Best Ballbusting Literature

[Anthony]

Created this thread so we can share some of our favorite ballbusting literature. I myself love reading women share their views on the vulnerability of testicles. It really ties into what the fetish is all about for me. I’ll start it off with a great piece by Lisa Wade:

WHY DON'T MORE MEN HIT EACH OTHER BELOW THE BELT?

In Greco-Roman wrestling, boxing, and mixed martial arts, there is a rule that you never hit “below the belt.” The area of biggest concern is the testicles. As the Ultimate Fighting Championship rules specify, “groin attacks of any kind” are a foul. This is probably because groin attacks might make for short fights or ones where everyone just goes around protecting their balls. In any case, the skills being tested are of a different kind. But, even aside from that, this seems like a good idea and very civilized. I do not advocate for testicle kicking, not groin attacks of any kind, for what it’s worth.

I do think it’s somewhat odd, though, that men who fight each other outside of controlled conditions—men in street fights, bar brawls, and parking lot scuffles—also usually avoid hitting below the belt. These fights aren’t about training or skill, like those between professional athletes, they’re real attempts to do some damage out of anger or defensiveness. So, why no hits to the balls?

The question was posed by a woman on Yahoo! Answers: “If you dislike each other enough to want them to get hurt,” she asked, “why not do the worst?”

The answers, admittedly unscientific, were interesting. One of the common responses involved the idea that not hitting below the belt was “an unspoken rule.” Maybe it’s the Golden Rule—do onto others as you would have them do unto you—and some men mentioned that, but others suggested that it was a rule specific to manhood. It’s a “cheap shot,” said one. A “low blow,” said another.

But why? Why do men agree not to kick each other in the balls? Why is that part of the code?

I think it’s because it serves to protect men’s egos as well as men’s balls.

What would street fights between guys look like—or professional fights for that matter—if one could go below the belt? For one, there’d be a lot more collapsing. Two, a lot more writhing in pain. Three, a lot less getting up. All in all, it would add up to less time looking powerful and more time looking pitiful. And it would send a clear message that men’s bodies are vulnerable.

Not hitting below the belt, then, protects the idea that men’s bodies are fighting machines. It protects masculinity, the very idea that men are big and strong, pain- and impact-resistant, impenetrable like an edifice. So not hitting below the belt doesn’t just protect individual men from pain, it protects our ideas about masculinity.

When a man hits below the belt, he is revealing to everyone present that masculinity is a fiction. That’s why one guy said: “For ‘alpha male’ fights, nut shots are just wrong.” Alpha male fights are about figuring out which male is alpha, while preserving the idea that the alpha male is a thing that matters.

This is why men are quick to criticize other men who break the code. One of the best ways to control men is to threaten to kick them out of the man club. “If a guy kicks another guy in the balls on purpose during a fight,” one replied to the question on Yahoo, “he will forever be banished from manhood.” Another said: “Winning like this means that you cannot beat up the other guy by ‘real’ fighting.” It’s a matter of one’s own reputation: “A man who kicks another man in the balls,” said a third, “immediately loses all manliness and respect.”

So, men generally agree to pretend that the balls just aren’t there. The effect is that we tend to forget just how vulnerable men are to the right attack and continue to think of women as naturally more fragile.

I still don’t want anyone to get kicked in the balls, though, just to be clear

[Anthony]

And you're not limited to just the knee or the top of the foot—there are plenty of other ways to kick a guy in the balls. If he's standing and you're lying down, you can drive your heel upward. His legs form a convenient runway that will guide your foot right to the target. In closer quarters, hand attacks work very well against the groin. Again, you want to strike upward if possible, and target the testicles, not the penis: Skip the grip; attack the sack.

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As you can see here, punching straight, as Keith Hackney is doing to Joe Son, in may not be as effective.

Luckily, it's quite rare to be assaulted by someone wearing a cup.

Honestly, there's almost no bad way to kick an attacker in the balls. Foot, knee, hand; front, bottom, or in the library with a candlestick—the balls are vulnerable to just about anything you throw at them. (Oh, right: you can also throw things at them). And if by chance your first strike doesn't put your attacker on the ground, you're free to kick him again. Why not? If he's still there, his balls aren't going anywhere. Or you can diversify by striking other soft body parts like the eye or the throat, if you prefer.

