Locked Out

(Thanks again to CC for editing!)

Locked Out

Ryan limped up the stairs to his apartment, every step aggravating the throbbing ache in his testicles. When he reached his door, he leaned against the frame and took a few deep breaths, collecting himself. He wasn’t that winded from the climb to the third floor, but it was the gut wrenching pain in his balls that made his breath catch. He shook his head, chiding himself for being so stupid and reached into the pocked of his jeans for his keys. His hand dug deep, but no luck, his keys weren’t there.

You gotta be fucking kidding me, he thought as an image of his key ring sitting on the kitchen counter sprang into his mind. He slumped down, back against the wall, and let his head fall into his hands. What the hell was he going to do until Rebecca came home? If she came home, he reconsidered, a small twinge of panic rising in him. Why oh why had he been such a dick to her?

Sure, he’d had a bad day, but that was no reason to take it out on her. Letting a petty quibble bubble into a small war was so…so…moronic, especially when he knew how she handled things. She didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of his anger, but he did deserve that kick in the balls she gave him as a result of his misplaced aggression.

His hand slid between his legs and he cupped his swollen nuts tenderly. He could feel them pressing up against the fabric of his pants, and he wondered just how black and blue they might turn. Thinking about the swelling and possible discoloration, he couldn’t stop himself from reliving the scene. When she’d tried to get up and leave the restaurant to give them some space and let him calm down, he should’ve let her go. Instead, fueled by undue rage, he chased after her, grabbing her arm to keep her from walking out the door.

He could see the look in her eye when she turned back to him, as plain as if she was giving it to him right there in the hallway. It was an icy, calm gaze that sent shivers down his spine. In an instant his mind registered what that look meant, but too bad for him his body wasn’t able to react at the same speed. He was frozen in time and only his eyes showed any indication of the trouble he was in as they reflected the pure fear surging through him. He caught the slight curve of Rebecca’s lips, the hint of a smile, as she processed his look of terror.

She shook off his grasp and gave a quick glance down at her target, taking aim. Then she swung her right leg back and kicked him in the balls as hard as she could. The force of her kick made his teeth click together and he grimaced at the wave of pain that instantly assaulted him. He felt like his balls had exploded. As he dropped to his knees he watched Rebecca whirl around and walk out the door. He could still see the way her skirt waved back and forth over her perfect ass as she strutted out. Bye-bye asshole it seemed to say.

Despite the excruciating pain, he forced himself not to cry out, though he could feel a dampness in the corners of his eyes. It took all his remaining strength not to collapse into the fetal position. How long he’d stayed there on his knees, one hand on the ground and the other cupping himself, he wasn’t sure. It felt like hours, but it was probably only a minute or so.

Fortunately, the hostess, a cute co-ed in strappy black heels which went nicely with her slinky black dress, was kind enough to help him back to his table before he became a spectacle. He’d heard the laughter in her voice when she asked if he was okay, and even now, it made him cringe with embarrassment. At least she didn’t laugh right in my face, he thought.

He quickly settled the bill and then made a beeline for home, though at a much slower pace than he would’ve preferred, thanks to the limp Rebecca had imparted. Good thing he was less than a mile from home.

“Hey – “

Ryan looked up at the sound of a feminine voice and quickly cleared his head. It was the girl from across the hall. He gave her a friendly smile and hoped she didn’t notice him nursing his sore balls.

“You okay?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, rising slowly to his feet. “I seemed to have locked myself out.” He gave her a what-can-you-do shrug.

She returned an understanding smile. “Did you call the landlord?”

“No, I was just going to wait until my girlfriend got home.”

She looked up at the ceiling as if she was doing some quick arithmetic. “It’s kinda cold out, you could wait at my place, I guess, if you want,” she offered.

“Really?” Ryan asked tentatively, unsure about taking up her offer and wondering what his girlfriend would think when she found him across the hall.

“It’s no big deal, unless you bite,” she said with a small laugh.

“Trust me, I don’t bite,” he said, following her into her apartment. In the end, the thought of waiting for God knows how long for Rebecca to get back with nothing to do but wallow self-reproach was enough for him to take his neighbor up on her invitation.

