Hazel's Nuts

[Nel Lee]

If you’re familiar with my stories, you know what I like to write. Smut. But I’ve had a change of heart. I decided to focus more on creative writing and fantasy this time. There’s still a good bit of ballbusting, just not the typical sexy kind I usually write. You can find the original story here, and as always, suggestions are hugely appreciated! Anyway, I hope you like the first installment of “Hazel’s Nuts.”

 

* * *

 

Mike was an American boy studying abroad in Glasgow, Scotland. He was walking home one night after a long bout of drinking and as he rounded the last corner before his flat, he noticed something he had never seen before; a bright neon sign displaying the name “Hazel’s” at the end of his street.

 

“Well, that’s new.” Mike slurred. He checked his watch – 3:00 am – “A pub open this late? Huh?” He stumbled off to investigate. He drew closer and looked in the window. It was definitely a bar, and it seemed to be open. He cautiously entered.

 

As soon as he crossed the threshold he could tell something was off. The bartender was nowhere to be found, one woman sat by herself at the end of the bar, and there was a disgusting jar of pickled eggs on the counter. At least, he thought they were pickled eggs. If they were, they had gone bad. As if compelled to do so, he took a seat.

 

He waited for the barkeep, and as his eyes started to wander, he noticed the woman at the end of the bar was staring at him. He averted his eyes instinctively, but got curious and looked back. She was walking towards him now!

 

He looked her up and down. She was Mike’s perfect woman. Her form-fitting red dress showed off every curve. Her large round breasts peaked out from her low cut bodice. Her wide hips swayed back and forth, echoing each click of her stiletto heels. She wore dark glasses and a necklace that descended deep into her cleavage.

 

She exhaled a breathy “Hey hun, you been here before?” Mike was surprised to hear her accent. It had the twang of the American south.

 

She was gorgeous and Mike was left dumbfounded. All he could muster was a weak “Uh… no…”

 

“Well good to meet you then! I’m Hazel.” She said. Mike was incapable of replying, struck by her beauty. “Can I help you? Wanna try anything?” Hazel asked.

 

Intoxicated and infatuated, the words unconsciously slipped like butter from Mike’s mouth. “I wanna try you…”

 

Hazel covered her mouth and giggled. “Oh stop.” She said, waving a dismissive hand. As she laughed, Mike’s eyes drifted towards her heaving cleavage. Hazel smiled. “Oh, you like my breasts?” She asked. Mike nodded, entranced. “You wanna see em?”

 

Mike’s eyes shot up to meet Hazel’s. “Yes!” he nodding eagerly.

 

“Well, I’ll show you…” She said. “If you do something for me.”

 

“Anything.” Mike said.

 

“Would you…” She trailed off and leaned in to whisper. “Give me your left nut?” She giggled and bit the corner of her lip.

 

Mike’s eyes bugged out in. “Uh… What? I don’t…”

 

“Don’t worry it’ll be fine. It’s just a nut. You don’t need two.” She cooed. “You do want to see them, don’t you?” She asked, pouting, compressing her breasts with her biceps.

 

Mike’s eyebrows buckled “Yes…” He sighed while staring at her expanding cleavage.

 

“Shake on it then?” She asked, extending her hand. Mike tried to make sense of this but he was too drunk for rationality. He took her hand without a second thought.

 

Hazel gripped Mike’s hand hard and whispered something under her breath. “What?” Mike asked.

 

“Oh, nothing.” She said with a toothy grin. “The deal is done then.”

 

Suddenly, like magic, Hazel’s breasts burst from her dress. They jiggled wildly as they were freed from their confinement. Mike’s mouth fell agape. They were perfect. He wanted to stare forever but a disturbing feeling distracted him. He strangely felt a few grams lighter, specifically in his nether regions.

 

A look of terror crept across his face as the reality dawned on him. He reached inside his pants and fished around. To his horror, he only found one testicle where there used to be two.

 

Mike looked up to see Hazel smiling sadistically, holding what looked to be one of the rotten eggs from earlier. “Looking for something?” She asked. Mike said nothing. “Aww…” Hazel pouted her lips. “You look so scared. I hate to do this, but it’s you or me. I hope you understand.”