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Anything you like, until you've done enough damage to escape to safety.

Step Four: Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't have kicked the guy in the balls.

I spend a fair amount of time teaching women to kick men in the balls, and I've learned that this activity tends to generate controversy. Here, according to actual adults who have actually said these things to me, are some reasons you should not kick a guy in the balls:

1. It will make him angry.

I should hope so. I'm not sending him a friend request. If I kick him hard enough, there's a good chance I'll render him unable to act upon his anger. That's my goal. His feelings are his problem.

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2. It will make him hurt you worse.

Statistics say otherwise. And anyway, he's already demonstrated his desire to hurt me. Why should I give him carte blanche to decide how much he's going to hurt me? I'd rather be an active participant in that decision-making process.

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3. Groin kicks aren't really that devastating; I've seen lots of guys get hit in the balls and it hardly fazed them.

This response (almost universally from men) is so common I've come to think of it as "groinsplaining"—you can see it many of the YouTube comments in the videos linked above. These people rarely volunteer to demonstrate their own iron balls in a real kicking situation, but they confidently assert that men in general can shrug off all kinds of damage to the groin. All I can say is, I've seen two-year-olds take down grown men via the groin, and toddlers don't even have any training. I do. I like my odds.

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4. We shouldn't be teaching people how to kick men in the balls; we should be teaching men not to do anything that would make us have to kick them in the balls.

Hey, that's a great idea! Do you have a detailed, research-based plan for teaching all men everywhere to behave themselves all the time? And do you have funding for your efforts, and buy-in from politicians and community leaders, and a network of trained, experienced instructors who can effect this change? If not, better get started on your grant proposal. In the meantime, I'll just be over here teaching people how to kick guys in the balls. That's what I do.

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5. Telling people they should kick an assailant in the balls is the same as telling victims who didn't kick their assailant in the balls that they did something wrong.

No, it isn't. It's a practical way to reduce the number of future victims by giving them more viable options to disrupt and survive an assault.

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Fact: We have the power to damage the bodies of men who try to hurt us. You're saying we shouldn't let people use that power. I'm offering people more choices; you're trying to take them away.

6. Kicking a guy in the balls just makes the world a more violent place.

Maybe, in the short term. But if it stops him from killing someone, or putting them in the hospital, isn't that a net win for non-violence? The Dalai Lama thinks so.

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One in four women will have good reason to kick a guy in the balls at some point in her life. Luckily, it's not rocket science. Anyone can do it! And ball-kicking's efficacy is beyond dispute, as the men of MMA so nobly helped us illustrate here. Gentlemen, if any of you are reading this, and conscious: Cheers, and get well soon (the non-wife-beaters among you, anyway).

[Anthony]

How to Kick a Guy in the Balls: An Illustrated Guide

by Susan Schorn 

The groin shot: an attack so devastating that men have banned it from virtually every contact sport they engage in. Let's learn how to do it.

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These days, only Muay Thai fighters strike to the groin—and they only do it in Thailand, where they wear groin protection made from fucking steel. But even armor plating isn't enough for western sportsmen; in addition to groin protection devices, they shield their balls with every rule, regulation, law, and covenant they can think of. The Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts, for example, list 31 official fouls, with myriad subtle variations on things like kidney strikes (only a foul if you kick with your heel) and elbows (disallowed if striking downward; OK in other directions). And then there's Item vii: "Groin attacks of any kind."

It's as if the mere idea of groin attacks disturbs the rule-makers so much they're incapable of describing them in any detail. "It's just too awful!" I imagine them wailing, fanning themselves with their copies of Chael Sonnen's autobiography. "Just make it all go away!"

And if the unthinkable does happen? According to MMA rules, "a fighter who has been struck with a low blow is allowed up to five minutes to recover from the foul as long as in the ringside doctor's opinion the fighter may possibly continue on in the contest." In case you didn't know, rounds in a UFC fight last for five minutes. So fighters who take a shot to the groin have as much as an entire round to recover from it. This strikes me as oddly dainty for a sport that allows you to legally knee your opponent in the face.

Even outside the rules of sport, in the world of parking lot brawls and bar fights, groin shots are taboo. They're considered "low," and "cheap," and "unsportsmanlike." To attack a man's testicles is to attack his identity, his virility. It also, so the rumor goes, hurts like holy hell.

