Rocky Mountain Cattle 2

[R-Gii]

The late afternoon Sun shone golden across the valley as the two cattle made their way peacefully through the ranges of the Rocky Mountains.

In the days since they had fled that farm that had completely misunderstood the dictionary definition of "oyster" entirely, Seymore had enjoyed transversing through this peaceful mountain scenery with his babe Bella.

"How'd you know it'd do it like that?" Seymore asked suddenly, referring to the... interesting kicking incident that had happened before they'd left, "Is it something you just see and go like, 'Wow, that's gotta be a place that hurts'?"

"It's just something a cow knows," Bella said simply, "Male cattle are... you know, and us lady cows are..." She came to a stop and looked at him. "You really know nothing about any of that?"

Seymore shook his head. He knew he wasn't the smartest cattle around - Bella had no qualms telling him as much - but he felt he was missing something.

Bella just sighed, continuing on.

"How do you suppose you lady cows work?" Seymore piped up again, trotting around her and suddenly peaking under her, pulling her to an irritable stop. "Like milk. How do you suppose milk works? Do you think there's some sort of special method to it, or...?" Curiously, he tapped her special milking place with a hoof, causing Bella a jolt. She whacked his hoof away with her own and looked down at him displeasingly. He gave her an apologetic glance.

Then, "You don't suppose that's also how you pee do you?"

Bella gave out a frustrated sigh, "No, that is not how we pee." She lifted her leg a little, revealing what was behind where he was looking, "Clear things up for you sweetheart?"

"Oh..." Seymore said; he raised his head, "That makes sense."

"I'd hope so," Bella replied.

...

"You know, you are quite pretty," Seymore said.

"I'm sure," Bella answered, unimpressed.

They continued on a bit more, but after a short bit, Bella had to pull to a stop. She hadn't been milked for a few days, and the weight was beginning to become more and more apparent, something she had noticed when Seymore had... tapped her. Noticing Bella no longer at his side, Seymore turned back and looked at her.

"You okay babe?"

"Yeah, just haven't been milked in awhile."

Seymore looked at her. That sounded like something that could be disastrous if left unchecked.

"Why?" was all he could think to ask.

Bella just looked at him. Was he really that-

"Listen, I'm going to need to find someone to milk me," she replied patiently, "It's not healthy for a cow to go this long without."

Seymore looked around the valley, but finding nobody else around to answer the call, he came to the stunning conclusion...

"Do you think I can do it?"

Bella sighed. Well, at least he was asking this time. "Come over and see what you can do."

Seymore trotted over to her and looked under, "You know, it's been awhile since I've dealt with one of these, don't know if it'd taste good anymore actually, so I'm going to try another method."

He looked at his hoofs and measured them against Bella. Didn't look like that'd work. Trying to find a right positioning, he tapped her a few times, giving Bella an uncomfortable jolt.

"Could you try to be just a little bit more sensitive down there?" She asked in frustration. The fact that she even put up with him was beyond her.

"Sorry," Seymore said.

He realized finally there was no way he was going to position his hoofs just right to get the milking done well.

Then he had an idea, "Hey, maybe if I kicked you like you kicked me, the milk will just..." He didn't have the words to finish his thought, but somehow he just knew it'd work.

Bella's eyes went wide, "Wait, no-"

But it was too late, Seymore had already lifted a hoof, and drove it right into Bella's milk... place.

Bella gave a strangling groan as her body jolted to the side.

Seymore looked at her surprised, "That didn't work?"

"NO!" Bella shouted, "You stupid bull! You know absolutely nothing! How you even manage to survive out here is beyond me! And to think I gave up my life on the farm...?"

Seymore's face fell.

"You don't think it's beautiful out here?"

Bella looked at him and the darkening mountain sky behind him, and her face softened, "No, it's not that..."

"It's just me," Seymore said. Deflated, he walked away and sat down a few yards away, back turned.

Bella felt a little bad. Well, of course some of his behavior was a bit uncalled for, but she'd kicked him in worse places.

Ignoring the heaviness of the milk underneath her, she stepped up next to him and sat down beside him, glad for a opportunity to rest her sore utters. The Sun had sunk below the mountains, and stars were beginning to appear in the sky in whatever sunlight was left.

"Listen, you are a doofus, I'm not going to deny that..." Bella sighed, "But through it all, I believe you mean well. You just... Need to learn some boundaries. A lot of boundaries. A lot lot of boundaries."

Seymore just looked at her, not sure he was getting the gist of what she was trying to say.

"But that's beside the point," Bella continued again, "I came out here because I wanted to be with you. Perhaps it was my bad judgment, but... I wanted to be out here with you."

They sat in silence another long moment.

"So, what about the milk?" Seymore asked.

"Well, I suppose we could have babies, but that won't happen fast enough."

Silence.

"We could find someone to drink it."

Seymore looked over at her, not sure if she was joking, "Not really my thing," he said.

"Not you, you doofus," Bella said.

Seymore flinched, looking away.

"Sorry," Bella said finally, it wasn't nice, calling him a doofus. Even if it was kind of true.

"So we should adopt?" Seymore asked finally.

"Yeah, adopt just so we can have someone to drink my milk, I'm sure that'll go over well," Bella retorted.

They sat there thinking awhile longer.

Finally, Bella got her hoofs under her, making an effort to ignore the weight of milk building up inside her, still a little sore from that kick. "I suppose there's not much that can be done about it now, let's go."

