Brother’s Christmas Nightmare - Part 2

[Sean D]

Note: trying out some jackass style humour in this one. Some self defence with a humorous twist

Doug sat nervous as hell in a chair as the neighbourhood girls filed into the living room. He was so embarrassed. He shuffled the pillows underneath his Santa jacket uncomfortably. He tugged at his fake Santa beard. He couldn’t believe his mom was making him play Santa for the neighbourhood girls.

Well, at least it had been more than an hour since he had been kicked in the balls. If this was all else he had to do today, then at least his swollen balls could recuperate from the savage kicks he received earlier. It was so hard for him not to reach down between his legs and coddle his nuts. He instinctively wanted to keep checking that they were ok.

The tapping of his mother’s shoe got his attention. He got to his feet. “Uh, ho ho ho, girls! Merry Christmas!”

The event was for less privileged girls from the neighbourhood. Jen was part of a community association that raised money for presents for the girls. She thought it would be nice for them to get the presents on Christmas from none other than Santa himself. Jen wasn’t a big fan of the patriarchical myth of Santa, but she couldn’t change the entire world at once.

Doug had a list of the girls’ names. As each came up, he called them by name, as if he knew them (because he was Santa) and gave them their designated present. They all opened their gifts.

Doug gulped as, one by one, the girls all unwrapped shoes. High heels, boots, soccer cleats, steel toed shoes, velvet shoes... there were all types. Why was he surprised?

Doug saw his sister and her friend Hailey chatting with one of the girls. They were pointing over towards Doug and giggling.

All the girls were trying on their new shoes. Doug wanted to cover his balls. He was instinctively afraid of all girls now. Why did all girls’ shoes seem specially designed to kick balls? He thought.

He felt at tap on the shoulder. It was the girl who had been chatting with his sister. She wore her hair in a pony tail. She was wearing a red skirt and green stockings. She had already put on her new shoes - a pair of pointy white leather boots that went up past her ankles. They had a steel toe on their tip.

“You’re not Santa!” She bellowed.

All the girls went silent. Everyone looked at him.

“You’re not Santa!” She said again, pointing at him in an accusing way.

Doug put on his best Santa voice. “Well of course I am, hohoho! I... uh... got you those shoes.”

The girl looked at him like she had him trapped. “Yeah, well what colour shoes did I ask for?”

“Uhh, white,” he replied, smiling.

“Wrong!” She yelled. All the girls were looking at him with angry glares now. “I asked for purple shoes! These are the wrong colour!”

“Well, uh...” Doug was trying to think of what to say.

He didn’t have anymore time to think though. The girl grabbed at his beard and pulled it off. All the girls gasped. “He is a fake!” They all screamed.

“Fake!”

“Fake!”

The calls came from different parts of the room. Doug was in panic. He didn’t know what to do. He was looking around, distracted, and this left him wide open.

The girl with the pony tail took a swing back with her foot. She looked at the loose V made by his Santa pants and she kicked as hard as she could.

Her pointy steel toe connected directly with his right nut. All the breath went out of him. It felt like his right nut was being sliced in half!

“Eeeeehhhh” squeeled Doug. He sounded like a squeeling pig. He immediately fell to his knees. Meanwhile, the girl with the pony tail’s blue eyes widened with amazement at what she had done. She had felt her pointy toe feel something “down there” between his legs, and she hadn’t in a million years thought she would see him drop to he knees like that. And his screaming!

Doug continued screaming. “My ball! My ball!” He was frantically feeling it to see if it was still whole. He couldn’t get a good feel because of the baggy pants.

The room was silent. The only male in the room, he had a room full of women and girls staring at him being hit in an organ that they did not possess. There was silence, except for his screaming.

Then the girl with the pony tail and pointy shoes, her mouth widened into a large smile. She started giggling. Then all the other girls started giggling. Then it became full on laughter.

Doug collapsed to the floor, rocking back and forth and crying loudly. He kept repeating “my ball! My ball!” The girls all gathered around him in a circle, pointing at him and laughing. Soon their laughing was drowning out his screaming.

The girl looked over to Sarah, Doug’s sister, and gave her a thumbs up. Sarah’s plan to continue her brother’s Christmas torment was succeeding.

Jen hadn’t actually expecting this situation, but she found it halarious nonetheless. And then she had an idea.

“Girls. Indeed, this is NOT Santa. He tricked me too.”

The girls all booed Doug, who was still rolling back and forth.

