Back on the dating scene

[Knave!]

Well it's been awhile since I broke up and I'm feeling ready to start seeing someone again. At the behest of my brother, I've joined OkCupid. It's free, so what do I have to lose except time, right?
I've already hit what I assume is the first of many snags. I don't want kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I might change my mind if I meet the absolute perfect girl with whom I want nothing more than to breed. To date, I have never met such a person. It's a little ironic because everyone who knows me tells me I'd be the best father ever. That's all well and good but I don't want to be responsible for the health and happiness of another living thing. Heck, I don't even own plants. So I'm pretty sure that's hurting my chances of meeting anyone since every girl on the face of the planet save a few to whom I am not attracted, wants to have like, 86 kids. Either that or they already some and still want more. Criminey!
The second little kink in the fabric is this whole ballbusting/sock fetish thing I have going on. My last girlfriend felt threatened and intimidated by my kinks, which was a totally new experience to me. I'd really only ever had positive experiences with girls and at least one of my fetishes, sometimes both. Anyway, that whole thing now has me feeling extremely cautious about broaching the subject with potential girls, for fear of scaring them away. I mean, I do know that me being a producer of pornographic illustrations, comics and videos isn't exactly normal but up until my last relationship I actually thought they were good things. Now I know not everyone agrees.
I know what you're saying; "But Knave, if a girl doesn't like what you do, then she's not the girl for you. Plain and simple." Yeah, I guess. Still, I think I shouldn't be as obvious about my kinks until I have a better idea of the person with whom I'm conversing. I used to open up pretty quickly because I felt invincible. Now I've got some chinks in my armor so I think I may be a little more timid.
Somewhere out there I know there's someone that resembles my perfect girl. I don't believe in fate or destiny and I don't think there's "the one" for anybody. I do however thing that somewhere there is a girl that shares my interests, both kinky and non, that I would find attractive and vice-versa. The search begins anew.

[Jennie]

There are lots of very kinky girls out there, believe me. Try picking up a girl in a bare bar where the girls don't wear much. 

[Lexeme]

Hey knave, I wonder about that too sometimes. I really think the right person is out there.. one's just gotta keep at it! (And I'm saying this while actually in a funk that's lasted nearly a year.. since my last relationship and getting seriously ill for over 6 months knocked me out of the dating scene) If it's any consolation (it probably isnt lol) internet dating is brutal in general. About like 5 or 6 of my friends in my area are on OKCupid and they all have had mixed experiences with it, unrequited love, or gotten laid for a night or two then been told 'well i don't really want a relationship'. So your experience is actually quite.. normal, and I'm not belittling how disappointing that must feel by any means. :-/
I think I'm just going to try every avenue.. fetlife.. hit up the local munches and fetish scene.. go to some industrial/goth/punk parties where deviants typically seem to flock.. I'm really lucky because several of my friends are either kinky or have their own fetishes so we can hit up the fetish parties together sometimes (and believe you me, the problems we are facing are common to lots of people with fetishes). I like the idea of the munches, you don't have to dress up in $500 worth of clothes to get in, just show up and have dinner.. there's a lot of small munch and introductory groups dedicated to individual cities on fetlife so maybe try that? I've found a lot of montreal area groups myself.
I can honestly feel I say confident in my ability to have a relationship. I've had a great long-term relationship (that ended largely for reasons of career and distance IMO) and I typically have long-term and very close friendships. My last partner still tells everyone that I am probably the most mature and caring person she's dated, and that means a lot to me (I think I lucked out with her as well.) IMO I have a lot to offer.
To look at things from another perspective: There are a lot of genuinely obsessive fetishists out there, you know the kind who really do objectify their partners as the vehicle by which they get their fix, the idiots who come onto sites such as these and think every woman out there just lives to sate their fetish. There's a lot of people who pursue sex in the same way. I'm sure you're actually cut out for relationships more than many!

[Knave!]

Thanks a ton Shane! Man, solidarity really helps actually :) Not to say I'm glad you're having troubles too, I wish neither of us were. I guess it's just good to know I'm not alone, ya know?
Yeah, I'm really wavering between being really open on the site and holding back to see if anyone is even interested in me. A few of the people I've contacted have gotten back to me but almost everyone seems to jaded and pessimistic. It's really off-putting. I don't honestly know if I'm cut out for dating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that in a whiny, self-pitying way. I know for a fact some people aren't cut out for marriage, maybe it's possible to not be cut out for romantic relationships period. It's certainly a good thing I function well as a bachelor :)
Thanks again Shane, you helped me feel better. Cheers!

[Lexeme]

I hear you knave.. I've been up and down on OKCupid myself. I do find that if you go through a _lot_ of the questions, it will match you up with kinky partners. Problem being, all the women I have met have been submissive women looking for a top.
I actually tried openly posting my fetish on my profile for a while.. it's awkward because I don't want to portray that I'm pushing for sexual activity right off the bat (I actually do value a good relationship, just like normal people lol), but at the same time I don't want the continuous chore of getting into a relationship and discovering that my dating partner is freaked out by my masochistic tendencies. I don't want to feel sexually alienated in a relationship where I feel like I am always giving and never receiving.

Ah fetlife.. Right now I'm frequently and actively participating in fetlife, you definitely need a thick skin for that site but I prefer it to the alternative. As far as the opposite sex goes, usually mostly either submissive women or dominant women looking for a slave, which is a completely different dynamic than our love of sadomasochism. A dominant will accuse you of topping from bottom, which is a somewhat pretentious way of saying 'we aren't compatible in our tastes.' Finding a female sadist is a lot harder. I'm sure I'd enjoy dating a sadist and on some level totally enjoy doing stuff that wasn't fetish-specific for me. I've realized in the past couple years that I'm also a bit of a switch. I understand the love of pain/pleasure and can totally give and enjoy giving and if I'm attracted to my partner I totally get into it. A relationship IS a two-way street. There is a group called 'female sadists' that I joined a couple days ago. Very small, only active a few times a month, but I've already discovered there are women out there who see sadism+masochism as FUN and loving and/or just play and part of a friendship and relationship, instead of putting it on some lofty ritualized and compartmentalized pedestal like I usually see in BDSM communities or turning it into some dark and alienating activity.
Like you everyone tells me I'd make a great father, I'm supposedly very empathetic, unjaded, caring, faithful, etc etc. I just happen to have a fetish that quite frankly, I like a lot.
Anyway I'm just posting in solidarity I guess, see you on fetlife again sometime...! Good luck with your search..

[Knave!]

Yes indeed sir, I am on Fetlife. Nice folks on there but they all live a million miles away. Thanks for the tip :)

[Ned]

Have you tried setting up a profile on Fetlife.com? It's free and lets you start a relationship the other way around.... She finds out about the kinks first and then you have to figure out if you can like each other.