Seymore stood up after her, and again the two of them were walking under the moonlit sky.

"You gotta admit, it was a good idea," Seymore said finally.

"What? You thought a kick would create the right kind of pressure to... I don't know, milk me all by itself?" She allowed herself a laugh, "Did that work when I did it to you?"

"I nearly wet myself," Seymore admitted.

"That's not the same thing!" Bella laughed.

"I wouldn't know the difference between wetting myself and milking myself," Seymore mumbled.

"Of course you wouldn't," Bella replied sweetly. It's not like a bull had ever had to deal with not being milked before.

"Perhaps we should go back," Seymore said finally, "You shouldn't be out here."

Bella turned to look at him, "No. You know we can't do that."

"You can," Seymore said, bowing his head. "Does it really matter what happens to me? I mean, this talk of Rocky Mountain Oysters? What does one even need them for. Like, what function do they even serve?"

Bella turned to look at him, flabbergasted, "What function do they serve? They serve a lot of functions! How do you literally know nothing?!"

"How do you know everything?! It's not even your bodi-"

Before he could finish that last word, Bella spun around and drove a hoof straight into his... 4-and-a-half-star menu items.

Seymore's eyes went wide, and instantly he dropped.

"Ow! Ow! OWWW!" He howled in desperation; He rolled around moaning, trying to writhe himself into the ground to ease the pain, but nothing could be done to stop this malfunctioning of his body. How does a woman DO that!?

"Do you know why that hurts so much?" Bella cried, exasperated, "Because it's important. It hurts because your body is trying to tell you to protect what's important!"

"If pain equals importance, I don't see how anything could be this important," Seymore moaned.

"Children Seymore, I want children!"

Seymore stopped his writhing, but only a moment, because the pain was too much, then he went back to moaning once more.

Bella took a deep calming breath, and sat down beside her wounded partner, she realized once again she could've used a softer kick, but that wasn't really her thing, "I still don't understand how you don't know any of this," she said.

"I don't understand how you do," Seymore moaned, rolling himself into the best position he possibly could.

Bella and Seymore remained there a long while longer, 'til Seymore's moaning began to quiet down, fortunately Bella felt a bit calmer now, she had really needed that. As the sounds of the night began to once again take its place, Bella began to notice a sound that was ringing off in the distance.

"Wait here," she said, standing up and wincing at the heavy weight within her. She ignored it and moved on. Seymore, finally managing his feet and made it after her. How could he still feel it?

As they neared the sound, it became apparent as frightened mewing sort of thing. Bella stopped beside a large tumble of fallen branches and looked under.

"Hello there, are you alright?"

Looking through the tangled bark, she could make out the trembling form of a frightened cougar cub.

"Is your mother around?" Bella asked again, the cougar cub just slunk further back into the branches. She knew she should be being cautious around such a creature, but perhaps every cow has a little bit of motherly instinct there inside of them.

"I'd hope her mother isn't around to be honest," Seymore said. He may not be the brightest bull, but somehow he figured meeting a fullgrown version of this thing in the dark of the night would not be the wisest thing to do.

"She ain't," the cougar cub mewed pathetically, "She dead!"

Seymore turned his head and noticed a tumble of fallen rocks nearby, the sad form of a fallen cougar laying beside it. The cougar cub began crying again.

Bella felt her heart softening, her own bodily problems now completely forgotten.

"Come out of there, it's alright, I got you."

The cub looked at her, then softly put forward a paw. Slowly, cautiously, she slunk out from under the tree. Bella lowered her head comfortingly, and the cub began to cry again, burring her head into fur of the comfort cow.

"I got you," Bella said again, using her hefty body to shield the cub from the sight of her fallen mother, "I won't let anything happen to you. Tell me anything you need and I'll get it for you."

"I'm kinda hungry," the cub said weakly.

Bella was about to respond, but before she could do anything, the cub slipped its way through her legs, and less than a moment later Bella gave a jump of surprise, as the cub began drinking of the milk from Bella's body. Then Bella looked at the poor thing affectionately.

"You take all the milk you need," Bella said gently.

Seymore's eyes lit up, "I told you, adoption."

Bella glared at him, "That was not the intent. And I still want some of our own."

"Can do," said Seymore smartly.

Then, "How do we do that again?"

Bella just rolled her eyes, "You'll figure it out."

But then she looked down at the cub, still drinking greedily, and new affection filled her heart.

"But for the time being," she continued, "this one is going to need a mother."

"And that could be us," Seymore replied enthusiastically. "Well, you at least. I wouldn't make a very good mother." ... "I could be the father! That'd be cool. As long as she doesn't eat us that is."

Bella suppressed a chuckle, "Good idea genius."

Seymore brightened at this compliment and Bella realized her "compliment" had probably missed its mark entirely.

Then Bella gave an unexpected start as the cub began to paw upward (not entirely clawless), struggling as it reached for her milk. She realized that perhaps the cub wasn't used to standing up and drinking like most other hoofed creatures, so she lowered herself to the ground and tried to imitate how a cougar mother might do it for her cub. She didn't appreciate how... that certain part slapped down in to the ground like it did, but for the fate of this abandoned cub, she would ignore. As the cub lay there drinking, she began to doze. Bella would just remain there as long as she needed.

But Seymore had one more thing to say, he bent his head down beside Bella and said quietly, "But considering the cougar activity in the area, I suppose we shouldn't linger here too long."

"Just as soon as I'm done feeding," Bella replied.