 

In last ditch desperation, Mike lunged to grab the orb from her, but as he did, Hazel squeezed it hard. Mike was instantly put into the worst pain of his life. It was like a truck had run over his testicle. He crumpled to the ground, screaming.

 

“Tsk, tsk.” Hazel scolded, circling Mike’s spastic body. “Now that’s no way to treat a lady.” She stopped squeezing his nut but the pain lingered in Mike’s abdomen. “Now I’d love to show you my tits some more, but I really must be going.” She said. Mike looked up longingly, staring at her breasts. Somehow this comforted him.

 

“Well, goodnight.” She said. With that she slammed the orb down on the bar, squashing it between her palm and the hard wood. Mike passed out instantly.

 

* * *

The light of dawn broke across Mike’s face. He awoke to find himself lying in front of a boarded up building. “Where am I?” He asked himself. He looked around and saw his apartment only a few doors down. “What the hell?” He tried to stand, but an intense pain in his abdomen stopped him. He winced.

 

He was confused. This was no hangover. It felt like he had been kicked in the… Suddenly the memories flooded back. He gasped and stuck his hand down his pants. “No!” He shouted after finding only one testicle. He looked up and realized that the abandoned building was Hazel’s only the night before.

 

Despite the pain, he leapt to his feet and banged on the boarded up windows. “Let me in! Please!” He shouted. He kept on banging until an old Irish voice croaked from behind him.

 

“Aye, boyo.” Mike whipped around to see an old man with a cane. “What’s the matter laddie?” He asked.

 

“The bar… A woman… Hazel...” Mike stammered incoherently.

 

“Ye went into a pub called Hazel’s last night, aye?” Mike nodded fearfully. “I’ll be guessing ye be missin something from ye trousers then?” The man gestured towards Mike’s crotch. Mike’s face turned beet red. “Ah, blimey…” The man lamented.

 

“What?” Mike asked. “Do you know her? Do you know Hazel?”

 

“Know her?” The old man said. “She’s my ex wife!”

 

* * *

Nearly 50 miles from Mike on the Isle of Arran, a crow flew over the mountainside. A small cottage sat in a clearing, with no other buildings in sight. On the door hung a small sign that read “WITCHES AT PLAY.”

 

The crow descended towards the cottage. As it came to land, a cloud of black smoke consumed it, and Hazel exited from the plumes. In one arm, she carried the jar of testes, in the other hand, she held Mike’s. She opened the door and was greeted by two younger girls sitting at the kitchen table.

 

“Hazel!” One cried. “You’re finally home!”

 

“Successful night?” The other asked.

 

“You tell me.” Hazel said as she tossed Mike’s left nut towards the girls. They both lunged out like it was a bridal bouquet. The one on the left caught it and greedily sheltered it. Her name was Sapphire.

 

Sapphire was the older of the two girls. She looked like a younger Hazel, just without the curves. Hazel had taken Saph on as an apprentice after she had ran away from her family. She was very intelligent, but didn’t have the looks to be a good witch.

 

“Heyyy I wanted that!” Whined the other girl as she feebly pawed at Sapphire’s clutching grasp. This one’s name was Jasmine. Jasmine was gorgeous. Although she was young, she had already grown into a full woman’s body. Her skin was tan, her hair was auburn and her eyes were a piercing grey.

 

Jasmine wasn’t the smartest, but she had good intentions. Hazel had found her in the woods one day when she was just a baby. Her parents had left her there, bound to die, so Hazel took her home. Since then she had been an apprentice like Sapphire.

 

“Too bad…” Sapphire said. She held up Mike’s nut between her thumb and forefinger. “I caught it so I get to…”

 

* * *

 

Suddenly, Mike crumpled to the ground in agony. “Aghh!” He screamed. He clutched at his crotch, but there was nothing he could do. The old man gasped. “Ah shite.” He said as he hobbled over toward an alley.

 

“Ahhh!” Mike shouted. “What the fuck old man, come help me!”

 

“There’s nothing I can do!” The old man replied. “And I can’t have her seeing me.”

 

Mike relaxed all of a sudden. The pressure had stopped but some pain remained. “What do you mean you can’t have her seeing you?!” Mike asked.