“I’m Ryan,” he said, offering his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

His neighbor accepted the handshake, but wore a quizzical look on her face. After she dropped her purse and keys on the hall table, she turned to Ryan and asked. “We’ve met before, you don’t remember? Well I guess you were in a hurry at the time, I think you’re exact words were ‘Sorry, but I gotta run. I’m already late and my girlfriend said she’d kill me if I wasn’t there on time’ haha.”

Ryan stood there thinking. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember that at all, but it does sound like something I’d say. Rebecca hates when I’m late and it’s in my best interests to keep her happy”. Ryan thought the comment to be an innocent enough representation of the truth.

“Well, aren’t you just a good little boy! Sucks that you locked yourself out, but it’s nice to meet you again. I’m still Roxana, by the way.” Make yourself at home,” she said, waving at the living room, which was a mirror image of Ryan’s apartment. “I’m going to change, but feel free to turn on the TV. Remote’s on the coffee table.”

Ryan looked around the room. It was decorated sparingly, but there was a nice homey feel to it. Not too girly, either, he thought. She had an oak bookcase that matched her TV stand and the wood-framed glass coffee table. The walls were painted eggshell white and boasted several prints of loosely-drawn Italian cities. He recognized Venice and Rome at once. Besides the sofa and recliner, the only other seat was a wooden stool that seemed to double as an end table, judging by the stacks of books sitting on it.

Ryan sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote, putting the television on a re-run of the Big Bang Theory. It seemed like an innocuous choice and he was pretty sure he hadn’t seen this episode before.

“Good call,” Roxana said when she re-joined him, looking much more comfortable in a baggy long-sleeved t-shirt and gray yoga pants. She held out a beer. “Don’t know if you like beer, but I thought it would be rude not to offer you one if I was having one.”

“Thanks!” He said, giving her a grateful smile. “After this evening, I could really use one.”

She tipped her bottleneck to his. “Cheers,” she toasted before sitting in the faded maroon recliner that looked very worn but very comfortable. They continued watching the episode. He hadn’t been paying perfect attention, but from what he gathered, some bully Todd, stole some stuff from Sheldon, Penny had Sheldon and the gang back over to Todd’s house to get whatever back and was currently pounding on the door.

Todd: Now what?

Penny: Give my friend his stuff back.

Todd: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Penny: Well, then, good news. Today’s the day a girl’s finally going to touch you in your little special place!

Penny then kicked the character Todd in the balls, Ryan could hear Roxana let out a little gasp as she watched. He looked over at her, but she quickly avoided eye contact and blurted out So… I don’t mean to pry,” Roxana asked, breaking his appraisal, “but it looked like you were moving a little slow.”

He shot her a resigned look. “...Yeah, you got me. It’s nothing,” he said in tone that he thought might make her change the subject.

She didn’t take the bait. “Hope it’s not too bad. You seem to be a little fidgety in your seat over there.”

Why are girls always so damn observant?, Ryan thought. “Nah, it’s just my ankle. Must’ve twisted it a little when I was walking home.” He tried to give her a convincing smile.

“Let me have a look then,” she said, getting out of her chair. Before he could wave her off, she’d already started undoing his shoelaces.

“Hey, your ankles don’t look swollen,” she said examining them. “Does this hurt?” She pressed the area underneath his ankle bone, and when he didn’t react, she looked at him dubiously. “I don’t think you twisted your ankle.”

Ryan blushed and started to stammer an excuse, but Roxana cut him off.

“Seriously, what happened? You can tell me. I might be able to help. My mom’s a nurse and I know a few tricks.”

“Thanks,” he said, “but I think I’ll be okay.”

“Nonsense. I can get some ice,” she half rose in the direction of the kitchen.

“Aren’t you persistent!” He said exasperated. She held her eyes steady on his. “Fine. If I tell you, will you at least sit back down?”

She laughed and returned to her seat where she proceeded to lean over the arm of the recliner with her hands folded under her chin. “I’m all ears.”

Ryan wrung his hands, thinking of how best to relate what happened without having to spell it out, and looked hard into her clear blue eyes. “Basically, I got in a bit of an argument with my girlfriend and she got a little physical. I was being a bit of a jerk and she called me on it.”

Roxana cocked her head and then broke into a huge grin, flashing her pearly teeth. “I see. And when you say she ‘got a little physical’, what exactly do you mean?” Her grin morphed into a sly smile.

