A Night at the Theater

[Joe S]

Jesse pulled a black blazer from a hanger in his closet, letting it dangle momentarily on his index finger. Was he really going to go to some stupid community theater just to get in the pants of some girl? He slipped on the jacket, adjusted the collar and stroked his chin. He could see from the reflection that he would fit right in with the theater crowd, but inside, he felt like an imposter. At least it was still considered fashionable to wear sneakers with a blazer.

When he arrived at Sara’s she was ready to go, which, by Jesse’s memory, was the first time that had ever happened with any of his dates. He waited outside on her doorstep as she put the flowers he’d brought into a vase, and admired the way her short sundress swished about her firm derriere as she strode inside. This might totally be worth it, he thought to himself as she bent over a table, gently placing the bouquet while inadvertently exposing her satin bra along with the heavy breasts that filled it.

“They’re beautiful,” she sang, flashing him a wide smile of gleaming teeth framed by ruby lips. “Thank you so much!” She pulled the front door shut and breezed past him. “C’mon,” she teased, tossing him a smile. “We don’t want to be late.”

Though it was only their third date, Jesse still didn’t feel like he had a good grasp on Sara’s interests. Obviously she liked theater, something she’d mentioned before, and he knew she liked other arty type stuff, but he was surprised to find out she had also played lacrosse in high school. With her willowy build and too-big-for-her-frame breasts, lacrosse didn’t seem like a good fit. But then he remembered her toned ass and muscular calves and changed his mind. Still, running couldn’t be easy for her. He let an eye wander over her chest, just to verify his assumption. Damn, he thought, I hope I can get my hands on those tonight.

“Jesse!” Sara shouted, breaking his trance.

He looked up just in time to veer back into his lane and avoid a head-on collision. “Sorry,” he mumbled, a bit shaken. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” He was relieved when Sara began babbling right where she’d left off.

As it turned out, she knew some of the cast members and was good friends with the writer of the play they were going to see. Sara hadn’t seen it yet, but she’d read the script. It was a romantic drama – just the sound of those two words “romantic drama” nearly made Jesse turn the car around – featuring a hard luck girl trying to recover from a toxic relationship.

“It’s not as bad as sounds,” Sara said, noticing Jesse’s eyes roll. “Just give it a chance.”

They arrived with enough time to grab a glass of wine before the show started and Jesse considered a second but Sara was already pulling him into the auditorium and down the aisle to their second row seats. It really does help to be friends with the playwright, Jesse thought.

The play started slow but built intensity as it progressed. At one point, Jesse felt like he was suffocating with all the tension in the room. Fortunately, intermission came at just the right time and he was able to go outside and clear his head while Sara went off to find her friend.

The second act felt unbearable to Jesse, especially the bedroom scene, which was fraught with insecurity and conflict. He found his mind drifting until an elbow nudged his rib cage. He glanced at Sara but she appeared to be entranced in the scene. Had she really elbowed him, he wondered? He looked back to the stage and saw the female lead, Cybil, blast her love interest dead in the groin. Ramon, the unfortunate recipient of Cybil’s hard knee, staggered to the bed and crumbled onto it, howling as Cybil stood there smirking at him.

Jesse gaped. Jesus, he thought, was that acting or did she really hit him? He looked around but nobody seemed to bat an eye, though it was hard to tell in the dark. He did sense the energy level in the room spike, though, like a surge of electricity.

Refocused, Jesse watched the remainder of the play but never could quite connect with any of the characters. It had a happy ending – though not the kind he was hoping for from Sara later in the evening – yet somehow, it didn’t really ring true to Jesse. Judging from the audience applause, though, everyone else must have disagreed with him, including Sara.

As they filed out of the theater, Sara managed to grab her friend, Gabrielle and introduced Jesse to her.

“Gabs,” Sara said, “this is my date, Jesse.”

Jesse took her hand and was impressed with what he saw. Gabrielle’s dark complexion was smooth and youthful, her hand soft and lithe in his. She had deep brown eyes that seemed to spiral into infinity and long lashes that only emphasized their beauty.

“I hope you enjoyed our little production,” Gabrielle said, her voice as velvety as her skin.

“It was quite moving,” Jesse lied. “The acting was terrific, but the dialogue even better.”

Gabrielle looked at Sara. “Well, doesn’t he just know the right words to say?”

Sara blushed and beamed. “He’s a smooth one. Anyway, we’ll let you get to your mingling. Great job. We’ll talk soon,” she said, wagging a thumb and pinky near her ear.