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All of this—the element of surprise, the psychological impact, the pain—make the groin a truly magnificent target in self defense situations. And yet we're all, men and women alike, conditioned by society to bypass the groin as a target, to pretend it isn't there, just as we're taught to pretend that rude bodily noises are never audible at important social functions. This makes me sad. Kicking a guy in the balls, while not guaranteed to incapacitate him (nothing's guaranteed in life), is definitely one of your better options in a serious physical assault—and I say that not only as a self defense instructor, but also as a certified Emergency Medical Technician. In terms of trauma, you get a lot of bang for your buck when you attack the groin.

So let's demystify this forbidden technique. Here's how (and why) you should kick a guy in the balls.

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Step One: Have a good reason for kicking the guy in the balls.

The self defense model I teach from frames physical response to violence within the Ethic of Least Harm. Kicking a guy in the balls, as we're about to see, can cause a lot of damage. So you should probably reserve this technique for situations where your life or bodily autonomy are in immediate danger.

An interesting wrinkle for women is that such circumstances are statistically much more likely to involve someone we know, rather than a stranger. If you happen to know any MMA fighters, your risk may be even higher, because the sport, notwithstanding its queasiness about groin shots, has seen some horrific cases of domestic abuse. Take the former Ultimate Fighting Championship and Bellator fighter known as War Machine (née Jon Koppenhaver), who is currently facing 32 felony charges including sexual assault, strangulation, kidnapping, and attempted murder (two counts), for beating his ex-girlfriend Christy Mack until she required surgery. I think most reasonable people would agree that Koppenhaver, who has a history of attacking his girlfriends, is a guy who deserves to be kicked in the balls. (Though it's probably unnecessary at the moment, since he's in jail in Nevada.)

There's also Thiago Silva, who was cut, then reinstated, then cut again by the UFC after allegedly sticking a gun in his wife's mouth. UFC President Dana White initially took Silva back into the fold because "he was acquitted of all charges," which turned out not to be true; the charges against Silva were dropped when his wife, in quite understandable fear for her life, fled the country.

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Personally, I feel that anyone who would stick a gun in a woman's mouth deserves to have his balls kicked, viciously and repeatedly. If you disagree, you probably deserve the same treatment.

By this simple litmus test of "Does he try to kill women?" lots of MMA fighters deserve to be kicked in the balls. Josh Grispi gave his wife a broken wrist and a concussion, and had his pit bull attack her. Will Chope slammed his ex-wide's head against the ground and attacked her with a knife. Other professional sports have theirdomestic violence issues, of course. MMA is hardly unique among pro sports for tolerating domestic violence while having the collective vapors over the very thought of groin shots. But the double standard is a bit more glaring with mixed martial arts because the sport, facing a shrinking viewership, is actively seeking to build its female fan base.

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Well, as a fan of combat sports, I'm here to help them. I've illustrated this guide to kicking a guy in the balls with instructive video clips compiled from MMA fights. Many of them feature slow-motion replays of the ball-kicking. Ladies, sit back and enjoy yourselves.

Step Two: Understand the consequences.

There are worse things that can happen to a man than getting kicked in the balls. From a medical standpoint, being kicked in the balls certainly beats a gunshot wound to the chest. It's less dangerous than a spinal fracture. Definitely preferable to a depressed skull fracture. A blow to the balls can cause a lot of problems, but it's eminently survivable, especially if it's inflicted by another human. The really bad genital injuries—avulsions and amputations and de-gloving (don't Google that unless you have a strong stomach) are usually caused by machinery, not by people defending themselves.

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So, in a way, attacking the groin is a compassionate response to a guy who's trying to kill you. Still, my EMT textbook notes that while injuries to the genitalia are "rarely life threatening," they are "typically extremely painful and could be quite embarrassing for the patient."

That's true for men and women; women have a lot of nerve endings in the groin, too. However, "injuries to the male genitalia," the EMT text goes on, choosing its words carefully, "usually produce excruciating pain and cause great concern to the patient."

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That's probably an understatement. A good kick to the balls doesn't just hurt the balls. Upon impact, the spermatic plexus, a major nerve running through the testicles, carries the pain upward to the abdominal cavity, which is why victims of groin kicks often double over and assume a fetal position. They may also throw up or pass out. Crying is not unheard of.

