Egg Breakers (Chapter 36)

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Chapter 36

I woke up with a kick to my head.

“I can’t believe your mom actually made him swallow all that popcorn!”

Lizzie laughed. “Did you see his face when she took off her second sock too?”

“I didn’t know eyes could get that big.” I groaned as two hard boots dug into my chest. “So, what’s for breakfast?”

“Joshy Woshy usually has eggs.”

“He still has them after getting them broken all the time?”

Lizzie giggled as she opened and closed cabinets. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Hey!” The boots dug into me some more. “Eggs this morning?”

I yelped when a heel pressed between my legs.

Both of them giggled. “Yep, still there.”

I whipped the sleeping bag off my head and tried wriggling out from under Coach Baker’s feet. She didn’t budge, just dug in harder.

“Good morning, sleepy. What do you want for breakfast?”

“Peace and quiet.” My groin still ached like nobody’s business, and my head was pounding. I grunted and stuffed my pillow over my head.

Lizzie’s feet rested right on it. “He thinks your feet smell, he’s trying to use his gas mask.”

The boots prodded my ribs again. “But it’s not even bad, my shoes are still on. And I didn’t even go out for my daily run yet. Did you want me to step on popcorn for you?”

Lizzie wiggled her toes as they both cracked up. “I think Joshy Woshy’s had too much popcorn. Yesterday was mom’s, and the night before was his first date at the movies!”

“First date? Was it anybody I—”

“Good morning, everyone!” Mom’s footsteps headed for the fridge. “Were you two waiting for me?”

“Thanks for letting me sleep in Josh’s bed last night.”

Lizzie pressed on the pillow. “No problem, he was too hurt to head upstairs anyway after you practically broke his cup in two.”

“Two cups of orange juice?” Mom placed glasses on the table. “Where’s Joshy Woshy? Does he want one too?”

I groaned as Lizzie wiggled her toes.

“Okay, tiny cup coming right up!” Mom giggled. “So, is everyone having bacon and eggs? Or are we having popcorn this morning?”

Coach Baker dug her heel into my ribs, causing me to groan.

“Sounded like he wants Round 2!” Everyone burst into laughter at mom’s comment. “But I’m not even wearing socks. Lizzie, can you get the mail for me?”

“Keep his gas mask on,” Lizzie said as her feet lifted off.

Mom’s feet plopped right on, pressing in hard. “He probably doesn’t want to smell my feet today. They smell like popcorn, and not the good kind!”

All four feet vibrated from laughter. I groaned, trying to turn my head to the side, only to have mom press down harder.

“I’m serious, you don’t want to smell these!”

“He wants to eat them instead!”

Mom laughed as she dug her toes below the pillow. “Open wide, honey!”

“That’s disgusting, mom!” The entire pillow started smelling like stale popcorn covered in old bacon. I jerked my head away, digging my nose deep into my gas mask, trying to get rid of the stench.

She only giggled and wiggled her toes. “So, did Lizzie tell you about our little weekend vacation?”

“Up north?” Coach Baker asked.

“We’ve never gone anywhere together. We always have to bring Josh or my husband. It’s going to be so much fun being just the two of us!”

Coach Baker’s toe pressed my crotch. “Joshy’s going to be alone? Need me to check in on him?”

“That would be great.” There was some jingling. “This is the spare key to the back door, just let yourself in.”

The door closed, and as soon as two feet left, two feet returned.

“Thanks for holding his gas mask in place,” Lizzie said, “Joshy Woshy appreciates it!”

I could hear mom start cooking food as I groaned again.

“So,” Coach Baker said, “is this a typical morning in this house?”

“Usually I cook eggs. But ever since I started using this bacon lotion—”

“Joshy Woshy can’t get enough!” Lizzie’s feet shifted as everyone cracked up.

“Does he eat bacon off your feet too?” Coach Baker asked through giggles.

Lizzie flattened my nose through the pillow. “Actually, mom’s been warning him for a long time what would happen if he ate in there.”