He shook his head at her. “You’re just a little devil, aren’t you?”

She raised an index finger on each side of her head. “Lucifer the Blonde, in the flesh,” she said, flipping her long, platinum ponytail.

Ryan laughed as she waggled her ‘horns’. “Let’s just say she knows where to hit a guy,” he admitted. Roxana’s mouth gaped and she emitted the sweetest, most girlish giggle he’d ever heard. It totally caught him off guard and he found himself suddenly feeling very vulnerable and open.

“She totally cracked your nuts, didn’t she?” Roxana’s blue eyes sparkled with mischief. “You’re limping because she busted your balls, scrambled your eggs, popped your plums, burst your berries – “

Ryan cut short her litany. “Alright, alright. I get the idea. Enough with the euphemisms.”

She gave him a pouty, and very endearing, look. “Aw, but I was on a roll. So how’d she do it? Did she give you a nice, hard knee or was it a good, solid kick?”

He could tell by the way her eyes bore into his that she was hungry for details. “It was a kick. And it was definitely solid.”

“Oooh,” Roxana purred, “I just love it when a girl gives a guy a good kick in the balls. No offense, though,” she added quickly noting his shocked expression. “Did I take it too far?” She reached out and put her hand on his arm by way of apology.

“No, no. I mean, your enthusiasm surprised me, but it’s fine,” he assured her. “Rebecca feels the same way.”

A light bulb seemed to go off in Roxana. “Wait. Your girlfriend is Rebecca, the black-haired girl, about yay-high,” she held her hand about four feet off the ground, “with the really big boobs?”

Ryan nodded. “That’d be the one.”

“God, I’d kill for tits like hers,” Roxana mused, running a hand over her own B cup breasts. “Again, no offense, but from what I’ve seen, they’re amazing, especially considering how tiny she is otherwise.”

“I’m a fan, too” he concurred.

“So you were being an asshole and she kicked you in the balls. Did you cry?”

“I had to stop a few tears. It hurt pretty bad. But I don’t think anyone noticed.”

“Who would’ve noticed?”

“We were having dinner at Delilah’s Bistro and it was pretty crowded from the dinner rush.”

“She kicked you in public? That’s awesome!”

Roxana’s smile was radiant, so stunning that Ryan didn’t even feel embarrassed by her excitement at his humiliation. He just wanted to keep that smile plastered on her face.

“Like I said,” he continued, thinking of how to feed her amusement, “we were arguing at the table, but then she abruptly got up and headed toward the door. I, stupidly, chased after her and grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving. That’s when she hauled off and kicked my balls. The hostess had to help me back to the table.”

Roxana’s smile grew, if that was possible, and she blurted, “And a girl had to help you up? Gawd, that must’ve been totally emasculating.”

“It was. I’m sure my face was quite red,” he admitted with a shrug.

She leveled her deep blue eyes on his, and he tried to hold her gaze in return hoping that he wasn’t blushing all over again. They stared at each other in silence for a beat, Roxana still wearing that dazzling smile. Finally, Ryan couldn’t take it any longer and looked down at his hands.

“So, has she ever done that before?” Roxana asked as she leaned back in the recliner and let her legs dangle over the armrest.

“Has she ever kicked me in the balls, or kicked me in public?”

“I guess I meant has she ever kicked you period.”

Ryan paused a moment, debating on how truthful to be, but one glance at her devilish, yet somehow innocent face, and he went with the truth. “To be honest, Rebecca busts my balls all the time.” He gave her an uncertain smile.

“Define all the time,” she coaxed.

“At least once a week, sometimes more. You could say it’s a hobby of hers.”

“Nice hobby.” Admiration dripped in her voice. “So you’re used to limping then?”

Ryan stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t say I’m ‘used to it’. You never really get used to that awful pain.”

There was something in his eyes that indicated he had more to say, so when he didn’t elucidate, she pried deeper. “I guess I can believe that. But to let her do it so often? I mean, why stay with her? And don’t tell me it’s those huge cans,” she added, narrowing her eyes, though Ryan could tell she was mostly kidding him.

“Now you’re getting a bit personal, aren’t you?” He countered.

