Dear Sasha,
I have the unfortunate enjoyment of a very painful fetish. I enjoy
being kicked/kneed/otherwise-struck in the groin by women whom I find
attractive. I don’t mean CBT with its overly gentle flicks and pokes. I
mean doubled-over, down on my knees, and/or making funny noises because
some hot thang let loose on my manhood. If she does it in the new shoes
we picked out together, all the better.
My problems are not with my fetish. Closing in on 40, I am old enough to have accepted my enjoyment of the
fetish years ago. My problems are with partners’ understanding of it.
Pro doms accuse me of topping from the bottom. I’ll agree with them on
that one, because SM is sexy and all, but I do like to do something
while on my knees. Giving head, for example, is nice.
In my experience, prostitutes just get freaked out by the fetish. Strippers seem to love the idea, but that
limits what pleasure I can offer them. My best luck has been with
friends and drinking companions who are angry with their lovers or have
a mean streak. That last one is fine when I can get it, but I certainly
would like to work the fetish into a sexual relationship that does not
charge by the hour. Can you think of any way to broach the subject with
an otherwise normal person?
Meanwhile, any columnist I can find who writes about testicle abuse always highlights the importance of not
striking for safety and health reasons. Given my own experience to date
and that of like-fetished individuals on the web, sexual enjoyment is
less than complete without the oomph. I would rather not do penetration
or oral than do either without a straight-up kick to the balls. The
rest of BDSM play is all window dressing around the moments leading up
to and following the strike.
Yes, it does hurt as much as you would think. It can hurt a lot. However, it can and does hurt in a good way.
Have you read or heard anything about the limits to testicular trauma?
Given how hard a couple of strippers and drunken ex-girlfriends have
cut loose, I can take it pretty damn hard.
—Kicked by Girl in Expensive Shoes
Dear Kicked,
If you want an unbiased, expansive and frankly fascinating view on testicular injury due to trauma, look at
this piece on Medscape: http://emedicine.medscape.com/
article/441362-overview.
In fact, let’s all read it together and collectively howl and writhe
about when we get to this paragraph: “Degloving injuries (or avulsion
injuries) are less common. With these, scrotal skin is sheared off, for
example, when a testicle becomes trapped in heavy machinery.”
Bottom line, Kicked, you can really fuck up your nuts doing this. But they’re your nuts. I may have rendered
myself infertile by pulling a feather boa out of my vagina repeatedly
to amuse people, so I am not in any position to judge. Just make sure
you read the Medscape piece well, and be aware of signs that you may
have to get yourself to emergency with a “rugby injury.”
“In response to how to broach it,” says fellow sex columnist and ball owner Cory Silverberg, “first I’d remind
him: none of his partners are ‘otherwise normal.’ We’ve all got unique
sexual desires; some of us are able to make them happen more than
others. By calling the partner normal, he’s setting himself up as
abnormal; not true, and probably not a turn-on for potential partners
either.”
You’ve probably already got a profile up on Fetlife, and if you don’t, have a look at the site and see if it,
and anyone on it, suits your needs.
“I think he has to figure out if this is a deal-breaker for a relationship for him,” says Cory. “Does he need to
have this kind of sex with a partner? If so, he’ll have to start
finding a way to bring it up relatively early on, but not too early, in
dating. It’s not easy the first few times, but he might consider it a
great weeder for potential partners who are too judgmental. After all,
if someone responds with ‘Eww, that’s gross,’ chances are they wouldn’t
be a very good match for this guy in the long run.”
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