Here, for instance, is a six-minute, 15-second video of a guy getting kicked in the balls. The kick comes at :03. The next 6:12 is the recovery. He doesn't even stand up until well past the four-minute mark.

Now, this is a terrible thing to happen in a sporting event. But it would be a great thing to happen in countering an assault. Think how far away you could be by the time your attacker was back on his feet. You'd have time to hail a cab, probably.

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Here's a clip where the kick (from Adam Glenn) comes about 10 seconds in. Seventy seconds later, the victim, Tyler Baltz, still looks like he needs oxygen. Or smelling salts.

It's a bad day, all around, for a guy who gets kicked in the balls.

The particulars of the damage are even less appealing. Blunt trauma can cause testicular torsion, where the spermatic cord becomes twisted and blood supply to the testicle is cut off. This quickly results in ischemia or testicular infarction and tissue death—an extremely dangerous condition if left untreated. Testicular rupture is also a possibility, accompanied by hemorrhage or scrotal hematoma. (Fun fact: the Wikipedia page for Testicular Rupture is currently a "stub." No one wants to write about the topic, I guess.)

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Less common, but more impressive, is testicular dislocation. It turns out those little buggers can be popped right up into the abdominal cavity if you hit them hard enough (though this particular outcome is more common from motorcycle crashes than one-on-one combat). And then there's a grab bag of other possibilities, like a lacerated urethra, or a penile fracture, when the tunica albuginea tears or ruptures, resulting in severe pain hematoma, and edema.

Here's another interesting outcome: Watch heavyweight Bellator fighter Eric Prindle axe-kick Thiago Santos in the groin. The kick comes at 0:18 seconds. The rest of the video is Santos writhing on the mat. Turns out Prindle's kick broke his pubic bone.

Pretty ugly, isn't it? It makes me glad I'm a girl, frankly. I've spent 15 years training in karate, an art developed primarily by men and therefore obsessively concerned with protecting the testicles, so in some ways I feel like I have an honorary groin; I'm so accustomed to covering it every time I begin or end a drill. It's a huge responsibility, and I'm thankful I don't carry that burden in real life. I don't think I'd cope well with the stress.

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Not that I feel sorry for men. It's more than a fair trade, running the world, even if you have to keep one hand over your crotch at all times. But I do feel a weird sort of sympathy for the be-testicled. Such important parts of your anatomy, and you have to tie them up in a little purse before you can even pretend to fight. What a drag.

Except there's this: some 20 to 50 percent of female sexual assault victims suffer genital injuries. Often they have internal trauma, bleeding, pelvic fractures and urethral damage—injuries that can be deadly if not recognized and treated.

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I believe that everyone's body deserves respect. And I also believe in consequences. Imagine if 20 to 50 percent of male sexual assailants suffered genital injury. Isn't it possible that fewer men would be willing to commit assault?

I wonder how we could find out?

Step Three: Identify the target and choose your attack.

Simply put, we're talking about penis versus testicles. In a self defense situation, you should feel free to attack any target that's available, but keep in mind that some targets yield better results than others. If you have a choice, you want to go for the testicles. Kicking the penis isn't bad, necessarily; you can still do damage and it'll usually shake a guy up. It might even drop him, as Georges St-Pierre's kick does to Matt Hughes here.

But the balls? Cha-ching. A direct hit there is every bit as devastating as the MMA rules would lead you to believe. Take a look at this fight, where Alessio Sakar takes an instep kick to the groin from Ron Faircloth, and manages to land one more punch before going down like a tree. We then witness about 40 seconds of him rolling around on the mat, gasping in convulsive agony.

You can also strike the groin with your knee. The optimal angle is upward, rather than straight in, striking the balls from below and driving them up. As you can see from this brief clip of Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipović receiving the knee, the strike works best when the target already has one leg up, exposing the testicles.

Whether you kick with your knee or your foot, you want to follow through. Don't just tap. This isn't a warning signal; it's the full freight train. In most cases, the guy whose balls have been kicked reacts pretty much the same: A look of disbelief (sometimes there is a poignant moment of eye contact with their opponent, as if they are saying, "Dude, how could you?"), doubling over, hitting the mat, and then a prolonged period of existential crisis and convulsion. Vomiting is optional. Here's Wanderlei Silva nailing Rich Franklin.