“Fine. Don’t tell me.” Roxana’s lips went all pouty as she pretended to feign indifference, and the way she drew her legs to her chest made him think she really might not care.

Ryan took a sip of beer and tried to read her. Was he really willing to broach such a personal subject with a stranger? Even if that stranger happened to be a striking blonde with an amazing smile? Yes, he thought, setting the beer down, yes I am.

“Okay, but you have to promise not to get weirded out.”

Immediately, Roxana leaned forward with her hands under her chin as her blue eyes blazed. “I promise,” she said through a coy grin.

It was good enough for Ryan. “Believe it or not, Becca actually kneed me in the balls on our first date, before we even went out. In fact, right after I opened the door to greet her, she pulled me into a hug and then, wham, drove her knee right through the wickets.” He paused to gauge Roxana’s reaction and he was not disappointed. The radiant smile was ever so close to making an appearance, so he soldiered on.

“I went down in a heap, but she just stood there waiting patiently for me to recover. When I finally regained my wits, and after the pain eased up a little, I had to ask her why the hell she did it. She said it was her belief that every guy should get his balls busted by a girl and that she wouldn’t date a guy who couldn’t handle it. Of course, I told her that was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard, but she just laughed and pulled me to my feet.”

Roxana cut him off. “And you still went out with her?” She shook her head in disbelief, but the gleaming smile broke through, egging Ryan on.

“I did. Couldn’t write her off without a chance to feel those ‘huge cans’,” he teased.

Roxana gave him a reproachful look, albeit a playful one. “With an attitude like that it sounds like she gave you exactly what you deserved!”

Ryan chuckled and raised his hands. “Hey, I was only kidding. Seriously, though, there was just something about her sassiness that I found very appealing. Despite the rough start, I wanted to get to know her.” He sighed and looked past Roxana into the distance. “Turns out, that was a bad idea. For my balls, anyway. Now Becca won’t go a week without sending them into orbit. Things like earlier don’t happen that often. I mean, we don’t get into many arguments. But when we do, you can bet she goes right for my nuts.” He gave a soft chuckle. “Now this will really sound weird. I actually like it when we fight and she kicks my balls. There’s something so attractive about being rendered helpless when all I want to do is show her who’s boss.“

Roxana shot him a curious glance.

“I can’t explain it, really,” he said, shaking his head.

Roxana brushed a loose curl of golden-blonde hair from her eye and gave Ryan a long stare. Her eyes were practically blazing and it unsettled him a bit. He wasn’t sure if it was the intensity of her gaze or the fact that he was going to come up with the right words to explain the way he felt.

He exhaled and then a thought struck him. “It’s a little like holding two things in tension. In this case, there’s a real fear of the pain that comes with a hard kick, but then there’s the absolute delight I feel when I see how happy Bec is. And even though we may be going at it, deep down I want Becca to be happy. I know she’s going to go for my groin and my involuntary reaction is to evade the blow – which, in most cases, I could do. Don’t tell her I said that!”

She offered him a confidential wink that made him laugh.

“Anyway, like I said, I want her to be happy and I know busting balls makes her happy. So I force myself to accept my fate. And afterward, when I look up at her, there’s always this glow about her. It never fails. Even if she’s still scowling, her eyes shine in a way that reveals a real sense of happy satisfaction. I know. I’m crazy.”

Ryan sat back and polished off his beer, waiting for Roxana to respond.

“You might be a little crazy, but I also think that might be the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.” Roxana, too, finished her beer, starting to feel its effects. “Not only are you a cute, pretty well-built guy, but you’re willing to take anything your woman dishes out.” She leaned forward and put a hand on Ryan’s leg. “I’d give anything for a man like you.”

Bells went off in Ryan’s brain as he thought, holy shit, she’s coming on to me. He panicked, unsure what to do. As he tried to stand, he clumsily knocked his empty bottle to the floor.

Roxana laughed and lithely slid off her perch onto her knees and reached for the bottle, which, to Ryan’s dismay was about a foot in front of him directly between his legs. She grabbed it and looked up at him, a mix of hesitation and desire in her eyes. “What if I just punched you in the balls right now, for knocking over that bottle? I could, you know.”

He felt his legs tremble as his tongue stuck fast in his mouth. Her giggle told him she could see the distress on his face, which only increased as she slowly cocked her fist back.