 

* * *

“My turn!” Jasmine shouted and stole Mike’s nut from Sapphire’s hand. “Man… I wish there was some way we could watch the guy while we squeeze his nut!” Jasmine giggled.

 

“Ughh…” Hazel sighed, palming her face. “How many times must I tell you, Jasmine. There is!”

 

“There is?” Asked Jasmine.

 

“The cauldron…” Hazel said, pointing towards a large cauldron in the corner. “Give me that.” She said, snatching away the testicle. Hazel led the girls towards it.

 

“Oh yeah!” Said Jasmine as she skipped along behind.

 

“All you have to do,” Hazel said as the three girls crowded around the cauldron. “Is dip the testicle into the water and…” She dipped Mike’s ball, and as the ripples dissipated, a bird’s eye view of Mike crumpled on the ground came into view. “Voila!” Hazel said.

 

“Ooooo.” Jasmine cooed. “He’s kinda cuuute.”

 

“Not my type.” Said Sapphire.

 

“Now watch this…” Hazel said with a sadistic grin. She ever so slowly applied pressure to Mike’s nut. The girls could see this discomfort on his face. Mike clutched at his crotch.

 

“Ha!” Sapphire laughed. “That ain’t gonna help.”

 

As Hazel increased the pressure, Mike became even more distressed. He started rocking back and forth, with both hands in his crotch. The girls could tell he was moaning. Then, Hazel squeezed as hard as she could. The girls burst into laughter as his spastic movements increased. Mike started crawling away to avoid the pain.

 

“Nowhere to go, boy.” Sapphire laughed. Hazel released Mike’s jewel, and he plopped face down on the ground. The pain was still lingering terribly but at least the pressure had stopped. “Ooo.” Sapphire called. “I’ve got an idea.”

 

Sapphire took the ball from Hazel and held it between her thumb and forefinger long ways. She brought her other hand up and cocked it into a flicking position. “Lets see this baby fly.” With that, she flicked Mike’s gonad like a paper football, sending it flying across the room. “Goooooaaaallll!” She cried with arms in the air.

 

The initial flick made Mike leap two feet in the air, and when he hit the ground his legs danced a maniacal jig. Then his ball bounced around the room, each time, inflicting another jolt of pain to Mike’s crotch. Sapphire watched and laughed, while Jasmine ran off to chase the bouncing nugget.

 

“Yay! My turn! My turn!” Shouted Jasmine with glee. She retrieved Mike’s ball, jogged back to the cauldron and then chucked it back across the room. It flew through the air and landed on a table at the other side of the cottage. When it landed it bumped into a large spell book that was standing on its end.

 

The girls watched with baited breath as the tome started to teeter back and forth. Finally, it came crashing down atop Mike’s nut. “Oooo.” The girls said through clenched teeth. They looked into the cauldron to see Mike vomiting on the street.

 

“Alright, girls that’s enough.” Said Hazel apathetically. “Now return to your studies.”

 

“Aww.” Jasmine said. She went and retrieved the nut. “Hazel?” She asked. “Can I keep this one? Pleeeease?”

 

“Fine.” Replied Hazel. “Just don’t go breaking it.”

 

“Yay!” Jasmine said, jumping for joy. She looked down at the testicle in her hand like it was a precious jewel. She smiled, slipped Mike’s nut into her pocket and went back to her work.

 

* * *

 

It had been a few minutes and Mike hadn’t made a peep. The old man decided to venture out of his hiding spot. He found Mike passed out. “Boy! Boy!” The old man shouted, slapping Mike’s face.

 

“Wha?” Mike said. “My… Balls…”

 

“I know, I know.” Said the old man. “Come with me. I’ll explain everything.” The old man helped Mike to his feet and led him into a building right across the street. “The name’s Seamus by the way, Seamus O’Malley.” He took Mike’s hand and shook it.

 

“Michael.” Mike replied. “Mike Gallagher.”

 

They walked into Seamus’s living room and Mike plopped down on the first seat he could find. “Can I get ye anything?” Seamus asked. “Coffee? Tea? Baileys?”