And:

Here, Yoshiyuki Yoshida, after catching one from Dan Hardy, is quickly carted off on a stretcher.

[Anthony]

“If Men Got Thwopped” - excerpt from Ellen Snortland’s Beauty Bites Beast:

There is no word in the English language that means “a hit or kick to the groin.” For the sake of this conversation, I’ll coin a word for it. “Thwop” is good. It sounds like a good solid hit to soft tissue, and it’s a terrific opportunity to use onomatopoeia in real life.

Let’s play “switcheroo” for a while, shall we?

What would happen if a young man with a muscular body, skimpy t-shirt and tight jeans scratched his nether parts, muttered, “Nice tits” and a young woman saw and heard him. Let’s say her reaction was to walk over to him and thwop him? Could she say, “He was asking for it?”

Or let’s say that a sorority had over the years developed a tradition of getting a freshman boy sloppy drunk and taking turns thwopping him in a dark room. Could he prove who thwopped him? Why was he there in the first place? Why was he drinking with a lot of young women around?

Could he, in fact, prove that he had been thwopped? Perhaps he had fallen on a bicycle as he rode over a speed bump? Why wasn’t he wearing a strap or cup? We shouldn’t jump to conclusions and ruin young women’s careers over the word of a slutty jock. And you know how them males really are, “They all want it, really. Otherwise, why would they act the way they do?” We heard that some freshman boy had yelled, “Thwop!” in high school and gotten the Homecoming Queen unfairly suspended.

Or what would the Senate do if they heard testimony that 78 men are thwopped per hour every day, without fail, in this country? That 84 percent of those thwops go unreported because the victim is too ashamed to tell anyone?

We’ve been trying to educate men to not be ashamed of thwop and to report it, but it’s difficult. Thwop victims feel humiliated and are afraid of being made fun of, or of feeling like they could have prevented it.

Thwop prevention has to start in grade school. Little girls have to be taught that it’s not OK to hurt little boys even though the boys give ambiguous messages. You know how boys are. They wear tight pants, loose pants, no shirts, loose shorts, bathing trunks, clothes in general because they want to be attractive. But they don’t want to be kicked, even though they act like they’d like to be kicked. Some males actually do fantasize about being thwopped but you’ve got to be gentle in fantasy thwopping. But if you get too rough, that’s OK, because they really want it.

Imagine the headline, “Palm Beach Florida Man Charges Woman With Date Thwop.” Date or acquaintance thwopping is on the rise but it’s very difficult to prove. Some guys are interested in making out, some get into petting, but when it comes to “going all the way,” well, they’d like to stop but once a woman gets too worked up she just can’t be held accountable for what happens next. Thwop.

Some states don’t recognize marital thwop. Some women feel that if they’ve married someone they should be able to have sex any time or just force their husband when he’s holding back. Thwop.

Gang thwop is probably the most horrible of crimes and is on the rise because of various societal factors. When the economy gets bad, men tend to become scapegoats, and the incidents of sexual violence against them goes up, including multiple thwops. Sloppy, thwoppy seconds are a real turn-on in a female-bonding ritual sense.

We must be wary of false accusations of thwop. You know, these guys, they think they can get some attention and get a woman in trouble just because the date went badly. Or just because the sex that night wasn’t good, he yells “Thwop.” What’s a gal going to do with these wily boys? You know, these guys really do deserve whatever they get; and, besides, they really do want it.

Don’t despair though because there’s some good work being done. There are thwop crisis hot-lines where recovering thwop victims can counsel those who’ve been thwopped. It’s important that those who’ve been thwopped have someone to share with, talk about their concerns of impotence, infertility, attractiveness after thwop. Unfortunately, funding thwop hot-lines is difficult because it’s not perceived as being as important as other philanthwopic concerns.

It’s truly a shame that most of the men who have been thwopped find it hard to trust women again. Every female becomes a potential thwoppist in his eyes and the thwop survivor unconsciously bends forward and covers his crotch whenever a woman makes an unpredictable move. It’s hell going through life mistrusting 50 percent of the population and involuntarily bowing before them even though you don’t even like them.

Fortunately, with gentleness and understanding, the women who relate to thwop victims can eventually regain their confidence. Tragically, there’s no guarantee that he may not be thwopped again because as we all know, “It’s a jungle out there” — one wrong move and you can be thwopped.