Mom giggled. “He didn’t like my southern accent, and he threw that popcorn right at me! He was practically asking to be eating it!”

Lizzie kicked my head. “Why didn’t you like mom’s accent?”

“I thought it was perfect.” Coach Baker pressed my ribs hard. “It fit with the outfit perfect—”

The air cracked. “Ya’ll mean this honkin’ thang?”

“Did you sleep with that?” Lizzie asked.

“Of course I did!” Mom placed a couple plates on the table. “What if I needed to come down and check on Joshy Woshy in the middle of the night? What if he didn’t brush his teeth before bed?”

“Should’ve whipped him anyway!” Lizzie chuckled as she slapped her heel on my chest a few times. “It might work even better than my whistle!”

Mom cracked her whip. “Everyone get to their seats!”

Chairs scraped along the floor as plates and glasses shifted. I started crawling out of my cocoon and lift the pillow off, but two feet slammed it back on my face.

“Good!” Mom wiggled her toes. “And Joshy probably won’t be joining us, it seems like he’ll just be smelling the bacon today!”

I groaned into the pillow as everyone laughed, but she only pressed down harder.

“Quiet foot-pillows can eat the leftovers. Loud ones eat off our feet!”

Lizzie and Coach Baker both jammed their feet into me as hard as they could. I bit my lip and tried using the pillow as a gag.

Coach Baker prodded her boot in my crotch. “So, how long have you two been—”

“Amazing? Since forever!” Lizzie kicked my ribs.

“No, I meant using—”

“Foot-pillows? Since forever!” Mom laughed as she pressed her toes in. “Just ask my sister.”

“Aunt Nikki is great,” Lizzie said, “you really should meet her. I think you two would get along great.”

“What does she do for a living?” Coach Baker asked.

“Besides breaking eggs?”

“Yes,” they all laughed as Coach Breaker dug her heel in hard, “besides that.”

I groaned and tried using my hands to block Coach Breaker’s boots from digging in, but it only got me a few kicks and stomps from all directions.

Mom rested her heels on my chest. “She considers herself a professional wine-drinker, but she’s actually a nurse.”

“Is that why you asked me peas or grapes yesterday?” Coach Breaker started rubbing.

My whole body started vibrating again as they all cackled.

“Did you hear that one? Grapes!” Lizzie dug her toes into my ribs.

“No wonder Aunt Nikki loved hitting Joshy Woshy’s grapes,” mom said. “Probably thought she was making wine! I should ask her next time we’re on the phone.”

I could feel myself burning, but Coach Baker kept rubbing on my—

She pressed in hard.

Mom jumped. “I think he just remembered Aunt Nikki’s knee! And he didn’t even have a hard cup that time. Or any cup at all!”

I groaned into the pillow as mom pressed down harder.

“It’s okay, sweetie. She’s nowhere here!” Mom used her heels to push the pillow away, then covered my face with her soles. “Wow, my foot-pillow is really burning up!”

I couldn’t help but sniff bacon popcorn as Coach Baker kneaded her foot.

Lizzie kicked my ribs. “He’s probably thinking about Aunt Nikki right now.”

I had to get my mind on something else.

“And the time she stepped on his face and forced him to—”

I needed to think of anything besides—

“And her disgusting sock in his b—”

I shuddered as Coach Baker’s feet completed their job.

“Wow!” Mom patted her feet on my cheeks. “I shouldn’t have given him a full whiff of bacon. He’s as hot as the sun and probably starving too.”

I let out a groan as four feet left me. Mom rested her feet on my chest, looked down at me between her legs, and pinched my cheeks.

“You did a great job being a quiet foot-pillow, so you can eat now.” Mom wiggled her toes. “And I know you love this lotion, but smelling isn’t going to make you stronger. You have to eat so you can stop losing every round. Maybe all four of us can practice after this.”

I groaned as she pressed down and tugged at her whip.

“And that’s an order!”