 

“Tea would be fantastic.” Mike replied. Across the room a stove turned on, a teakettle flew through the air and a pitcher of water filled it up. “What the!” Mike shouted, pointing towards the kettle. “The… It just…”

 

“Ah yes.” Seamus said. “I should probably start explaining.” He took a seat near Mike. “As you may have realized, Hazel is a witch.” He said. “What you might not have realized, is that she steals bollocks so she can live longer.” Mike looked terribly confused. Seamus continued.

 

“Ya see, Hazel may look young, but she’s actually ancient. 300 years old if I be correct!” He said. “When she was a young lass, she found a spell that kep her living forever. All she had to do was drink the semen of a young man and poof!” Seamus brought his hands into the air. “Her body stopped aging.”

 

The teakettle started to screech and Seamus got up to fetch it. “The only thing was,” He said. “She had to drink fresh cum each night or the spell would lose its effect!” He poured the tea. “So she went round, slurpin up each cock she could find.” He swung the kettle back and forth.

 

“Eventually, she caught some disease. Can’t remember which. Syphilis maybe. She cured herself almost immediately. But the few days she had the disease really did a numba on her. So she decided to settle down. And that’s when she met me.”

 

Seamus leaned back and looked very proud of himself, having bagged a cum-guzzling witch. “I was a sailor at the time,” He said. “Had just docked in the ports of Philadelphia. Hazel found me, and sucked me of. And that’s when she realized… Well, let’s just say… I can produce the goods.” He smiled.

 

“So we had our fun, ahhhh yes we had fun.” Seamus reminisced. “She moved back with me to Glasgow and lordy did we fuck.” Seamus chortled. “God only knows how much cum she drank.” Suddenly his reminiscent smile faded.

 

“But then…” He said frowning. “She learned another spell… She found out that if she magically steals a man’s entire nut, she won’t have to do anything else for a month!” Seamus looked into his mug of tea and sighed. “I was her first test subject…”

 

There was a long pause, and Mike chimed in for the first time in a while. “I’m sorry…” He put his hand on Seamus’ shoulder. “So I guess that makes you a wizard then?” Mike asked.

 

“Ahhh maybe… Not quite.” Seamus said. “Nothin like Hazel that’s for sure. I know a few illusions and incantations. Mostly things to help around the house, that’s all.” Seamus suddenly got a twinkle in his eye. “But there is one spell that I know, that will be of great use to you.” He pointed at Mike.

 

“And what’s that?” Asked Mike.

 

“It’s the spell that’s gonna reattach ye missin bollock.” Seamus said.

 

“So there is a way?!” Mike said jumping to his feet.

 

“Aye.” Seamus said

 

“So does that mean you got your ball back too?” Mike said.

 

“Sadly no.” Seamus lamented. “Hazel keeps my nut on a necklace between her tits. No way I can get it there. Not with her powerful magic and all. But if you can go retrieve your bollock, then I know how to put it back.”

 

“I noticed that necklace.” Mike said thinking back to that fateful night. “I didn’t see your nut though.”

 

“That’s cause its squished between her tits!” Seamus yelled. “Lord how I hate that. Its like my bollock is constantly getting squeezed! Why do you think I have this cane!”

 

“Ooo…” Mike said, empathizing. “Well then, can you help me get my ball back?”

 

“I can and I will.” Said Seamus. “Now here’s the plan…”

 

* * *

 

Back at the witches’ cottage, Sapphire sat at the table practicing a new spell. A severed monkey’s paw was in front of her. With a wave of her finger, the open paw clenched into a fist. She waved her finger and the paw opened again.

 

Suddenly, Jasmine burst though the door. “I HATE HIM!” She shouted. “I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!”

 

“What’s wrong?” Asked Sapphire.

 

“My stupid boyfriend!” Jasmine said. “Where’s Hazel?!”

 

“She’s out somewhere.” Sapphire replied. “Why do you need her?”

 

“I want her to do the castratix curse on him!” She said. “Ugh. If I only knew the castratix curse, I’d take his nut, I’d take a sledgehammer, and I’d SMASH IT!” She said as she pounded her fist on the table.