Experts recommend many solutions: that men restrict their clothing to modest styles and incorporate thick padding in the crotch; stay indoors at night and make sure they don’t send double messages to women; that men should stay attractive, (although that makes some women want to kick them) but not too attractive (which makes other women want to kick them).

Men should also become highly sensitive to what women are thinking and doing and then be responsible for whatever consequences there are. The latter is the best approach because that way women won’t have to change, which makes it easier on everyone. It’s also advised that if a man is being thwopped, he not fight back because that just might make the thwoppist angrier. Who knows? She might kick him in the head and kill him. If he’s getting thwopped, a man might as well relax and enjoy it. Better thwopped than dead.

OK, OK, I’ve made my point. I’m not suggesting that women begin thwopping and pillaging. I’m not advocating squads of gonad-kicking bitches from hell or wanton soprano-makers.

I am suggesting that we tell the good men to get the clueless men clued in now — and let the “bad” beware. Criminally assaultive behavior will be dealt a hard thwop by trained women who are taking their safety into their own hands — and feet. Maybe if more first-time rapists were greeted with a sound thwop, there would be no second or third or twelfth time.

[Anthony]

Miss Eliza Leslie’s Hookup Handbook for Ladies

Martha McCaughey

Ladies have both a body and a mind. At times the indiscrete, sweating, aging, and sagging former seems to hold the latter hostage. And yet, on a nice sunny day when one is feeling good, one hardly feels challenged by her embodiment and a lady might find herself seeking the affections of a gentleman. Indeed, the practice of hooking up at parties or at the prompt of a text message is now universal.

A lady must therefore know how to proceed when under the sweet liberty of the primal pleasures of the body, especially because not all gentlemen will comport themselves with the propriety a well-mannered deportment demands.

Indeed, some gentlemen will make impertinent carnal requests—nay, demands—insisting that they are subject to an infirmity of the sort that prevents them from having a rational command over their bodies. A lady need not bear this malady on his behalf. For this man, regardless of fame or fortune or position on the football team, is a blockhead and you may simply explain that you will not engage in this behavior and expect him to stop. Indeed, a lady ought to shout “STOP” as loudly as she likes to emphasize that her desire had been a product of his illusions.

However, ladies should note that only some gentlemen will atone for their offense at this point, while others will stubbornly persist in their attempt for carnal knowledge of her.

When in the company of such affronting men the usual rules of propriety and feminine manners must be dropped and a lady should not hesitate to visit on the gentleman a violent change of fortune.

For example, a lady should know that the testicles of the gentleman (and it should be noted that once the aforementioned gentleman has proceeded beyond a “stop”, we are using the word “gentleman” with a deliberate sense of irony) house a significant number of sensory nerve endings, and lack the protection of bone, muscle, and fat.  Therefore, a lady should know that a squeeze, twist, pull or slap to this area of the body, which the Creator has so conveniently located outside the body, effectively communicates the “STOP” which the gentleman may have had the arrogance or entitlement to ignore.  In fact, it seems likely that their location outside of the body is designed to serve just this purpose – the conveniently located reminder – nay, warning – to gentlemen that “STOP” means “STOP”, and that “NO” means “NO”.   Therefore, far from needing to worry about importuning this gentleman, a lady demonstrates her reverence for herself when she engages in this vehement, but necessary, rebuff.

Upon such action, the gentleman in question will likely drop to his knees; tears are likely to form in his eyes, and his skin may change in color in alarming ways.  The gentleman may even find himself unable to move for some time without regurgitating the contents of his stomach.  A lady need not concern herself with any of these responses, nor should she remain in the situation to observe or assess the situation at hand.  A lady has better things to do than to dally with gentlemen of this ilk, and should ring 9-1-1 straight away.

[Anthony]

I’ve also included the follow-up piece from Dr. Wade, love her writing on this topic!

In 2015 I wrote an essay in which I speculated about why we don’t see men kicking each other in the balls more often. We leave no stone unturned here at SocImages, folks.

I argued that men don’t kick each other in the balls because it would reveal to everyone an inherent and undeniable biological weakness in every man, not just the man getting kicked.  In other words, it’s a secret pact to protect the myth of masculine superiority.

