An Unexpected Night at the Bar

Note: Sorry for the length...guess it got away from me.

A sudden, sharp brightness cut through the dim light of the tavern. The few patrons bellied up to the bar grimaced at the siege of daylight and shielded their eyes in an attempt to see the root of such a brash intrusion. A woman glided inside, followed by a man who quickly closed the door in an effort to minimize the disruption caused by their entrance. As the dimness slowly crept back over the small room, and the regulars regained their equilibrium, the man gently held the woman’s hand leading her toward the bar where she eased onto a stool and motioned to the bartender. At the other end of the bar, Phil went back to his crossword puzzle, Ernie’s gaze returned to the television screen and Kristy rummaged through her purse, extracted a cigarette and flicked her lighter.

Closer to where the older couple situated themselves sat Rebecca and Ryan. Though it was a college town, Mario’s Pub catered more to townies, something that appealed to the younger couple. It was a welcome break from the meat markets surrounding campus and made for a quiet place to converse. Plus, Mario’s made one hell of an Italian grinder. Rebecca eyed the pair subtly while the townies simply shrugged them off.

They looked to be in their late forties to early fifties, but in very good shape. The woman was strawberry blonde and heavily freckled and she had adorable dimples when she smiled. The cropped denim jacket and blue jeans accented her bright blue eyes. She wore a white ribbed tank underneath her jacket and finished off her ensemble with glittering silver heels. The man looked a little older, but maybe that was due to the flecks of gray peppered in his shoulder length black hair and rugged stubble. He had dark eyes with a strong brow, square jaw and well-defined cheekbones. He definitely looked rugged in his black jeans and suede blazer. Rebecca especially liked his silver studded cowboy boots. They were quite an unusual pair in this dive bar. As he ordered an Old Fashioned for himself and a glass of merlot for her, Rebecca’s curiosity started to get the better of her.

She continued her conversation with Ryan so as not to get caught giving the pair a once over. As usual, Ryan didn’t even seem to notice their arrival. He was too deep in a rant about a paper he had due in a few days. Rebecca nodded along in the appropriate places but couldn’t help stealing glances at the newcomers and the ease with which they acclimated themselves.

After a few minutes the man excused himself and surveyed the juke box before depositing a bill and making a selection. Instantly, the room filled with a slow country tune. It had just the right feel for the mood inside. Rebecca watched as he motioned for the woman to join him in a dance. Ryan’ brain finally registered the split in Rebecca’s attention and he clipped his prattle and joined her, watching as the older couple swayed in rhythm.

When the song came to a close, the man gave the woman a little twirl and she spun away and then back to him. Rebecca couldn’t swear to it, but as the woman returned to him her knee seemed to disappear between his legs. His back was to Rebecca, but she saw him bend quickly at the waist as his broad shoulders bowed into a hunch. When he turned to escort his woman back to their stools, he led her with his right hand while his left lingered in his crotch.

She turned to Ryan and saw his face full of surprise. “Did you see that?” She asked.

“I’m not sure,” he answered in a tone that shared her puzzlement. “It looked like she gave him a quick knee in the groin right there at the end.” His voice lowering as the couple sat back down.

Rebecca leaned closer and whispered back, “I think we saw the same thing. It looked like he was walking a little more gingerly on the way back than he did before.”

Ryan nodded in agreement.

“I have to say, I’m more than a little intrigued. Let’s buy them a round,” she suggested.

Ryan flagged down Ed, the bartender, and told him to put the couple’s next round on his tab. Then he resumed talking as if he had simply pressed un-pause on some invisible remote controlling the conversation. After a few minutes, he could see that Rebecca was again clearly distracted as he caught her sneaking furtive glances at the woman.

Right about then, Ed brought the dancing couple a fresh round and when they went to pay, Ed just pointed a finger toward Ryan and walked away. The man raised his glass to Ryan and smiled before whispering something to his woman. Immediately she got up and walked around the end of the bar to where Rebecca and Ryan were sitting.

“Hi,” she said brightly, “I’m Sandy and this is my husband Rick.” She stuck out her hand to Rebecca while Rick did the same to Ryan.

“Pleased to meet you,” Rick said. “Sure was nice of y’all to buy us a round.”

Releasing Rick’s hand, Ryan said likewise and offered them a seat. “Thanks for the entertainment,” he added.

“We don’t get a lot of dancing in here,” Rebecca added as Sandy grabbed her purse and moved onto the stool next to Rebecca. “It’s a real breath of fresh air in here,” as she nodded her head toward Kristy’s cigarette smoldering in an ashtray.