When they got outside, Sara suggested they go to a small wine bar around the corner. “It’s never crowded,” she coaxed. “We’ll probably have the place to ourselves.”

She was right. They grabbed a booth in the back and split a bottle of some red blend Sara swore by. The waiter brought it over, let Sara taste it, and then poured two glasses.

After he’d gone, Sara looked hard at Jesse. “So it was ‘quite moving’, huh? So moving that you nearly fell asleep?”

Jesse’s eyes dropped and he stared into his glass wondering if he could dive in and hide until the storm in Sara’s eyes blew over.

Seeing his embarrassment, Sara dropped the hard edge from her tone and tried again, softer this time. “Seriously, I know it started slow, but what did you really think?”

Jesse sipped his wine – really very delicious he had to admit – and looked at her eager face. “Actually, I wasn’t lying when I said it was well acted and well-written. I get that it was slow. Recovery from a bad relationship isn’t a quick thing – very nuanced and filled with drama. The pacing mirrored the process quite well. It’s just not the kind of thing I usually go for.”

“Well, I appreciate you making the effort,” she said. “And for dressing up. You look very dashing.”

“You look damn good yourself, Sara,” he said with an absolute sincerity that made her blush again. “So, did you like it?” He asked, changing the subject before he said something brash about how nice and big her tits looked in that dress.

Sara smiled thoughtfully. “I did think it was a little slow but, wow, that one scene was great, don’t you think?”

Taking the bait, Jesse asked, “What scene?”

“When they were in the bedroom and Cybil kneed Ramon right in the balls! Wasn’t that awesome?”

Jesse noticed Sara’s wine glass shaking in her hand, the deep purple liquid nearly spilling over the brim as she trembled with excitement. Suddenly, he felt a little uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and stared blankly across the table at Sara.

When he didn’t respond, Sara prodded, “You didn’t think that was a nice touch? I mean, Ramon totally disrespected her. Most women would probably have just slapped him, but I don’t think that would’ve made her point nearly as good as kneeing him did.” Sara flicked a strand of blond hair from her face and leaned forward, letting her breasts rest heavily on the table top, in a way that told Jesse she knew full well what she was doing.

Jesse stared into her cleavage for a moment, admiring their firmness as they pressed against the table, and then looked up to Sara’s eyes. She was glowing, the light over the booth capturing the platinum blonde streaks in her hair so that her head looked on fire. Her eyes were shining, the blue of her iris deepened to near cobalt. Her intensity was palpable. He gulped hard.

“I think it’s so great when a woman asserts herself like that,” Sara continued, adding gasoline to the fire of his obvious shock and discomfort. “There’s nothing better than when a woman gives it to some asshole right in the nuts. It’s like she takes all the emotional pain his callous ass has caused her, ties it up in a nice bow and then delivers it back to him via her knee, somehow transforming it into a very real and tangible physical pain he can’t help but feel.” She leaned back, folding her arms under her breasts and smiled at Jesse.

“I…well…I…uh,” Jesse began before his mouth clamped shut. He could only stare at Sara in absolute bewilderment. Something in the back of his mind told him to calmly get up, drop some cash on the table, and then make a beeline for his car. His legs, however, refused to listen and he stayed frozen where he sat. Refusing to let him off the hook, Sara stared back, unblinking, while a wry smirk curled at the corners of her mouth.

Forcing his arms to stop trembling, Jesse reached out and grabbed his wine glass and took a very long drink. He set the empty glass down and sat back eyes closed. It didn’t take long for the alcohol to permeate and he was buffeted by the liquid courage.

He decided to go on the offensive. He leaned toward the table, gripping the marble top with both hands. “What in the actual fuck?! Are you serious right now?” He could feel sweat beads break out on his face and knew he was turning red.

Sara, undaunted by Jesse’s attack, merely laughed in his face. “Oh, Jesse, relax,” she said with obvious condescension. “You’d think I’d just touched a nerve there. Do you have some personal experience with this sort of thing or something?”

“What? Why, I never,” he sputtered. “How can you even ask that?”

“Gee, I don’t know,” Sara mocked. “Maybe because you just got super defensive and outraged right out of the blue?”

Jesse snorted. “I’m on a date with a girl who thinks hitting a guy in his privates is okay – no, check that, not just okay, but totally reasonable! You think I should be completely cool with that?” The growl in his tone came out like a roaring whisper. He fully expected Sara to shrink back in her seat. Instead, she leaned in putting her face an inch from his and held it there.

