Changing Channels: A ballbusting comedy

[Edward D]

Author's Note  : I had originally wrote this story over 10 years ago or so, so it may be a bit dated.  However, a few people I've chatted with told me I should post this anyway, so here goes, pretty much copy and pasted from an era I like to call, "The late 90s": 

Changing channels

By Edward D

 

If you are looking for a hardcore sex story… feel free to keep on looking. The following story can be classified under the genre of comedy. (A genre that’s underused here if you ask me… but sadly people don’t ask me so I have to talk to myself…) This fetish is fun but no reason why we have to take it TOO seriously!  Without further ado…

 

You know, when you’re LOOKING for ballbusting… you can’t find it… but man… when you’re trying to keep your mind OFF it… damn… well here… let me start from the start…

Last Saturday my girlfriend was called into work, on what should have been a day off together. She promised me she’d make it up to me… and with that she rubbed her knee into my genitals. A definite sign that I was going to be busted tonight!

But tonight was at least an hour away still… so I had to do something to keep my mind off it or I’d go crazy…

Well what better thing to do but sit down and watch the ol’ boob tube? So here I am sitting in the recliner… trying to find anything to keep my mind off ball busting. I turned on my TV…

 

*CLICK*

 

On my screen appeared an old episode of the Brady Bunch… Those wacky kids were playing the back yard, looks like they were kicking a football around. “Come on Marsha…” Greg said, holding the football. “Try and kick the football between the garbage cans.”

Marsha, in one of those short skirts she used to wear, her legs accented by a pair of heels, said, “Noooo… I couldn’t… I’m no good at this…”

The audience cooed at how cute she was.

“Awww gee wiz,” Greg pushed, “Come on… just run up and give it a shot…”

“Well… alllrigghht… I’ll try… Don’t laugh at me,” Marsha agreed. The pretty young woman walked to the far side of the yard and in a full sprint ran up and swung her foot. Unfortunately she didn’t hit one ball… she hit two of them. Her foot landed with a solid thud between her brother’s Greg’s testicles. The audience let out a collective moan.

“OH my god, bitch!” Greg yelled out, grabbing his testicles tightly in his hands collapsing to the grass and curling up in the fetal position. “You kicked me in the balls!!!”

“OH my, I’m sorry!!! I didn’t mean it,” Marsha apologized…

 

Holy Crap! I thought to myself. What the hell? I don’t remember this episode! I quickly changed the channel before I got too hot before my girlfriend got home…

 

*CLICK*   Hmmm…. Home Improvement…

 

“TIMMM!!!” Jill yelled from kitchen of their home. Tim comes running into the kitchen.

“Did you call me, Jill?”

“Yes I did…” Jill said, wearing sweats and a t-shirt. “Did you mess around with my feminine hygiene products?” Tim looked around stalling.

“WELL???” Jill asked loudly.

“Well… maybe I did add a bit of tweaking to the applicators…” Before he could finish Jill hauled off and kicked Tim as hard as she could in his balls.

Tim fell down to the floor and Jill yelled, “You added too much power to them. Last time I used my applicator I wound up having to pull it out of my NOSE!!! Tim lied on the floor making those ooo, ooo, ooo noises he does.

 

God damn… what are the odds… 2 shows in a row???

 

*CLICK*

 

“Today on Martha Stewart Live we are going to learn how to decorate our house for Halloween. First you have to set the mood for such a wonderful holiday. Go out to your garden and catch about twelve spiders and keep them in a jar. In about two weeks you’ll have enough real spider webs to decorate your entire front porch for that realistic look. Then you can squish the spiders, mix them up with some plaster and you will have a wonderful die to paint onto your light bulbs outside giving a very dark feel. Finally to make those spooky noises just tie down your husband, like I have here… (We pan to see that her husband is tied to the bed) and just reach down and grab his testicles in your hand and apply pressure. (The man moans loudly in agony while Martha records his voice) To get those higher shrieks just pinch one testicle at a time, like so… (The man shrieks in a high-pitched yelp… Martha then picks up a knife…) After the commercial break, I’ll show you how to use the souls of children to make a quirky light for your jack o lanterns…

 

*CLICK*

 

“WOOHOO!” Homer yelled, running into his house. “MARGE, come here! I found a way for us to make money and pay for Maggie’s tattoo removal!”

“Really Homey?” Marge asked.

“Oh yeah!” Homer said holding up a video camera, “We are going to perform various acts of S and M, and post it on the Internet for money!” Marge looked at Homer like he was insane.

“Homey…”

“Now before you say no Marge, I found out online that there are lots of people who would pay to watch women kicking guys in the balls. There’s even this guy named Scott who’s stuff is so popular that if you say anything criticizing his stuff, a bunch of people go off on a rant and stab you with hypodermic needles.” Homer picks a needle from his arm. (Sotto voice, “Wish I knew that before I said his update was late.)

Marge spoke up, “Homey, not that I think it’s a bad idea… but we need a computer before we can make a video…”

“Tut, tut,” Homer said interrupting her. “Marge, I’m not talking about COMPUTERS, I’m talking about the INTERNET!!! Now get those legs kicking!”

“Well… alright.” Marge draws back her leg…

 

*CLICK*

 

Today in the news, Bill Clinton was taken to the hospital today when his wife Hilary kicked him in the groin with high heels on. Hilary was quoted in saying, “I know he was cheating on me, cause last week he gave me herpes”

 

*CLICK*

 

Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu were walking down the road going nowhere.

“Ash,” the young, long legged Misty asked, “What’s that new Pokemon you caught?”

“Oh you should see it,” Ash said, calling it out. “It’s a giant spider!”

Misty, terrified of the bug, flipped out. “You asshole! You know I’m terrified of bugs!!!”

Brock the elder of the three quickly intervened. “Misty! This is a kid’s show, you can’t say that!”

“NO???” Misty exclaimed. “Well I bet I can’t do this either!” And with that she put her hands on Brock’s shoulders and kneed him hard in his balls. Brock’s eyes, in typical anime style, bugged out and he collapsed to the floor.

 

EVEN CARTOONS??? What the hell is going on tonight???

*CLICK*

 

“Hello, I’m Barbara Walters, and this is 20-20”

“And I’m Ted Koppel, tonight we explore the dark world of S&M.” The two walk into a bedroom and Ted puts on a leather mask, with a bad toupee on top. “First off, we’ll start with a little testicle kicking,” Ted says.

“Yes, I will put on these shoes which are very popular on various web pages,” Barbra said. “Now if this was a real S and M session, I would say something like, on your knees, you worm of a man, so I can bruise your man fruits.”

“Yes Barbara,” Ted agreed. “Or you could replace man fruits with tiny testicles.” Barbara then slams her foot into Ted’s balls and the elderly man crumples to the floor.

“Ted… maybe you can tell everyone how that felt.

“OOoooooGOoOooooaaaaarrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHhhhhhh”

 

*Turns it off*

 

Well that ruined me for the night, there's not enough alcohol in the world to bleach that image out of my eyes.  I think I'll go read a book instead.