“It does seem kinda dead,” Sandy said, and Rebecca could hear the slight twang in her voice. “We just dropped our daughter off for her first year of college.”

“And then you came here?” Ryan asked, not hiding his surprise.

“Well,” Rick interjected, “we were out for a walk and just stumbled on this place and thought we’d give her a go. I’m sure Rachel, our daughter, doesn’t want us interfering with her affairs tonight, so we’re steering clear of campus.”

“Don’t look so surprised, Sweetie,” Sandy said to Rebecca. “We’re no strangers to dive bars. Just ‘coz we’re old doesn’t mean we can’t live it up.” She broke into a lilting laugh and tossed her long, wavy locks.

The foursome, sharing an easy comportment, were soon deep in conversation about Rachel, college, careers and all the other stuff that comes with new acquaintances. As they talked, a few more locals trickled in, but none paid them any mind. It was closer to a cozy den than a stale townie bar, except for the fact that Ed dropped by with more drinks every so often – with the libations keeping the chatter fast and loose.

As the conversation veered back toward Rachel, Rebecca asked Sandy if she knew the girl’s schedule. Sandy nodded and started rattling off the class list. One in particular caught Rebecca’s attention.

“Rhetoric 102?” She interjected.

“Yeah,” Sandy answered. “She didn’t seem to keen on that one. But apparently it’s a requirement.”

“Ryan and I met in that class!” She shot Ryan a quick smile and he grinned in return. “It took him all semester before he finally worked up the nerve to ask me out. I think my sassiness, which grew exponentially as the course wore on, must’ve pushed him over the edge.”

Rick chuckled softly and Sandy grinned, “Sounds like we have something in common, Sweetie. God knows I can be a little sassy.”

As Rebecca slapped palms with Sandy, Ryan asked, “So how did you two meet?”

Rick’s eyebrows raised and he gave Sandy a long look before she said, “Yes, Honey, how did we get together?”

He sighed. “We also met in college. We dated on and off for a few years. I wasn’t ready for anything serious – just wanted to play the field. I was young and full of myself,” he said with a reflective smile, running a hand through his now graying hair, “but eventually, I finally committed.”

“And why did you finally commit?” Sandy prodded, twirling her finger for him to go on.

A little color crept up his neck and he gave her a “sure-we-should-go-there?” grin. “You really want me tell them?”

Sandy nodded heartily as she could see Rebecca was on the edge of her seat, and Ryan seemed to share her eagerness.

“Well…” he continued, “it might shock y’all, but I’ll just lay it out there.” He looked each one of them in the eyes before settling back on Sandy. “I knew Sandy was the one for me when she kicked me in the groin.”

Sandy beamed. Ryan gulped. Rebecca nearly slid off her stool and made an odd snorting sound trying to stifle a laugh. “She kicked you in the balls and you thought, ‘Yep, she’s for me’? That’s crazy!” Though, in her heart, she didn’t think it was crazy at all.

Rick gave her an oddly confident smile. “I kinda deserved it. We were at a house party my senior year, Sandy’s junior year, during a stretch where we were together. We were upstairs making out a little and I told her I thought we should break up again since I was going to be graduating soon. I didn’t know how the future would play out. She took it pretty calmly, or so I thought. Told me she had to go downstairs and get another beer. I followed her down to get one myself, but to my surprise she veered away from the kitchen and cut through the crowded living toward the front door. She turned back and saw me and gave me the strangest look. It was like she was disappointed and, yet, eerily stoic all at the same time. I guess I felt the need to explain myself, so I walked toward her. Right when I got close I saw her grit her teeth and narrow her eyes. I stopped, completely surprised. Then she just gave me a really, and I mean really, hard kick right in my testicles.”

Sandy cut in, “Oh you should’ve seen him drop. Like a stone. He just curled up at my feet, grabbing at his crotch, making these horrible moaning sounds. Gawd, it looked like complete agony – which is what he deserved. It felt so great to see him writhing around holding himself.” She put her own hands between her legs and scrunched up her face in imitation.

Rick couldn’t keep himself from laughing at her adorable imitation of his pathetically pained expression. “Yeah, it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. I truly thought she broke my balls. Don’t worry, son, turns out I was fine,” he said to Ryan, whose face had gone a little gray.

