Maybe your ballbusting fantasy is best left a fantasy

[charles stone]

Just want to share my story with guys who want to be busted but have not yet done it. I fantasized about it for years. I'm a married man whose wife would do it once in a while, but not as hard as I'd like. I wanted to get a girl who would kick, stomp and crush my balls brutally and without mercy. So one day a year ago I come up with the bright idea to find a dominatrix in my area. It wasn't hard to do, you can find anything you want on the internet. I saw one domme, then another shortly after. I was instantly hooked. I loved what the second girl did to me, and she was good looking too. I began seeing her on average, every two weeks at over $200 a session. I could not stop. I became addicted to what she does, the pain, the pleasure I got from it. I only took a longer break of four weeks between sessions when my balls had taken such beatings in a short period of time that the skin busted open during a session and I bled heavily. Even then I refused to stop. Simply put, getting my balls severely beaten is like crack to me. I can't stop, even if I wanted to. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining here. It's my choice to keep going, I don't want to stop. I absolutely love it! However, now a year later, it consumes my thoughts constantly. I see other aspects of my life suffering because it is all I think about. But that doesn't stop me. I am now seeing six different dommes because one or two or three wasn't enough. None of them know about the others, so it's like juggling six girlfriends and a wife. I have spent about $4,000 this past year to get my nuts pummeled by girls with stiletto heels. Again, it is my choice to do this, I don't want to stop. But I also know that if I wanted to stop, I could not. I am a ballbusting addict if there is such a thing. So, bottom line, be careful what you wish for. I'm not saying everyone would be as addicted as me, but I never thought I would be either.

[Mistress Deadly Desires]

Any of thee activities can become like this, cross dressing, spanking, fisting. They all have the potential to become an addiction. However the key here is to know that you are addicted and you clearly do. I must confess that my life is ruled by BDSM i live it, work it dream it. Almost everything I do is kink/fetish/ bdsm related, except for walking the dogs. Just remember to take a break from time to time you will appreciate each busting more if you have a good break in between and you won't break your bank :-P

[charles stone]

There lies my problem. I can't take a break. In the last year my longest break was four weeks. The desire and the need for a session is too great. The combination of my high heel fetish and my ballbusting fetish is too much to resist. I enjoy getting kicked directly in the balls with the toe of the shoes, but what I truly can't resist is having them stepped on and crushed underneath the sole of nice pair of stilettos. That to me is the greatest feeling and I can't seem to live without it. Let me put it this way, I had a session last week, I have another in 11 days, and another scheduled for two weeks after that. And even that wasn't enough, I wanted to schedule another before my next one. The only reason I didn't is because my next session is a two hour session and I wanted my balls to be fully healed for it. I don't want them to bleed only half way through. Not that I care if they bleed, but I don't want her to stop the session. I've had a session where the domme actually liked the blood so she kept going. She had open toe heels on and when we were done, her feet were covered in my ball blood. For the session after the two hour one, just having one domme is not enough, so that will be a double domme session. I know all of this kicking, stomping and crushing can't be good, but I don't care, I need it. I realize at this point my fetishes have taken control of my life and I am going to seek professional help.

[Beaten13]

Well...even walking the dogs could have many meanings! ;) Just kidding. :)

[Maskedguy 1.7]

thanks for your advice.

[Andrew R]

I haven't replied to you for a year Charles but it sounds like ur stil alive :-)

[charles stone]

What's up Andrew! I know it's been a long time. I had technical problems and for some reason was unable to post anything. So I gave up and disappeared for a while. As you can tell by my post here, I've been very busy. I've done the math and I figure in the last year, I've been kicked in the nuts well over 3,000 times. Plus all the stomping and crushing. I'm amazed I have any balls left, and I can't believe they still function! I guess it proves that balls are tougher than most people think. I am curious what my sperm count is now. Probably zero. Lol. Of course now I have a new problem, as I stated in my post, but I'll work through it. Right now I'm just looking forward to my session next Sunday!

So how have you been over the last year?

[Bblove]

Try SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) or something similar, there is probably a group that meets in your area, there are others but this fellowship allows you to set your own "bottom lines" (sexual and other behavior that is self destructive) and "top lines" (sexual and other behavior that is healthy for you).  Other fellowships have strict definitions of what is considered healthy sex, and can be discriminatory towards alternative lifestyle choices.  Its a 12 step program based on the AA model.  Here is a link:

http://www.slaafws.org/meetings

Also, if you choose the therapy route, which I would recommend in addition to a 12 step program, I suggest picking a therapist that specializes in sex addiction or compulsive sexual behavior.  Also you may want to consider a "kink aware" therapist, most will likely be familiar with fetishes and compulsive sexual behavior, here's a link:

https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory...

I'm an alcoholic and a sex addict.  AA got me sober from drugs and alcohol, I have over two years now and my life is infinitely better for it.  During my drinking and drugging I was basically doing what you're doing, but by the end managed to find a 20 year old hostess with a crazy/sadistic streak  who didn't care I was married to put my balls through the ringer too.  After I got sober from drugs and alcohol and didn't have them to dull the guilt of being unfaithful to a woman who was the best thing in my life (by the end the guilt would break through even the darkest blackouts by the end) I knew I needed help with my sex addiction.  

In my case the truth eventually came out anyway when I was about 6 months sober.   My sex addiction cost me my marriage.  We really tried to work through it, I did SLAA for over a year, attended meetings 5 times a week, got a sponsor, worked steps, saw a therapist, explored the origins of my fetish, all the shitty thoughts and emotions that go with any addiction, and my wife worked with me and helped me a lot, read up on addiction, and was there to tell me she loved me, even if she hated the things I had done.  But in the end too much damage had been done.  

The way I see it my marriage was always gonna end, a person doesn't get to drink, drug and cheat like I did and get away with it in the end without consequences, but I am immensely grateful I was sober and had the support of AA, SLAA, my therapist, and my wife to get through it.  It's because I was sober and working a program (AA and SLAA) during that difficult time that we remain friends and still love each other even though we just can't keep the marriage going at this point.

I did SLAA for over a year but stopped it and therapy, but still work an AA program.  I keep in touch with some of the other sex addicts I met in the program and reach out or hit a meeting when I need support.  But I slip still (only one big one in two years), but when I do I can be honest with people, real people actually in my life and who care about me that I met in these fellowships,  so it doesn't have to spiral out of control like before.  SLAA helped me immensely even if I lost the marriage, and while I still struggle with my sex addiction, I've stopped letting it control my life to the degree it once did, and if things get too dicey I know where to go and what to do.   

I needed consequences to really face my problem, I had to hit a bottom.  You don't have to hit the bottom I did. Think of addiction like a hole you're digging, your bottom can be the place you decide to stop digging, and to get help instead.

Good luck.

[Bblove]

Also check out some literature by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., he is basically the foremost authority on sex addiction, he literally wrote the book on it (two actually):

Out of the Shadows

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1568386214/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=350...

and

Don't Call it Love

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Call-Love-Recovery-Addiction/dp/05533513...

Probably not nearly as helpful, but, there's also a great movie about recovery from sex addiction called Thanks for Sharing.