 

“Woah, woah.” Sapphire said as she got up and stroked Jasmine’s arm. “Hold on Lorena Bobbitt. Just cause we don’t know the castratix curse doesn’t mean you can’t get revenge. We just have to use the old fashioned way.” To Sapphire and Jasmine “the old fashioned way” still involved a whole lot of complex magic.

 

“And I think I know the exact spell we’re going to use.” Sapphire said, turning to look at the monkey’s paw on the table. She wagged her finger and the open hand clenched into a tight fist. Jasmine watched and her scowl grew into a great big smile.

 

* * *

 

Mike and Seamus sat in Seamus’ beat up Volkswagen bug. They had driven to the witches’ cottage and were waiting outside for the right moment to strike. They watched as the two girls scampered out the door. The girls were enveloped in a black plume of smoke and two crows flew out of it. Seamus waited for a moment.

 

“Alright, that should be the last of them.” Seamus said. “Now run in, do exactly as I told you and be out as fast as ye possibly can. And remember, it might be tempting to steal the whole jar, but don’t be a hero. The last guy that tried that didn’t live to tell the tale.”

 

“Got it.” Mike said as he left the car and ran off towards the cottage.

 

Mike made it to the door and gingerly opened it. His heart was beating fast. He looked inside and saw the jar of testicles on the table. “Bingo.” He said. He walked over and looked down at the jar of manhood. “Sorry guys.” He said as he picked up a testicle. He clenched his eyes tight and squeezed the testicle, but he felt nothing. “Nope.” He said and placed the ball down on the table. He picked up another one.

 

Mike repeated the process of picking up testicles and squeezing them over and over. It was the only way to tell if it was his but he felt bad because he knew the reality of the situation. Around the country, hell around the world, men were dropping like flies.

 

He picked up a nut that seemed oddly important. He shrugged and gave it a squeeze. Nothing happened so he placed the ball on the table. Somewhere, across the ocean, at an estate in Chappaqua, NY, former president Bill Clinton fell to the floor in agony.

 

He came across another that was obviously too small to be his, so he put it down without a squeeze. Donald Trump was spared. Mike continued on with his squeezing.

 

* * *

 

A few miles away, the two crows, Sapphire and Jasmine descended towards a small village. They landed near a house and hopped around to the backyard. The crows peaked around the corner and saw a burly man chopping wood. A plume of black smoke erupted, leaving Sapphire and Jasmine in its wake.

 

“That him.” Jasmine whispered, pointing towards the man. “That’s Connor.”

 

“Ooo.” Sapphire cooed. “Look at the muscles on him.”

 

“Saph!” Jasmine said. “Were not here to balk at him. Were here to bust his balls!”

 

“Fine fine…” Saphire said. “Now lets get this show on the road.” Sapphire pointed her finger towards a brick on the ground. It lifted into the air and started floating towards Connor.

 

Connor continued to chop wood, his legs spread wide. The brick floated right between his legs. Connor lifted his ax up above his head. “Here you go, boy.” Sapphire said.

 

The brick then shot up into Connor’s crotch. It connected directly with his nuts. Connor eyes crossed, a small “eep” escaped his lips and he dropped the ax behind him.

 

“Ugh…” Connor said. “What the hell.” He fell onto his hands and knees and gripped his junk.

 

Jasmine giggled. “Nice one.”

 

“Now the real fun begins.” Sapphire said. She waved her finger again and Connor’s hand closed tight, squeezing the manhood that he had been clutching.

 

“AHHHH!” Connor screamed. He flipped onto his back and started rocking back and forth. “My nuts! My nuts!” He shouted. The girls burst out into laughter. “Why can’t I let go?!” Connor shouted again. The girls laughed even harder.

 

Connor heard them and looked over in their direction. He saw them peaking out from around the corner. The girls noticed and ducked out of the way but Connor had seen them. “Run! Run!” Sapphire said, taking Jasmine by the arm and leading her away.

 

“I saw you Jazz!” Connor shouted in a high-pitched voice. “You bitch!”

 

The girls ran away cackling. Jasmine threw her hands into the air. “Woo!” She cried. Without stopping their gait or their laughter, the girls disappeared into black smoke and two crows emerged, flying away into the distance, cawing all the way back to the cottage.