Sandy noticed Rebecca’s big eyes and wide smile, despite her trying to cover it with a hand. “You don’t have to be bashful, Sweetie, Rick’s alright with it. You’re not embarrassed, aren’t you big boy?” She punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“I’m not embarrassed to tell it, no, but I’ll admit I was pretty red-faced at the time. You shoulda heard the cat calls and guffaws spread across that living room. And if I recall correctly, more than a few girls gave Sandy a high five,” he said, giving Sandy a questioning look.

“You remember right. The girls were quite ecstatic about my little stunt. I doubt there was a gal there who didn’t wish she was me at some point. I think I really shocked ‘em when I didn’t just leave him there clutching his nuts,” she said, giving Rebecca a wink. “I just stood over Rick until he seemed to calm a bit and then I grabbed his hands away from his groin, yanked him to his feet and led him out the door before he had a chance to say anything.”

Finally, Ryan added his two cents, “That had to hurt.”

“Of course it hurt. Thought I covered that pretty good,” Sandy retorted. “Guess you’ve never had a girl kick you in the balls before!” At this, Rebecca burst out in a fit of laughter as Sandy shot her a sidelong glance.

“Not the kick,” Ryan responded. “I meant when you yanked him up and made him walk out.”

He could see a light bulb pop on in Sandy’s head and immediately regretted giving himself away.

“And just why would you think that part hurt, Sweetie?” Sandy asked coyly.

“I…well…uh, it just seems kind of abrupt,” he stammered as Sandy cocked her head, taking in his reaction before she responded.

“I will say one thing. It sure was hard to support his weight as we left. He was leaning on me like a ton of bricks.”

“My legs were jelly and the pain radiating in my gut totally sapped my strength,” Rick admitted.

Rebecca chimed in, looking squarely at Rick. “So what was it about Sandy kicking you in the balls that made you want to be with her?”

“For starters, the fact that she stuck around to walk me home and didn’t leave me there in a heap helped,” he began. “As mad as she was, there was an underlying tenderness that really shocked me. I was pretty pissed off, too, but her gentle manner calmed me down. Plus I didn’t really want to take another kick from her. My boys were hurting bad enough. She asked if I was going to be okay and seemed genuinely concerned about my well-being – which surprised me. When I said I thought I would she gave me a big smile. It was a short walk to my apartment, so we didn’t talk too much, but I’ll never forget what she said when we reached it. She said, ‘We’ll talk about this in the morning, but I want you to concentrate on really feeling the pain tonight – “

“ – and reflect on how a woman can hurt you with a swift kick to your balls,” Sandy joined in.

Rebecca clapped her hands together, “That’s awesome! So did you?”

“By the time Sandy came over the next morning, my balls didn’t hurt at all, but I did think about how much it had hurt and what had happened. I wrestled with some conflicting thoughts all night. One moment I wanted to be super angry and tell her to fuck off – excuse my language – but then I found myself entirely attracted to her. It stands to reason that I should be mad, but the fact that I had this strong desire for her really confused me. In the end, I decided to be open about my thoughts.”

Sandy slid her jacket off, revealing toned and freckled arms, and, as Ryan noticed, very youthful, round breasts. Not as big as Rebecca’s, but they sat high and seemed quite large on her small frame. She swept back her long hair and picked up the narrative.

“I was surprised to find Rick in such a humble mood. I figured he’d be pretty upset and want to tell me off. I’ll admit, I was prepared to deliver another blow to his manhood if that was the case. But he invited me in, sat me down on the couch and brought me a cup of coffee. I could tell his balls weren’t hurting much as he moved easily from the living room to the kitchen and back. He told me that while he was mad at first, he discovered that he was now feeling like breaking up might be a bad idea. He said that strangely, it felt good – not in a physical sense – that I kicked him in the balls. He felt vulnerable and embarrassed, but that the way I stuck with him and helped him get through it really resonated with him. Girl power wasn’t much of thing then, but that’s what he was going on about. He liked that I could, and would, hurt him in such a sensitive and sensual way, but that I also didn’t walk away. Plus he said I looked sexy as hell standing over him, gloating.” Sandy shrugged her shoulders and gave Rick a playful smirk.

“We’re not making you uncomfortable, are we?” Rick asked as the image of Sandy standing triumphantly over his writhing body imprinted itself in their minds.

“Well – “ Ryan began before Rebecca cut him off.

“Not at all!” She said excitedly.

The concern in Rick’s face faded and he added, “Sometimes the alcohol has a tendency to override my filter.”

