The Morality in Abusing a Ballbusting Fetish

[Eric]

I've been into ballbusting for as long as I can remember. Through my personal sexual maturation I was always more interested in femdom than "chasing tail" as the kids say... This posed an interesting dynamic when I entered into a vanilla relationship.

It took months before I could confess my, well, kinkier desires to my girlfriend. That was somewhat of an internal battle in itself for me; do I come clean right out of the gate and risk scaring her off with my "unique" interests, or do I work to build a foundation first and then pull the rug out from under her once she thinks she knows all about me? Anyways, this is besides the point. Once she was aware of my fetishes, the fun was free to begin. But with that fun came a hesitation and disconnect. To a sweet young vanilla, kicking a man in the balls is a wholly frowned upon, if not forbidden activity. You should never ever hit someone, especially in such an vital and vulnerable place. So how now do I convince my girl that A), it's okay to kick me there and B), the harder the better?

We've been practicing BB for a while now, she's really gotten into it. Her aim is much better, we're trying different styles, positions, and footwear, but she still hesitates to really give it to me. I do my best to convince her that it's okay to leave me on the floor in a ball, but she's just too goddamn pleasant! Haha, I understand where she's coming from, it's hard to see the ones you love in pain, no matter the context. And this is about where I had an idea I hoped would make this easier...

I figured why don't you try to just take your frustrations from everyday life, work, financial stress, etc, out on my balls. As juvenile an idea as that is (sounds like a horny 13 year olds way of getting his nuts racked...), I was honestly hoping that it would break the barrier and give her the confidence to let loose on me. But this is where the moral dilemma comes in for me: is it twisted for me to use her very real frustrations for my own sexual gain? Is it wrong to search for sexual release when I should be by her side listening and being a safe place for her? As much as I could try and convince myself that she could benefit therapeutically from taking out her anger on me, I'm still doing it for my own pleasure. I'm still taking advantage of her. 

I dunno, this is an interesting moral question for me and I'm curious as to what you all think. Sorry for rambling on for so long, just felt like sharing this and getting some more opinions on what the consensus is on abusing your fetish. If you read the whole thing, thanks for sticking around. Leave a comment.

-Eric

[Smack My Nuts]

I think it's really a matter of whether or not it's okay with her.  If she isn't comfortable letting her real-world stresses be involved in your fetishes then they shouldn't be.  If she is, then it's fine.  We're all whole people who get to choose for ourselves what parts of our worlds we wish to think about when.  So, as always, there's no harm in asking, but don't push her to do it if she doesn't feel comfortable, but that advice goes for many, many things in a relationship.

[Bblove]

I think the fact that you're even considering this is a good sign in terms of your motives and ability to recognize that you don't want to be sexually manipulative with your significant other.  One question I think you should ask yourself and perhaps your partner is whether her sexual and emotional needs are being fully satisfied in the relationship.  Recognizing a potential issue is a good start, but I have found that the best way to solve a problem is to take an opposite action.  For example if you are worried you are being selfish or manipulative, how do I not be that, can be a hard question to answer as it is very abstract, but a better and more concrete response can be to ask yourself, what is the opposite of selfish and manipulative and how do I do those things in this situation.  The opposite of selfish is generous.  So what can you do to be generous with your partner sexually, including when it comes to fulfilling your fetish.  The opposite of being manipulative is perhaps being honest and straight forward with your intentions, including when it comes to fulfilling your fetish.  So maybe don;t push her to do something she is not comfortable with, and have a conversation with her about what you want, why you want it, what her concerns and hesitations are, and is there a solution or compromise.  And again, I'd say maybe use it as an opportunity to also talk about her sexual needs (and emotional since you brought up the point of being there in a healthy way with regard to her daily frustrations instead of capitalizing on them to get off), and to ensure her needs are being met in this regard.  Fetishes are strong and curious things, and ballbusting is no different, I'd suggest not letting it take up too much space in your head or life at the expense of other more universally important things, like being a good partner and having a fulfilling relationship.