by side together once more, the nausea finally toned down enough in his fragile-feeling embarrassing place for Mack to enjoy the berries with her a little.

“So, now that you know all about males, what do you think?” Mack asked.

Pam looked at him, amusement once again lighting her eyes, “What do you want, the complement or the roast?”

“All of it,” Mack said, “remember, I’m Mr. Adventure Duck, I’m ready for anything!”

Pam laughed, “Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” She turned to him lovingly, “Well, I can’t deny it, how do you males manage it? Being so strong but yet so vulnerable, so admirable yet so amusing at the same time. And how you never fail to be so attractive either way you go, I have to say, I can’t help but be a little impressed.”

“Well, us males are pretty great,” Mack said proudly.

“I suppose you are,” Pam said with sweet eyes.

“And so are you,” Mack said, resting his head gently on his partner’s head, wrapping his feathers around her.

And so the two of them rested, cozied up together until they dozed off. Though Mack still felt a slight ache where he would not mention, right now, with this moment of bonding, maybe it had kind of been worth it