“This should be a lesson to all of you girls about strange men. They may lie to you and try to take advantage of you.”

“Do you girls know how to defend yourselves against boys and men like that?”

A girl raised her hand.

“Yes?”

“You kick them between the legs!” A lot of the other girls giggled.

“And do you know why you kick them between the legs?”

“Their nuts!” Said a girl.

Another girl asked her. “Do they make a CRUNCH sound?”

They all laughed. “Well I don’t know. I suppose they could. I suppose they could make all kinds of funny sounds. Maybe someday you’ll find out, if a bad man tries to hurt you.” She winked at the girls.

“How many of you girls have learned how to defend yourselves from boys who want to bully you, or men who may attack you? How many of you have kicked someone in the balls before?”

Only a few of the girls put up their hands. “Well, well, that won’t do. Every girl should be prepared for the worst!” Said Jen.

“Well girls,” she pointed to Doug on the ground. “We have here a bad guy who tried to trick you by pretending to be Santa. Why don’t we show him what happens to bad guys?”

All the girls cheered. Jen and Sarah pulled Doug to his feet. “Ok girls, now line up.”

The girls all lined up in front of Doug, who was held up by his mom and sis. “This Christmas keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it Dougy boy!” She winked to him.

Doug thought for sure his balls couldn’t take one more kick, after all they had already suffered. He just prayed that the girls’ kicks would miss or not be too hard.

A girl with a white dress and pink velvet boots went first. WHAM. She missed. Doug gave a sigh of relief. The girl looked at him, waiting for the reaction that didn’t come. Sarah realized she had missed. “Try again dear.” The girl wound back and let loose with all she had. This time, she connected dead centre in his sac. Doug bowled and tried to collapse, but was held up.

The girl stood there for a minute watching all the funny expressions and sounds he made. Then the next girl was up. Doug looked at the line of girls, specifically the line of hard, and many pointy, shoes. Then he looked up to all of their smiling, beaming faces. All so excited to kick him in his most painful spot. All wanting to see him cry like a little girl! “No, please!!!” He begged.

The next girl up was an aspiring ballerina. She had hear tights on and had just received brand new ballet flats. Oh no, he thought.

The girl looked so elegant as she gracefully kicked her leg upwards. WHAM.

Doug’s eyes bulged out. His face went beat red. He couldn’t breath. He fell to his knees. Jen could see that he was struggling to breath but couldn’t. The girl who had just kicked him was amazed at what she had done to him. The other girls were all laughing.

Doug pointed down between his legs in panic. He looked up at Sarah and pointed frantically. He was motioning her to do something. “What?” She asked. He grew more frantic. “What?” She approached him.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Doug caught his breath. He coughed and gasped. He managed to say “My ball. Check my ball.”

Sarah smiled widely. Was this it? She thought. Had he lost a nut? To some ballerina shoes? She giggled at the thought but felt a twinge if jealousy as well. Excitedly, she reached down between his legs. And she only felt one ball. She looked at him in amazement. He shrieked with fear based at the look on her face.

“But wait...” “there should be something left...” she felt around the left side of his sac and felt nothing, no remains or anything.

Jen came and felt. All the girls were pressed closely in now, watching Doug’s most painful and humiliating moment, and they were all laughing at him.

“It seems that she kicked one of his balls into his body,” said Jen. The girl who did the kicking jumped up and down in her ballerina shoes. She was so excited.

“That is extremely painful,” said Jen. “And what’s worse for poor Doug, it’s even more painful to get it back down.”

Doug’s eyes widened. His mom has been feeling his pelvis and thought she found a bump that must be his nut. She pushed down, HARD.

Doug screamed at the top of his lungs for what felt like an eternity. He just wanted to die. Finally, Jen felt the stuck nut move downwards. She felt into his sac, and there it was. She felt to see if the spermatic cord seemed twisted, which could lead to his testicle dying in only minutes. It felt ok. She wasn’t 100% sure but shrugged, well she guessed they would find out.

“All right girls, back in line.”

“No!!” Doug yelled. He couldn’t believe they were continuing.

One by one, Doug took the most agonizing kicks of his life on his already battered balls. There was a pair of Mary Janes, clogs, high heel pumps, ug boots, sandals, flats, and the worst, steel toed dockers.

The girls all ate pizza and chatted while Doug continued rolling in pain from all his kicks.

“Well, it seems your balls survived another day, brother” said Sarah.

“It’s a Christmas miracle.” She laughed. He kept crying.