More Work Gold

[Joe S]

Back in November I posted a workplace conversation (you can revisit it here).

As promised, here's an update...

Yesterday (Monday) I went into work. It had been a low key weekend and the weather was quite gloomy, gray and spitting cold rain, and I really didn't feel like being at work. Only my female co-worker was there when I got it and I offered a very uninspired "good morning". She's a pretty upbeat person, so her return was much more chipper. She asked if I did anything over the weekend and I told her we didn't do much. She said her family didn't do much either. She turned back to her computer but before she resumed what she was working on she looked over at me with this devilish little grin as I sat down to log into my computer.

"Well," she said, slapping her hands on her thighs and leaning toward me, "I did take a self defense class Saturday."

I played it cool, but I won't lie, I was suddenly pretty excited inside. I cocked an eyebrow and said, "Really?"

"Yeah," she said, with more enthusiasm than I could have hoped for. "It was awesome. A lot of it was more situational awareness and understanding how to stay safe, which was cool considering the project I've been working on here." (She's been coordinating an employee safety program at our company.) She gave me a little background on the instructor and some of the awareness tips she learned, and while it was interesting and educational, it wasn't quite how I envisioned the conversation going. But then, gold mine.

As she talked, I had begun scanning my emails as I listened, so my attentions were a little divided. But then I heard her say, "But it wasn't all situational awareness. We also practiced some physical moves."

I swiveled my chair around to face her, my focus no longer divided, as she literally hopped out of her chair and stood about three feet in front of me.

"First we learned about the proper stance." She demonstrated by standing with her legs shoulder width apart and the dominant (right) leg about six inches behind the front (left) leg. "You want to put your weight on your back leg and keep one arm, your weaker one, out in front of you with the palm of your hand facing out and left open. Keep the stronger arm bent at the elbow with the hand open about shoulder high so that you're ready to strike. This position says you're ready for confrontation but don't actually want to engage." At this point she closed her fingers into fists. "This says you want to engage." She threw a quick jab my direction and then got back into the non-confrontational position.

"From here, if someone comes at you, you can strike them in the nose like so." She threw forward her dominant hand and then put it to her own little nose to show me where to connect. "Then you drive your forearm forward and try to break the orbital bone." She tapped around her eye. "And then you drive the knee!" I'm not lying when I say she thrust her knee well above chest level and it was evident that if she'd delivered such a knee in actual aggression, her victim would have been choking on his own testicles. I had to fight hard not to get hard, reminding myself I was at work after all.

But then the best part happened. She looked me dead in the eye and smiled, quite ruefully to be honest, and said, "Then you kick." She proceeded to swing her leg forward so that the point of her periwinkle suede high heel was right at crotch level as I sat in my chair. "Right to the balls!"

I fought harder to keep the blood rushing to my member in check. I couldn't, so I crossed my legs.

She took it to mean something else and just shook her head in approval. "Yeah, smart," she kidded.

But then she went back to the whole situational awareness thing for a minute and the conversation kind of petered out when her phone rang.

Probably twenty minutes later (and this was still before our other cube mate had arrived) she looked over at me and said, "You know, I really enjoyed the feeling of hitting something. I don't know," she said, her eyes large in amazement, "but it just really energized me. I felt really good afterward."

Not really knowing how to respond, I just said, "I'm sure it's an exhilarating feeling."

"Yeah," she said quietly before turning back to her computer.

As I sat there processing, it hit me that she'd clearly been thinking about it the entire twenty minutes and that absolutely blew my mind. I couldn't wait to relate this here at KITG, but unfortunately, I didn't have time until now. But it's been fun reliving our little conversation.

Now, before anyone tells me I need to get this girl to bust me as soon as possible, please understand: I care about this person as a co-worker and friend. She is married. I wouldn't dream of doing anything to jeopardize our relationship.

That being said, it sure is nice to dream. And, of course, I will continue to relate any more relevant things that happen to come up.