Rebecca reached over and pushed his glass closer. “By all means, drink up.” He obliged by taking a hearty swig.

Sandy took the opportunity to do a little probing herself. “You seem pretty into this whole thing,” she said to Rebecca, who nodded and gave a wide grin. “And, I think, if I read Ryan correctly, you’ve had a little experience with it, too.” Her voice lilted higher at the end, making the statement more of a question, and gave Rebecca a light pat on her knee.

Rebecca laughed. “It’s funny that you patted my knee, considering it’s what I introduced him to on our first date.”

Sandy let out a feigned gasp of surprise. “Do tell,” she implored as Rick gave an affirming nod.

“After Ryan finally got the nerve to ask me out – and I was really glad he did because I’d been keeping my eye on him all semester – I didn’t want to waste any time finding out if he was my ‘style’. Driving over to his place, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but I figured my feminine instincts would lead the way. I wore a rather provocative dress, at least by my standards, so I was pretty sure he’d be a little distracted right off the bat.”

Ryan couldn’t stop himself from jumping in. “This is the girl who wore big baggy hoodies to class every day. So when she showed up in that dress, to say I was distracted was an understatement.”

Sandy eyed Rebecca hard. “Well, even in a baggy sweatshirt she couldn’t have kept those big boobs hidden.” She squeezed her own perky breasts together. “I don’t think the both of these would fill one of her cups,” she said with admiration as Rick gave a soft chuckle.

Rebecca’s face flushed. “You flatter me.”

“I don’t think flatter is the appropriate word for you, darling. There’s nothing flat going on under that shirt,” Sandy laughed.

Ryan shifted in his seat, hoping no one see him adjust the slight growth in his pants. All this emphasis on such shapely bosoms was getting his blood flowing. And the fact that Rebecca grabbed his inner thigh as she threw her head back in laughter only helped his hard-on along.

“Right,” Rebecca said, composing herself. “Anyway, when Ryan opened the door, I could see his jaw hit the metaphorical floor, and I knew the dress was the right choice. Then it hit me – what to do – and I pulled him tight against my breasts in a big hug. As he was pressed against me, I stepped back and rammed my knee right into his balls. I got ‘em square, too. He fought valiantly to stay on his feet, but I could tell by his face which went from complete shock to utter agony, he was done for. As a reward for taking such a vicious knee, I pulled his head onto my chest and let him use my breasts as a pillow. I felt him struggle for breath for a few seconds before letting him slide to his knees. I stood there, giving him some time to recover, and after what felt like hours, he finally looked up at me. The look on his face was priceless. I thought he was going to be in a rage, but he just looked so helpless and betrayed. He’s a big, strong guy, but he looked so weak in that moment, on his knees looking up at me while clutching his balls. I think there were even a few tears rolling down his cheeks and he was definitely quivering a little,” Rebecca exhaled a happy little sigh.

“Wow, Sweetie,” Sandy cooed appreciatively, “that must’ve been amazing!”

“Boy, sounds like she nailed you good,” Rick added, rubbing Ryan’s shoulder in sympathy. “What were you thinking?”

“I was totally dazed,” Ryan began, shaking his head at the brutal memory. “I was too surprised to be angry and I remember thinking ‘what the hell?’ I asked her why she did it, and, no pun intended, she floored me by saying I needed it. She said all guys needed a woman to kick them in the balls. I told her that was bullshit. But she just laughed and said I’d come around to see it her way.”

“And have you?” Sandy asked.

“It took him awhile,” Rebecca jumped in, “but I think he has.” She giggled to herself and then realized Rick and Sandy might want in on the joke. “It’s not like it was a one-time thing. I bust Ryan’s balls all the time. In fact – and this is what I was laughing about – once I kicked his balls so hard I had to take him to the hospital.”

Rick and Sandy gasped in unison, cringing.

“It gets worse,” Ryan added. “After the doctor – a woman, by the way – said I was going to be fine, she gave Rebecca a prescription.”

“A prescription? To Rebecca?” Rick asked mystified.

“Yeah. It just said for her to wait a week and then kick me in the balls again. What kind of sick prescription is that?!”

“I bet she did,” Sandy said as she crossed her legs and made a little kicking motion with her foot.

“Actually,” Rebecca said, “I was too nervous to kick him again. I mean, his testicles were super swollen for days.”