Just then, a loud rap issued at the front door, cutting through the tension. The sound was enough to jolt Roxana out of her flirtatious feint and she quickly rose and went over to the door. Peering through the peephole she saw Rebecca.

“Looks like your girlfriend is here to collect you,” Roxana said, trying to not to sound disappointed. She opened the door. “Hello?”

“Hi, I was wondering if you’ve seen Ryan, my boyfriend? He’s tallish with – “

Roxana cut her off. “I know Ryan, and yes I have. He’s right here.” She opened the door wider so Rebecca could get a glimpse of Ryan as he was moving toward the door. “I ran into him in the hall and let him stay here since he locked himself out of his apartment.”

“Aren’t you a good Samaritan?” Rebecca shot back, clearly annoyed. “And a rather pretty one at that,” she continued, giving Roxana a once-over, and, taking note of the girl’s flushed cheeks added, “I’m sure he didn’t mind one bit.” She called out to Ryan, “Hurry it up, I’m waiting!” And then she turned back toward Ryan’s apartment.

As Ryan was hustling to catch up to her, Roxana grabbed him and whispered, “You might want to give some thought to protecting yourself this time. She still seems a little hot.”

Ryan leaned into her and whispered back, “Thanks for the heads up. By the way, looks like you missed your chance to punch me in the balls” He gave her a small smirk and a shrug, and then left Roxana to ponder what could have been as he made his way over to his girlfriend.

For a moment, Roxana stood with her jaw agape, but then she slowly closed her door. She started to go after another beer, but then stopped. She turned and peered through the peephole again, and boy was she glad she did. She watched as the couple stood facing each other in front of the open apartment door. They were speaking in hushed tones, so Roxana couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. Based on Rebecca’s animated gesturing and Ryan’s sullen demeanor, she was pretty sure the girl was giving him a solid dressing down. Finally, Rebecca stopped and placed her hands firmly on her hips, looking at Ryan with a defiant glare. Roxana laughed to herself when Ryan returned her hostile gaze with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. Oh Ryan, girls hate indifference! That’ll just piss her off even more, dummy, she thought.

It looked to Roxana like Rebecca was about to storm off into the apartment, and she almost turned away from the peephole. But then a sudden movement caught her eye. Instead of going into the apartment, Rebecca turned back to Ryan in a flash and put her arms on his shoulders, pulling him down to her. Roxana squinted hard into the peephole and watched excitedly as the girl’s knee shot like a piston right into the poor boy’s groin. She heard the loud thwump through her door as the delicate, feminine kneecap found its targets, and gasped with delight as the boy sank to his knees, clutching his battered balls.

Caught up in studying the terrible anguish spreading across Ryan’s face, Roxana was jolted by the sound of Rebecca slamming the door shut on him. She turned her back to her own door and replayed the scene in her mind. She wanted to take one last look at Ryan slumped on the ground but she was afraid of what she might do. Eventually her curiosity was too much and she soon found herself staring at him again.

He was on his knees, one hand on the ground, the other in his groin. His head hung and he seemed to be breathing quite hard. Roxana wanted to go to him, to see the pain, up close, etched in his grimace. She wanted to ask him how bad his balls hurt, hoping the excruciating pain wouldn’t allow him to answer. She wanted to see the truth of his agony radiating from his glistening eyes.

Awww, did that itty-bitty girl with those big ol’ boobs bruise your silly little balls? The thought made her giggle all over again.

Suddenly, Ryan looked up, as if he’d heard her taunting, teasing thought and looked toward her door. For a moment, Roxana held her breath. But then she nearly melted with pleasure when he forced himself to smile toward her door, like he knew she’d be watching. He gave a thumbs up and then sat back against the wall, letting his head fall.

As Roxana finally pulled herself away from the peephole and went to get that beer, she smiled that radiant, gleaming smile Ryan so longed to see and thought to herself, “Ok, that was pretty cute Ryan, I’ll admit that, but I’m still a little mad that you forgot meeting me. And I don’t think I missed my chance at all. I hope you pull yourself together soon, because next time I see you, I’m gonna give you something to remember me by. Ready or not, I’ll kick ‘em right up into your gut! ”

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