The couple sat for a moment, neither moving a muscle, both staring hard into each other’s eyes. Suddenly, Sara leaned in further and planted a kiss on Jesse’s lips. Surprisingly, or not, he didn’t resist.

When she pulled away, Sara couldn’t help herself. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

Jesse looked at her, still somewhat dazed by her (very pleasant) surprise attack. Deep inside it dawned on him that she’d used a line he’d dropped on previous girlfriends many times and having the tables turned on him actually tickled his funny bone. A chuckle sprung like the first drips of water from a leaky dam before erupting into full blown laughter. “That’s a good, one, Sara,” he said between laughs, wiping tears from his eyes.

Once he’d composed himself, he asked if she wanted to get out of there. That little kiss, and the way Sara was flaunting her curves, had awakened the frisky side of him. Sara finished off the last of her wine and said sure.

They talked a little music, a little movies – nothing serious – on the drive back to Sara’s. When they pulled up, Jesse walked Sara to her door and they made more frivolous chit chat. As she dug her keys out of her purse, the neckline of her dress plunged and when she stood, she didn’t bother to pull it back into place. Jesse took the show of cleavage as a good sign. He leaned in and kissed her and she returned it.

After a few minutes, Sara said, “I really should get inside.” She unlocked the door and took a step in. Jesse stared at her with longing puppy dog eyes. When Sara didn’t ask him in, he pressed his luck.

“That’s it? You’re just going to send me home?” He tried to sound nonplussed but it sounded lame in his ears.

Sara cocked her head and stared at him as if debating with herself. Finally, she took his hands in hers and looked at him. “Jesse, there’s something you should know.”

He looked at her quizzically and then his eyes went large. “Wait! Are you actually a man?”

She chuckled. “No, this is all one hundred percent woman,” Sara said, using her arms to showcase her body like Vanna White on the Wheel of Fortune. “However, this may be worse.” She waited a beat before continuing, giving Jesse time to brace himself. “Thing is, I never get with a guy unless – “ she broke off again. When Jesse’s eyes told her to get on with it, she admitted frankly, “Well, unless I’ve kicked him in the balls.” Sara let go of Jesse’s hands expecting him to cut and run.

Instead he asked, this time calmly and sincerely, “You serious?” He looked at her with genuine curiosity, adding, “No judgments.”

Sara offered a cautious smile. “I am serious. It’s a thing with me.” As she spoke, Jesse saw her hand rubbing involuntarily on the inside of her left thigh, which pinched up her dress and gave him a good idea what was underneath – namely, no panties, or at the very least, a thong.

Between the alcohol, the kiss, Sara’s bountiful cleavage and now this, Jesse’s lust was nearing full throttle. He couldn’t stop himself. “So you’re saying you’ll only invite me in if you can kick me there?”

Sara’s smile widened and she nodded enthusiastically.

Jesse inhaled deeply and then let his breath come out slowly as he scratched his head absently. “Fuck it,” he said, “How bad can it be?” Anything to get his hands on her lush bosom, he thought.

It was bad, much worse than he could have ever imagined.

As soon as ‘be’ left his mouth, Sara had taken a step back with her left foot. Immediately she drew back her right leg and swung it forward with great force. Her foot, with its dainty pink toenails encased by strappy, black heels that crisscrossed all the way up her ankle, crushed his testicles.

Jesse issued a deep groan and then sank to his knees. Sara made no move to break his fall. After a brief second, he dropped to all fours and that’s when Sara reached under his arms and dragged him inside. She closed the door as he curled into the fetal position.

His pain was plain to see as his face went beet red and sweat poured from his forehead. He rocked gently with his hands between his legs. His breath came in heaving gulps.

Sara watched him struggle, aroused by his utter anguish. She thought to herself just how great it was that men were made in such a wonderfully terrible way. Such sensitive little organs, so completely unprotected, she mused. And wasn’t it just perfect that a woman could so easily point this out whenever she chose to with a simple kick to his vulnerable balls.

[Tom & Delilah]

Love it!!!!

[CC]

If there was a hidden easter egg that tied this to the cannon universe I missed it.  Still enjoyed the tale!

[Joe S]

Thanks all! @CC - I think it ties in, but there's no Easter egg that's decipherable. If I can get more than an hour of free time (sigh) I would love to bring it together...and I do know how it all fits.