Green Tea

[JackD]

Lois is in a foul mood. She's just finished work and it was the text that had her pissed off. That casual, cheery text. "Hi Honey, I'll be home soon. Cup of green tea please, dinner any time before 8 is fine". It was 7.30. And she had literally just got home after another bitch of a day. Literally a 12-hour day in that fucking office. She couldn't even put her finger on why she was so pissed. Maybe it was the casual nature of what amounted to a demand for his dinner. Maybe it was that, more and more, her job at the paper appeared less and less important than his. Like he was off saving the world or whatever. Maybe it was just that their relationship, once full of excitement and adventure, had descended into normal banality. It was all very well sweeping a girl off her feet, whirlwind romancing her, fricking marrying here, but at some point someone's going to have to wash the dishes. Instead Captain Considerate flies out of the house every day for another exciting day at work and returns with that self-satisfied look of the smug do-gooder. Maybe it was all of this, maybe it was none of it.

Either way, and not for the first time, Lois is pissed off. And today she's thinking about payback as she stirs a little bit of something special into his welcome-home tea.Just a little.

He arrives home right on time as promised, she hears his big feet clumping through the house. She goes to greet him, she's dressed in a nice short and tight skirt, her black patent-leather heels have a platform heel and click loudly on the hard wood floor. He's standing in the middle of the room, dressed in his ridiculous work clothes, smug look on his face. Lois has a convincing smile on her face as she kisses his cheek and offers him the tea. 

"How was your day Dear?"

"A-maze-ing! First thing, there was this bridge that blah blah blah..." Lois tries to look interested, watching him gulp down the way-too-hot tea.

"Then we had a giant gas leak on the subw... blah blah blah..." He blabbers on for a few more minutes as he finishes the tea. Lois thinks he is about to launch into another interminably dull story about his day, when she notices him frown. Clutch his stomach a little.

"Lois. That tea? Was it okay? I feel..."

"Weak?"

And then Lois stepped forward with her left leg, letting her right leg draw back, before unleashing a devastating snap kick into Superman's testicles. The platform sole of her high-heeled shoe gave her foot added momentum, the top of the toe connected square with the  bottom of those famous red briefs, crushing Supe's testicles hard against his pelvis. She feels his balls resist for a micro-second...like they could push back... and then they surrender to the inevitable crushing.

The Man of Steel's scream would have echoed for blocks, but as he screamed out, he was desperately breathing in, and all that Lois heard was a weak mewling noise as his hands shot to his agonised crotch. As he sank to his knees, his face a mask of incomprehension, Superman managed some words.

"Whaaaa... whyyyyy??"

"Kryptonite in the tea Honey. Just a little to soften you up a little. Maybe what you're feeling will teach you not to be a dick."

What Superman is feeling is pain. For the first time in his life, he is experiencing pain. Real pain. His balls are sending shockwaves through his abdomen, his guts, his brain. He can't stop himself slipping into the foetal position. Agony, blinding white agony as his beautiful wife watches, tapping her toe on the floor. Smiling as she pulls out her iphone and takes a picture. Maybe a front page for tomorrow's Daily Planet.

"Things are going to change around here Darling. But we can talk about that tomorrow."

And with that, she left him writhing on the floor.