I expected a reaction, but I was genuinely surprised at what transpired. In public — in the comments — men debated strategy, arguing that men don’t kick each other in the balls because it’s actually a difficult blow to land or would escalate the fight. But in private — in my email inbox — men sent me hushed messages of you-are-so-right-though.

This is interesting because people rarely bother to go to the trouble of googling me, finding my email address, and writing me a note. The comments thread is right there and there’s a link to my twitter account at the end of the post. Most people criticize or compliment me publicly. Moreover, the emails have never stopped coming. I get one now every couple months — almost two years later — which I think means that ball kicking is something men (and it’s always men) are quietly seeking information about. And the post I wrote continues to strike a chord.

So, what do they say in private to me?

The one I received today was characteristic and the guy who wrote it gave me permission to share some of it. I’ll call him “Guy.”

First, Guy agreed that the vulnerability of having testicles is distressing to him specifically because he has been taught that boys and men are supposed to be stronger than girls and women.

Boys usually think of themselves as being tough and we want to be tough and tougher than girls especially. The idea that a girl could hurt a big strong boy like me is ridiculous right. But then I got older and learned about testicles and that girls didnt have them and i was embarrassed that I had a weak spot and they didn’t.

Second, he acknowledged that knowing that other people know about this vulnerability adds to the stress of having it.

I always hate in movies when a guy gets hit in the balls and drops especially if a woman did the kicking and if I am watching it with women. I don’t want anyone to know I have a weak spot or to acknowledge it. I still try to workout and be big and strong but I always feel vulnerable down there. My older sister and i used to play fight and i started getting bigger than her and winning. Then one time she faked a kick to my groin and i jumped back and covered myself. She had this self satisfied smurk on her face like ya dont mess with me and i never did again.

This vulnerability, Guy emphasizes, isn’t just a trivial thing; it’s everything. It affects how he feels about his whole body (“your only as strong as your weakest link”) and it’s psychologically consuming (“I hate knowing this”).

Your only as strong as your weakest link and guys have the weakest link on the body. I hate knowing this and I’m afraid women realize this and I think alot of guys feel the same even if they dont admit it.

“They dont admit it,” Guy writes, which means it’s a secret shame. And, like many of the men who’ve emailed me, he thanks me for putting it out there in public and says that it’s a relief to actually talk about it.

Anyway I think you really hit a nerve with this article and I think its kinda therapeutic to talk about it cause I usually keep it to myself. Keep up the good work and Take Care!

I think this is amazing.

I’m touched, first of all, by the emotional vulnerability that Guy and the other (mostly young) men who’ve emailed me have shown. Behind all of the pretending like they’re a “big strong boy,” these guys are nervous, worried that their front is going to be exposed and everyone is going to see them as a fraud and a failure. Not a Real Man at all.

In fact, they know that everyone already sees them that way. The sister’s smirk tells Guy, in no uncertain terms, that his front is transparent. “I won’t expose you,” it says. “Not today. But I can and we both know it.” No matter how hard he tries — no matter how big his biceps or bank account, no matter how corner his office is or how hot his wife — he’s got those goddamn testicles and they’re right there.

Guy explains that it makes him want to compensate. He works out to be “big and strong.” But it’ll never be enough. He says, “I always feel vulnerable down there.” He feels vulnerable anyway. There’s really nothing he can do.

This is telling us something profound about what it feels like to be a man in America today. Told to live up to an impossible standard of invulnerability; they inevitably feel like failures. Told specifically to be more invulnerable than (and not vulnerable to) women, by biological accident, they’re not. What a cruel twist of the testicles. It hurts.

And I wonder how much of what men do in their lives is a response to this psychic injury. How many of Donald Trump’s shenanigans, for example, have to do with the fact that he knows, and he knows that everyone knows, that someone could just drop him with a kick to the balls at any time? It sounds absurd to blame the risk of nuclear war on Trump’s testicles, but these young men are telling me that, right around puberty — as they are graduating from boys to men, doubling down on their difference from girls and women, and being told that to earn others’ esteem they have to be bigger and stronger — they have a disturbing revelation that compels them to embark on a lifetime of proving they’re not weak.

Until we all agree to let men be human, they’re going to keep living lives of quiet desperation. And the rest of us have to keep fearing what they will do to avoid being exposed.