[Joe S]

Quick update: Last week, I regret to say, I missed an opportunity. I was leaving work and both my cube mates were there - had it just been our Kaley twin, I might have been braver - and I made some joke about her trying to walk in the rain in that boot of hers. She immediately grabbed her umbrella, a giant golf type one, and jabbed it at my face. Though we were a few feet apart, it still came within six inches of my head. As she was jabbing I could see a visible change in her expression. She was laughing but then her eyes kind of widened very quickly and then narrowed and you could see an idea struck her. Immediately she started jabbing right at my crotch to the point where I actually jumped back a little. I could hear my male cube mate laugh as I did. I laughed, too, and then said, "Well, if that's how it's going to be, I'm out." And I left. Dammit y'all, I should have stood my ground. Who knows what might have happened. But then again, I didn't really want her to poke me in the nuts while my other cube mate was there. On the plus side, it showed that she's more into it than she's previously let on.

[Smack My Nuts]

I know you said you don't to jeopardize your relationship with her , but I really think that you should consider saying something like "After our conversation about your self defense class the other day, I was realizing that I've never actually been kicked in the nuts. Everyone says it's really painful, but I'm curious if it's as bad as they say. It seems like something that guys might be exaggerating. You sounded the other day like you wanted to try out a crotch kick for real. If you wanted to, I'd be okay with you doing it to me, but just once so I could find out how bad it is." And if she says no, no harm done. And if she says yes, she kicks you once, probably has fun doing it, doesn't find it you have a fetish, and you jerk off to the memory for years. 

[Buckled]

Good stuff Joe...love the detail 

Hope things evolve innocently for you both on this front ! 

[Joe S]

@anthony - I would be shocked if she was aware. Perhaps one day our conversation might lead to the answer, but it would have to be done very subtly.

@Jack the Lad - you're not kidding. If I didn't have our certain penchant, there's no chance in hell I would mess with her. She's very decisive and to the point with everything she does - work stuff, parenting, etc. - and I can't imagine deciding to beat someone's ass would be any different for her.

@Buckled - I can probably best describe her this way: When I ask people at the office if they know her (by name) most don't. But if I ask if they know the Kaley Cuoco doppleganger, they immediately place her. She is blonde and has Kaley's eyes, same shape and color. She has a good figure, though not Hollywood-esque since she's a mom of two and can't devote hours to working out. And even despite nursing two kids, her boobs are still quite youthful and natural. She definitely has athletic legs and a round butt (but she also played soccer for many years). She's probably about 5'4". Great smile. Horrible potty mouth which I find hilarious. Sailors would blush around her. Great sense of humor, too.

One addendum. On Tuesday, she comes in wearing a massive walking boot. Turns out she broke her ankle and has to wear the boot for 4 weeks and can't put any weight on her foot. I joked with her at lunch that it really put a damper on her blossoming MMA career aspirations. To which she replied, laughing, "No shit. Motherfuck." And that was the last of it.

[volcan51]

its actually ironic

all that friend and care about her stuff only made it more awesome if she bust you.

wont say to you to be pushy, but she is making it easy for you haha

by the way awesome writing thanks

[Buckled]

Great story and very well written too.  Thanks for sharing.  

Would have loved to hear what she looked like too.  

I have a female boss, very attractive and a super person.  

She is slim, nice figure and has blossomed into a classic beauty.  

She was a tomboy from what she tells me and grew up 

with brothers where play fights were the norm.   She'll occasionally 

break out some Chop Socky moves and once in awhile verbalise 

how she'd take down an ill-behaved male.  

I listen with keen interest of course:)

Amazing lady but professional decorum is always observed.  

[Jack the Lad]

Good lord, she's a feisty one! I wouldn't mess with her after all this, even as a joke. She both knows what she's doing and is enthusiastic about it.

But as you said, it is nice to dream...

[anthony white]

is she aware that bb is a fetish?