“But then, out of the blue, the doctor called me in for a check-up,” Ryan said, picking up the story. “We went and the doctor was not real happy with Rebecca. She said Rebecca needed to reinforce my belief that I would be just fine, which is why she prescribed the follow-up kick. So she had me stand there while Rebecca kicked my balls.”

“What could I do,” Rebecca said with a shrug. “Doctor’s orders, right? So I kicked him good and hard. I could totally feel his balls squish. I noticed the doctor, a very sexy blonde, looked a little left out. Since I was riding a bit of a high, I offered her a go. Let’s just say she was no amateur. Her aim was dead on and when her foot connected, it made a loud thwack. I thought Ryan was going to throw up for sure. But he didn’t. Evidently, I’ve built up some tolerance in my man.” At this she patted Ryan’s thigh approvingly.

“That might be the craziest thing I’ve ever heard,” Sandy said. And then, turning to Rick, “Maybe we need to schedule you a doctor’s visit.” She winked at him as he just shook his head.

Ed brought another round of drinks, not waiting for them to order, and as Rick picked up his drink, he said, “I just want to say thanks again for being so welcoming. I couldn’t have dreamed this up in a million years. It’s rare to find another couple who sees things the way we do! And to think, all it took was a little dance.”

“It wasn’t exactly the dance,” Rebecca confessed.

Sandy shot Rick a quick glance and his eyes told her he got the drift.

“It was the end of the dance, wasn’t it?” Sandy coaxed.

“We thought you might have given Rick a little knee when we saw him walking a little gingerly after it. Plus, his hand seemed to be lingering quite close to his junk,” Rebecca admitted.

“Keen eyes, little lady,” Rick said. “Sandy likes to catch me by surprise sometimes. It was nothing hard, but she got my boys clean. Say –“ he broke off, looking at Ryan, “you still seem a little shy on the subject.”

Despite chiming in every so often, Ryan definitely appeared to be the least enamored with the conversation. “It’s a little weird to get so personal, so fast on such a, uh, delicate subject. Not that I think you’re weird,” he added hastily. “It’s just that I’ve only ever talked to Rebecca about this stuff.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s weird,” Rebecca said. “I’m glad we finally get to share this with someone else. Don’t you, Sandy?”

“I do! Rick and I talk about it a lot, and sometimes I get into it at girls night out, but I can understand Ryan’s point of view. But I do think he shares our view on the matter.”

Ryan brightened a little at Sandy’s understanding. “So you think like Rebecca, eh? You think men need to get their balls busted by a woman?”

“Oh absolutely!” Sandy gushed. “You men have gotten away with murder for far too long. It’s time for us girls to show you who really has the upper hand. You need us to kick you in the balls and keep on kicking you in the balls to help you recognize your vulnerability. The unbearable pain and terrible ache that comes when we smash your testicles – instant humbling.”

Rick nodded. “Besides the mental and emotional reminder of the power women have, there’s also something beautiful in the physical act, too. The visual of a petite woman, face to face against the looming frame of a large man. The confidence in her eyes, the devilish smile or stern anger as she gazes into his fearful eyes. We’ve been led to believe that she should be afraid and that he should be confident. But a real man knows what she’s capable of and it terrifies him. And he’ll take it, too, whatever she wants to give him. So she draws back her leg and swings it forward in a graceful arc as he braces himself for the hammer to fall. Her foot drives into his groin and crushes his balls, lifting him off his feet. He drops to his knees and can’t keep from cupping his anguished balls as they radiate stabbing pain throughout his body. He is completely helpless as the woman towers over him, reveling in the torturous agony he displays. He curls up at her feet, and there, in that moment, she sees his strength. Respect shines in her eyes because she knows he’s man enough to accept what she delivers. He adores the woman who has just crushed his balls.”

Rebecca broke into a soft clap and Sandy joined her. “That. Was. Amazing. I couldn’t have said it better myself!”

“I agree,” Ryan added, and realized the bulge in his pants confirmed his sentiments.

Rick blushed, “Aw, shucks. Thanks y’all.”

Sandy leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. “You are my real man.”

As she reached back for her jacket, Rick noticed his drink was almost drained. “This might have to be my last one. You kids can probably handle this mass consumption better than us old folks,” he said.

“Well then. Let’s have a toast,” Rebecca said, lifting her glass.

“To new friends,” Ryan started.

“To new experiences,” Ricked added.

“To us girls, always kicking your balls. And to you guys, always getting your balls kicked!” Sandy finished, gleefully clinking glasses as Rebecca busted out in laughter.

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