 

* * *

 

The girls landed at the cottage, still laughing. “That was amazing!” Jasmine said.

 

“That dick deserved it.” Sapphire replied.

 

“Lets go inside.” Jasmine said. “Let me pour you a drink.”

 

“Ah, I’d love to, but I have to go forage for a few mushrooms.” Said Sapphire. “Go have an extra drink for me.” She winked at Jasmine.

 

“Haha, alright.” Jasmine said. “Well good luck out there.”

 

“Thanks.” Said Sapphire as she exploded into smoke and flew off as a crow. Jasmine walked over towards the cottage.

 

* * *

 

Mike stared down into the jar. Only one testicle remained. On the table sat dozens of small orbs. “Damn.” He said. “What are the odds this is mine…” He begrudgingly picked up the last ball and gave it a squeeze. “Nothing.” He said. “Where the hell is my ball?” He slammed his fist on the table.

 

He started putting all the testicles back in the jar, and just as he returned the last one, the door opened and Jasmine walked through. She closed the door behind her, looked over and saw Mike standing there. She gasped. “Its you…”

 

Mike didn’t miss a beat. He sprinted over towards her, slammed her against the door and covered her mouth with his hand. “Don’t you make a sound.” He said. “I’m going…” Before he could continue, Mike’s fingers that were covering Jasmine’s mouth turned into snakes, slithering around and hissing.

 

Mike screamed. He released Jasmine and gripped his wrist, but in the next moment, his hand had turned back to normal. He looked at Jasmine in terror. “Don’t be afraid.” Jasmine said in a calming voice. “I know who you are. You’re looking for your testicle aren’t you?” Mike eyed her warily.

 

“Here.” She said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out his ball. “It’s right here. You can have it.” She extended the orb to Mike.

 

Mike looked at it. “How do I know this isn’t another trick? How do I know that’s mine?” He asked.

 

Jasmine squeezed Mike’s nut and Mike yelped, instinctively clutching his crotch. “Oh…” Jasmine said remorsefully. “Too hard?”

 

“No…” Mike said. “Its fine… Thanks…” He said, extending his hand. Jasmine dropped the nut into his palm. Mike stood up and looked at her. “Why are you doing this? Don’t you need this to stay young?”

 

“Not me.” Replied Jasmine. “That’s Hazel… And I’m doing it because… because I don’t think guys like you deserve to get their nuts stolen. There are guys out there that deserve it much more than you.” She said, thinking back to her boyfriend.

 

“Well.” Mike said. “Thanks for saying that. And thanks for doing this. I really need this.” Mike looked into Jasmine’s grey eyes and he noticed for the first time how beautiful she was. Jasmine looked back and felt the same. They stared at each other, speechless. “So…” Mike said, but was cut of by shouting from outside.

 

“JASMINE!” The shouting came. “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE YOU BITCH!”

 

Jasmine gasped. “Oh no. That’s my boyfriend. Quick, hide!” Jasmine shuffled Mike behind a corner. Right as Mike was hidden, Connor burst through the door. He hobbled in, still aggressively clutching his crotch.

 

“Who the hell do you think you are?” He said in a high-pitched voice. “Stop this spell! Let me let go of my balls!”

 

“I can’t.” Said Jasmine. “That was Sapphire, I don’t know the spell so I can’t reverse it.”

 

“Can’t reverse it?” He shouted. “Can’t reverse it?! Well, I can’t reverse this!” He brought his free hand up, ready to punch Jasmine. Jasmine cowered, hidding her face behind her hand. Connor lunged at her, but before he could do anything, Mike’s fist stretched out and socked Connor right in the jaw.

 

Conner fell to the floor, out cold. Jasmine looked up to see Mike standing there like a super hero. “Thank you.” She said.

 

“Well…” Mike said. “It’s the least I can do for the girl who gave me my nut back.” They locked eyes and went back to staring deeply at one another. Once again, they were interrupted by someone shouting from outside.

 

“Jasmine?!” They heard. This time it was Sapphire’s voice.

 

“Oh no…” Jasmine said. “Its Sapphire! Hide again!” Mike went back to his hiding spot just in time for Sapphire to bust in.

 

“I heard shouting!” Sapphire said. “Is everything okay?” Sapphire then looked down to see Connor’s lifeless body. “Wow…” She said. “What the hell did you do to him?”

 

“Uh…” Jasmine stuttered. “I… I cast a spell on him?”

 

“Really?” Asked Sapphire. “What spell?”

 

“Uh… I forget.” Jasmine said.

 

“You forget?” Sapphire said. Jasmine nodded. “You cast the spell a minute ago and you forget?”

 

“Uh… yes?” Jasmine said.

 

“Whatever.” Sapphire shrugged. She looked down and saw Connor still clutching his crotch. “Damn. How’d he get all the way here? His nuts are practically in a vice. I’m surprised he could even walk. Well…” She wagged her finger and Connor hand released its grip. “I guess we’ll just erase his memory and get him home then.”

 

The girls then went about dragging Connor’s body out of the door. Mike stayed in his hiding spot and waited for a while. When he felt enough time had gone by, he crawled over to the window. He looked out and saw that the girls had left. The coast was clear, so he opened the door and sprinted towards Seamus’ car.

 

When he got there, he opened the passenger door and got in. “What in bloody hell happened in there?” Seamus asked.

 

“Long story.” Mike said. “But we have to go back.”

 

“Dammit boy!” Seamus shouted. “I told you we can’t take the jar!”

 

“No,” Mike said. “Its not that. The witch. The younger one, I didn’t catch her name but I need to see her again.”

 

“Who, Jasmine?” Seamus asked.

 

“Jasmine…” Mike said wistfully. “Yes. We had a connection.”

 

“No!” Seamus said. “No way. You’ll get yourself killed boyo!”

 

“I don’t care.” Mike said. “I need to see her again!”

 

“Ach…” Seamus groaned. “Ah to be young and in love with a witch.” He slumped his head. “Well fine, I’ll help you, but only under two conditions.”

 

“Okay?” Mike said.

 

“One.” Seamus said lifting his finger. “I’m not putting my arse on the line for this. It’s your funeral, so don’t expect me to risk it.”

 

“Fine.” Mike said.

 

“And two.” Seamus said lifting another finger. “Don’t blame me if you end up a pet frog. Okay?”

 

“Deal.” Mike said.

 

“Ugh…” Seamus said. “Why couldn’t you just take your nut and get overwith it.”

 

“I guess I can’t help it.” Said Mike.

 

“Ah lord.” Seamus said. “Well let’s get out of here. I’ll reattach your bollock and we can make a plan to come back later.” Seamus turned the keys and the two men drove off into the distance. “You American boys.” Seamus said. “Always thinkin with your balls…”

 

* * *

 

That’s all I’ve got so far. I want Mike, Seamus and Jasmine to defeat Hazel at the end, but idk how to get them there. Any ideas?

[KiwiBB]

This was great -- I love the "detached testicle" concept! I can imagine Mike's nut getting into all sorts of sexy trouble: flattened in someone's back pocket when they sit down, accidentally stepped on, things like that. I'm curious to see where you take things next!

[Rachel Matthews]

I'm thinking having either Jasmine or Jasmine and Sapphire both turn on Hazel and assist Mike and Seamus on their quest. Maybe Hazel takes Connor's nuts but Jasmine realizes he isn't a complete dickhead and turns on Hazel? Or maybe Hazel refuses to impart her wisdom because she wants the gift of eternal youth all to herself? There's many ways you could go with this.

If you like any of the ideas I'd be glad to speak to you through PMs and help you write the next installment :D.

[Christian Peterson]

I also really enjoy the detached balls concept!  It amplifies the vulnerability and helplessness while also allowing much more interesting scenarios since the guy's body doesn't get in the way.  Having someone absentmindedly put a ball in their back pocket and sit down not even realizing that somewhere across town someone is screaming.....?  Yes, please!

Thanks for the awesome story and hope to read more :D

[Balls2Bust]

Great! Wish they had more fun with his testicle tho, Im sure they could of gotten even more mean with it heh.

[Owen Divjerian]

Great story, hope to see more of it!